I Didn't Mean to Turn You On

[Lucinda]

Matt, Ray, and I are partners with the owner of a popular restaurant in this area. We also help manage the place. All three of us are asexuals.

I figured out Ray was asexual some time ago when a woman came in to pick up a to-go order. She lingered to talk to Ray. I heard her distinctly say to him, "You know you had your chance with me, but you blew it. Now I'm married." His response to her had nothing to do with the price of rice in China. She continued with the flirtations and sexual inuendos until he told her it was nice talking to her, but he had to get back to work. After she left, he told me he was no longer into the customer service mode. This, with other pieces of the puzzle that I had been putting together, eventually led me to ask him straight out. He admitted that now nor ever has he been interested in sex.

When I returned to work this past Sunday, after changing for the evening shift, I was surprised to see this same woman checking in for work. I introduced myself and she said her name was Vonna, she was a returning employee who wanted to earn some extra money on Sundays to save up for her wedding (number 2?) scheduled for December .... unless Ray changes her mind. I asked, "Why would Ray change your mind? You could have the rehearsal dinner here." $cha-ching$ She said she was hoping that working every week with him would make him come around! I noted that she was wearing a button down blouse two sizes too small.

So here we have this engaged woman telling me, a complete stranger, that she is on a mission to snare Ray. I wondered if her fiance and his buddies carried machine guns.

A couple of hours later, Vonna came to say goodbye as Ray had sent her home. We were so crazy busy with people still walking in the door that I couldn't imagine sending anyone home. I didn't take this as a good sign. I asked her if we would be seeing her again next Sunday and she said, "Of course, Ray is so cute!"

A favorite song of ours that expresses the dismay of my asexual friends is I Didn't Mean to Turn You On. [Albeit taller, Matt strikingly favors the singer in this video only ... moreso than the late Robert Palmer himself who I remember looking bloated, unhealthy, and difficult to watch. Tragic for him.] The facial expressions at 1:15-1:18 before the lyrics

Now I know you expected a one night stand.

When I refused, I knew you wouldn't understand.

are priceless!! I've seen Matt give off that very same look. What a riot!!

I told you twice, I was only trying to be nice ..

and you expect what?!!

When we are busy, as we are this time of the year, Ray rules with an iron fist. I try to run interference to make sure he isn't putting too much pressure on our excellent employees. Last week, one of our better chefs broke down and said she had had it. Cindy caught her before she walked out the door and took her to the employee lounge to calm down. I joined her and asked if Ray had said anything to upset her. She said no. I stated that Ray would be in to talk to her in a few minutes. I gathered some supplies and headed back up front. When I passed Ray, he actually yelled at me, "I'LL HANDLE THIS!". I said OK and kept on. A few minutes later, I see him running through the diningroom to where I am standing. I thought the kitchen must be on fire! Instead he apologized profusely for being rude. I gave him a hug to show there was no hard feelings. He held me longer than usual which indicated to me that something outside the current situation was bugging him.

Sometimes it gets tiresome to us when the simplest gestures are mistaken for sexual interests. Vonna and her ilk are surrounded in a desperation fog which makes it difficult to see things clearly. While some may be flattered by flirtations and such, we may become insulted. It's never a good idea to insult the man who presses the button. I don't think Vonna could ever understand.

You read me wrong

I wasn't trying to lead you on

Not like you think

I didn't mean to turn you on

[cijay]

Matt, Ray, and I are partners with the owner of a popular restaurant in this area. We also help manage the place. All three of us are asexuals.

I figured out Ray was asexual some time ago when a woman came in to pick up a to-go order. She lingered to talk to Ray. I heard her distinctly say to him, "You know you had your chance with me, but you blew it. Now I'm married." His response to her had nothing to do with the price of rice in China. She continued with the flirtations and sexual inuendos until he told her it was nice talking to her, but he had to get back to work. After she left, he told me he was no longer into the customer service mode. This, with other pieces of the puzzle that I had been putting together, eventually led me to ask him straight out. He admitted that now nor ever has he been interested in sex.

When I returned to work this past Sunday, after changing for the evening shift, I was surprised to see this same woman checking in for work. I introduced myself and she said her name was Vonna, she was a returning employee who wanted to earn some extra money on Sundays to save up for her wedding (number 2?) scheduled for December .... unless Ray changes her mind. I asked, "Why would Ray change your mind? You could have the rehearsal dinner here." $cha-ching$ She said she was hoping that working every week with him would make him come around! I noted that she was wearing a button down blouse two sizes too small.

So here we have this engaged woman telling me, a complete stranger, that she is on a mission to snare Ray. I wondered if her fiance and his buddies carried machine guns.

A couple of hours later, Vonna came to say goodbye as Ray had sent her home. We were so crazy busy with people still walking in the door that I couldn't imagine sending anyone home. I didn't take this as a good sign. I asked her if we would be seeing her again next Sunday and she said, "Of course, Ray is so cute!"

A favorite song of ours that expresses the dismay of my asexual friends is I Didn't Mean to Turn You On. [Albeit taller, Matt strikingly favors the singer in this video only ... moreso than the late Robert Palmer himself who I remember looking bloated, unhealthy, and difficult to watch. Tragic for him.] The facial expressions at 1:15-1:18 before the lyrics

Now I know you expected a one night stand.

When I refused, I knew you wouldn't understand.

are priceless!! I've seen Matt give off that very same look. What a riot!!

I told you twice, I was only trying to be nice ..

and you expect what?!!

When we are busy, as we are this time of the year, Ray rules with an iron fist. I try to run interference to make sure he isn't putting too much pressure on our excellent employees. Last week, one of our better chefs broke down and said she had had it. Cindy caught her before she walked out the door and took her to the employee lounge to calm down. I joined her and asked if Ray had said anything to upset her. She said no. I stated that Ray would be in to talk to her in a few minutes. I gathered some supplies and headed back up front. When I passed Ray, he actually yelled at me, "I'LL HANDLE THIS!". I said OK and kept on. A few minutes later, I see him running through the diningroom to where I am standing. I thought the kitchen must be on fire! Instead he apologized profusely for being rude. I gave him a hug to show there was no hard feelings. He held me longer than usual which indicated to me that something outside the current situation was bugging him.

Sometimes it gets tiresome to us when the simplest gestures are mistaken for sexual interests. Vonna and her ilk are surrounded in a desperation fog which makes it difficult to see things clearly. While some may be flattered by flirtations and such, we may become insulted. It's never a good idea to insult the man who presses the button. I don't think Vonna could ever understand.

You read me wrong

I wasn't trying to lead you on

Not like you think

I didn't mean to turn you on

You know for certain she has a fiance? I mean, first she's married, then she's planning her wedding and all this time she's under this illusion that someone else is going to claim her?

[jamie]

I was think the same thing, somethings off there. Or maybe she's just flirtatious in nature?

[SuzH]

I've got to find that song. Sometimes you can just tell by the way someone looks at you that they have sex on their minds. Small minds, indeed.

[isillote]

Could it be that curse of the attractive asexual, whose coolness is seen as a challenge by people too dense to realise that YOU'RE JUST NOT INTERESTED?

Are you lucky to be 3 asexuals in the same workplace! To my knowledge I was the only asexual in the world until I found AVEN!

[SuzH]

How can someone have "sex appeal" when they are not interested in sex? I'd rather just have "person appeal". We can't help the way we look or feel.

[isillote]

Believe me, I know from experience that it's possible. My mother was almost certainly asexual and was smothered with admirers all her life, in spite of her lack of interest, or maybe because of it.

I am by no means beautiful, but am what many men call 'attractive'. They have always found me very 'sexy' and this isn't diminishing as I grow older. I suspect that the thrill of the chase is part of it, and the more remote you are, the more they want you.

Either that, or I have rampant pheromones, but I can't smell them, or anyone else's.... :D

[night whispers]

Wow. What an amusing story. That sucks for Ray. The facial expression was superb, I had a hard time keeping in my laugh so I wouldn't wake my roommate. Three asexuals in one restaurant? What at the odds!? That's great. This song is incredibly catchy. I can't stand people that are so forwardly sexual. It's an unattractive quality. There's a girl I know that I'm thinking her breasts are not real, they might be... They seem a bit off. Anyway, she always has her shirts tight and there's always cleavage, and she's not even flirtatious, but just that alone is so... urgh. The thing about Vonna's marriage/engagement is confusing. Are you sure you know the facts? But either way she's just keeping up at flirting with him and it's obviously not going anywhere. Tsk tsk.

[JustJudy]

Very amusing story. If Vonna's situation is as she says it is it's another wonderful example of why I'm glad I don't have to deal with the 'games' of sex.

To my knowledge I have never met another asexual and no one ever believes me when I tell them I am asexual.

[Shockwave]

That song has been a favorite of mine for years. Nice story too.

[cait]

Haha, that woman is CRAZY. I'm happy everytime I hear that song play at work! (it's a cover and a remix). I don't particularly like the song per se. I'm just always glad it exists. Hah.