bydefault Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Okay, at 42 I'm now facing what is classically known as a mid-life crisis and I find it a very disorienting experience. The prospect that I will be alone for the rest of my life seems more and more likely each day. This feeling just keeps creeping up on me and I just can't seem to shake it. Link to post Share on other sites
rosegirl Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Sadly its the nature of society to regard youth as everything, even though the population is getting older. This is especially true for women. Some of my older female friends say they sometimes feel invisible because they are ignored by everyone as they go about their business. Some find it upsetting, whilst others find it liberating not to have to play up to stereotypes anymore or cope with unwanted (usually male) attention. As we grow up, and older we get treated differently. I suppose its how we cope with the changes in our lives, and what advantages or disadvantages the changes bring that will decide wether we are comfortable with our lives at any particular stage. I hope you manage to sort out your feelings, and are able to find the person you want to spend your life with. All my love, Kate Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Okay at 42 I'm starting to hear the phrase "for your age" more and more when it comes to my appearance or physical abilities. I also sense that people in general at work, stores, etc. are reacting to me differently. All my life it's been hard enough for me to socialize since I am extremely shy. I have a very strong desire for a hetero-romantic asexual relationship and now, after a 20 year long mostly asexual marriage that ended in divorce, I realize that time is not my friend. I am not used to being considered too old by other adults and I worry that things will only get worse in this area. I'm not sure what the point of this post is. It's just that I have been facing a lot self-discoveries/experiences which are new to me (asexuality, avoidant personality disorder, divorce, ageism) and I'm struggling with how to deal with them. I guess I'm now facing what is classically known as a mid-life crisis and I find it a very frightening and disorienting experience. You're not too old. What you need is just a good comeback line. Any time someone gives you "by your age", just give them "yeah well by YOUR age you should have it figured out that everyone is different. Link to post Share on other sites
Derp Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 42 is still young, IMO. Anyone who tells you differently needs to do some door-to-door campaign work or something. I did that several years ago, and it changed my perspective on aging quite a bit. For example, I used to think 70 was old, but no - most 70 year-olds can still answer their doors in under 5 minutes. The way I look at it now, as long as you're too young to die of old age, you're still young. So at 42, you have many, many years of youth ahead of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 So, how old is too old??? A man of 102 has recenty left the UK for New Zealand. He was interviewed for the news and he was as bright as anyone less than half his age. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 It's hard to face aging AND self-discovery at the same time. I did so last year, although I'd faced aging for several decades, now being 67. Maybe instead of aging I'm now facing a definite slammed door in the future; just don't know if it's going to happen a year from now or 20 years from now. Or 30. And whether I'll be alive longer than my mind, which is pretty scary to contemplate. However, aside from that grim stuff, I have another comeback line for people who make remarks about your age, Scared and Confused; "If you live, you too will get old." That usually stops them because it relates to THEM. Link to post Share on other sites
SuzH Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I am a 53 year old woman who has just discovered who she is. And it fits like a fuzzy old robe. Instead of having a mid life crisis I am having a mid life celebration! These people that are saying "at your age", are they older or younger? If they are older, ask what they were up to at your age. If they are younger, ask what they expect to be doing. You are still young. Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I have one pretty standard comment that I use whenever anybody mentions aging or anything related to it. Granted, it a cliche, but it works for me. "Sure, getting old can be a bitch, but it beats the alternative!" Of course, I'm only 55. I might feel otherwise in another 40 or 50 years. -GB Link to post Share on other sites
roddy9uk Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I doubt there is anyone alive who hasn't heard the standard parental refrain "You can do tht when you are OLDER".. Well..now I am older (57) and I am doing it..and enjoying it. One of the joys of being "older" is that I can look back on life and remember good times. To be told that I must only look forward is a bit irritating. What was that tag? "An old man sleeps with his memories, a young man sleeps with his dreams"? One of the joys of youth is that everything is new. One of the stresses of youth is that everything HAS to be new. You have nothing to compare anything with. When you are older you have a great deal to compare things with and not the same pressing need to do so. But...whatever makes people happy or unhappy I suppose. I am happy. Link to post Share on other sites
isillote Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Middle age is ten years older than I am. I've been saying that for some time now. I stopped celebrating my birthday when I was 24, not because I'm ashamed of my age or a Jehovah's WItness, as people have assumed, but because I can't understand why people are so obsessed with age, and why they restrict themselves (or try to restrict others) because of how many years you've been on the planet rather than by what your capabilities are. To hell with people who want to stop living life just because they're 40 or 50, or 100. I'm with the man who's emigrating, who when asked why said, 'well, I'd hate to get to 105 and regret not emigrating when I was 102'. All those people who think they're too old to do things, when they're fully capable, will one day regret not living for all those active years. Stop living when your heart stops beating. Until then go for it full blast. Keep accumulating memories, in the hope that you'll never be so decrepit that you'll have to resort to living on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Calla_Lily Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 when all else fails, hang out with 85 year olds, it'll instantly make you feel young! to those in their 80's, we 40-somethings ARE babies!! hehehe seriously though, society is way too youth obsessed. i see "celebrities" (and now it seems to be trickling down to "regular" people), having plastic surgery done on their faces. they look freakish! ...all in the effort to look YOUNGER; it's insane! look good for your age, don't try to be an age you are no longer. the baby boomers are the largest segment of society, we need to take charge and teach the world to be happy at whatever age they are. every stage of life has pros and cons. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Isillote: Jehovah's Witness and age 24? What does that mean -- to JWs stop "aging" at 24? Link to post Share on other sites
Gary-A Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Look around and you may see young ones who are worst off health wise and worst off in many other ways then a lot of us so called odder ones. I am 54 and I would not consider turning back the hands of time at all. I have never enjoy life as much as I do now. And if I had a chance to change my pass in any way - I wouldn't cinsider do that either because the pass is what made me who I am today. A person who really enjoy life as it is. Thank You Gary-A Link to post Share on other sites
vikingo Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays. As far as I know it is more a religious issue than about fear of aging. Link to post Share on other sites
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