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Are you in your 40's?


PearsRblue

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RubyTuesday
Hi!I'm in my 40's and am looking for support.My husband of 10 years is asexual.It would be nice to meet some people who are married like myself.

Thanks

Are you sexual and he is not? I am 48, married to a sexual for 23 yrs. Is there a married thread?

how is that possible? do you feel like "you have to do it,' because he wants it? or does he go elsewhere to fill his sexual needs? i could never be married for that long with all the fighting about why we never have sex.

In my case (married for 35 years next August), the answers to your questions have been Yes (I have to do it ...) and Yes (he has gone elsewhere..). But I am still married, because a) I wanted to keep my family together and b) I felt ashamed that the problem was my fault. Now that I understand myself better, I think I can live with the situation more easily - I can continue to have a sexual relationship to please him because that way I get the affection and physical closeness I enjoy. And one day I might be able to explain to him that my dislike of sex has never been a rejection of him, but just the way I am made.

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  • 1 month later...
subtleblue

Hi, just read your post. Regarding age.. many of us are in the happy position that we might be older chronologically but physically and mentally we are florescently in the bloom! We have huge interests, keep busy and happy and don't have time to come to the realization that we should slow down 'cause jeez, we're old. I hope you find lots of great friends on this forum of all ages, shapes and sizes. Have a happy day.

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Very much older than 40. WAY older than 40!

You don't have to stick with the Older Asexuals once you get acclimated -- there are some really interesting, nice (and interestingly not nice) younger people on AVEN. Explore the site.

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  • 3 weeks later...
groovellous
Greetins to PearsRBlue, from Downunder, from another 40ish with the short leg syndrome. Glad to see a few more of us out there :)

Hey!!!

Another Aussie!

I'm 40 and in Adelaide.

I took the bold step the other day of asking my GP for blood tests to check hormones. After 27 years wrestling with the belief that I am abnormal for my super-low sex-drive, I am finally doing something that can eliminate that last shred of doubt.

I think it's all part of turning 40 and reasessing my life and feeling the loneliness quite keenly as various formerly single friends settle down with their partners and make babies (before time runs out for them).

Like another poster, I feel the need to connect with people in my age-group: lots older than the 20-somethings, but still premenopausal.

I tried older men too - they are so "easy" like someone else said. But they certainly still want sex.

Hoping to connect with more 40s and more asexual Aussies

Robyn

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Hi everyone,

I'm 40 in July, and I will definitely be all over the board. I usually hang out with younger folks, but I do sometimes find that there is a disconnect in discussing some stuff with them. Usually people at 20 have a different set of life experiences than someone at 40, so you don't always relate. But I still love and am very passionate about a lot of stuff that it seems like most people my age have "outgrown" or just don't want to talk about. I always feel like being this age (late 30s, early 40s) is like being a teenager all over again--you're not old enough to be considered old and not young enough to be considered young. Whatever those labels mean.

So I wanted to say hi. I'm new to the board, even though I found the site about a year ago. Looking forward to making new friends here.

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Harpo's Gookie

Welcome Magik--and it looks to be you are actually pushing three years! Time flies.....

HG

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groovellous
I'm 38, is that close enough?

Of course, if you feel you fit in this group - after all we are all here because we feel we are asexual... there are no definites, are there.

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I'm 38, is that close enough?

That's fine. You'll be in your 40's before you know it! :lol:

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groovellous
Hi! I'm in my forties, just joined the site this evening, and not sure yet if I should even be here! :lol:

Why should you not be here? :blink:

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Hi! I'm in my forties, just joined the site this evening, and not sure yet if I should even be here! :lol:

Why should you not be here? :blink:

Well, actually the term "asexual" is relatively new to me. I thought I fit into the category, but the more I research and read about asexuality and related topics, the more confused I get! :lol: :rolleyes: I have experienced physical attraction but almost all the men I've desired have been unobtainable for one reason or another. The ones I've actually dated were nice, good-looking men but I simply felt no desire towards them. Without the physical attraction, I'm unable to experience romantic feelings - so my relationship with these men never got past friendship. There's been two men in my life that I've been physically attracted to and I ended up marrying both. But right now I've been divorced from my second husband for nine years and currently don't desire sex or companionship either one (which kind of scares me) - however I do have two children that keep me busy. Boy, I didn't realize how "different" I am until I wrote this post and read back over it! :(

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  • 4 weeks later...
Hi! I'm in my forties, just joined the site this evening, and not sure yet if I should even be here! :lol:

Welcome! :)

I was in my forties when I joined AVEN. 8)

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< retired >
I have experienced physical attraction but almost all the men I've desired have been unobtainable for one reason or another.

I was just playing 'hard to get'. :lol: :lol:

Boy, I didn't realize how "different" I am until I wrote this post and read back over it! :(

AVEN is a grab-bag of (a)sexual outliers and non-conformists. Welcome aboard! :cake:

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I'm 38. Yes, sometimes I'm a bit frustrated because Aven is so full of teenagers and twenty-somethings, who obviously are going through a phase (well, what else is life about but going through phases?). On the other hand, they are generally very intelligent and pleasant. And I'm also a little interested in manga and anime :) (already was in the 80's).

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I'm 46, but really don't feel my age (that much!) But I've often felt that i haven't "grown up", that I was too young to

be a teacher, to have kids (i'm married with 2 kids)...and that maybe being asexual means never having really

grown up sexually (though obviously i've matured sexually). I'm just wondering...i even looked into the sort of "Peter pan syndrome" not really wanting to grow up, and i still love to ski double black diamonds (when i feel confident enough) and am mountain biking harder things that ever with a new dual suspension bike. It makes me feel like a teenage kid rather than a 46 year old woman! But i love it and want to do physical stuff like this forever.

It's always meant way more to me than being sexually attractive to guys (there's been a good ratio of guys to girls in these sports, too). anyway. Anybody else with similar feeling of not "growing up?"

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groovellous
Anybody else with similar feeling of not "growing up?"

I felt I had REALLY grown up for the first time when at age 38 I came out as an asexual. I finally stopped thinking of myself as abnormal and started accepting myself with the (lack of) sexuality I have.

I imagine growing up is a very personal thing, and I also believe it happens in stages or in waves. I do hope it happens to me again, as I feel I have regressed in some ways since my first growing up experience.

Wanting to have fun is not a sign of not being grown up, if you are taking responsibility for your actions. I only connected with asexuality because I was doing some self-reflection after participating in InterPlay, which is all about adults having fun.

Robyn

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I haven't seen a thread specifically for married avens, so i'll start one.

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