Help

[Giarc]

:roll: Here is the quick and dirty. How does a 39 year old Man, such as myself, tell his wife of 10 years that he is just not into sex?

I am not sure if Asexual or Celibate or what would define me. The fact is I don't need, want or like sex. I have heard it several times that for me/us sex is a task or event, not an urge.

I am new here and very confused and need direction. Any feedback would be appreciated.

napsterbadus@yahoo.com

V/R Giarc

[jr1]

I believe in honesty. Houses built on a foundation of half truths and lies will eventually collapse anyway

[thylacine]

I don't know how to help you with your relationship problems, but it sounds to me like you're asexual... that is, were you always that way, or is this recent? Good luck, anyway.

[Giarc]

Thanks for the reply. I guess I have always been concerned or questioned my sexuality. I even tried the GAY relationship and that didn't change anything.

I tried to approach it from a medical stand point and found out what I already knew, the equipment works fine.

I guess it is hard to convince someone who does not understand that a healthy attractive man has no desire for sex.

Still confused

[Just Not Sure]

She may already "know" that you're not into sex.

Do tell her, but reassure her that it's not her. It really hurts to think that the person you love in a sexual way does not find you sexually attractive. Trust me on this.

[WendyO]

Giarc,

This hits so close to home. My husband is Asexual and we have been married for 24yrs. Havent had sex in years. He didnt know he was Asexual until I showed him this site. Think he is still in denial as he is afraid that I will leave him. We both have only acknowledged his Asexual for the past 6-8months. The pain I feel runs very deep that he does not desire me and he has zero interest in making it work sexually for us. He seems to like it just the way it is. Speaking from the wife perspective, you should share this site with your wife and speak honestly with her. Its just how you are hard wired, Im sure you wife realizes that "your just not that into her". I feel your deep pain and hers as well. Been there, done that so to speak. Still working on the marraige but its a painful marraige in my soul and my Asex. husband doesnt even seem to notice.

[Giarc]

:) Thanx to all of you for responding. Especially you Wendy. I can feel in reading your post that you can really understand the deal I am in.

I have been praying about this and have come to realize that my relationship is one that I cherish deeply. I also know that it is more important for me to realize that there are a lot of things I do in my relationship that I don't like to do but I do them because I honor my wife.

Keeping faith in my belief that sex is about being one with my spouse not about making me feel good or happy. I also realized after reading many of these posts that some folks who say they are asexual seem to be ASELFISH.

I can see in my own attitude that I am being somewhat selfish about this whole deal. My wife loves me and I love her and if I have to participate in stuff I don't like to save our marriage so be it.

I have posted my e-mail address, feel free to use it. I don't think it will be necessarry for me to post here anymore. God has provided the guidance and path I need to follow. I wish you all many blessing and good luck.

V/R Craig

[Chiaroscuro]

Hi Gary,

Dunno if you're still visiting Aven, but I wanted to add a note to this thread, saying I don't agree with the idea that living according to your nature is a selfish act, whether you're sexual or asexual. There are many compromises people make in marriages (I'm the sexual partner in my marriage), but there are some compromises people CAN'T make without feeling resentful and angry. I don't want my wife to pretend to desire me.

-Chiaroscuro