Is my Mom lossing memory or has she forgot about my life?

[Zerick]

Something has been bothering me lately about the last two phone calls I had with my Mom about me going back to school.

The first phone call we were talking about placement tests and I mentioned my Algebra II class in high school. She was sure I never took Algebra II. I did not think too much of it because it has been a long time and hell I can hardly remember high school. (other than the drug dealers and gang members mixed in with the kids of very wealthy parents) If anyone has ever scene the movie Dangerous Minds with Michelle Pfeiffer, that was my high school. Not similar, but the book was written by a classmate. OK back to my topic.

The next time I spoke to my Mom she was surprised I went to San Francisco State. This is the part I did not understand. I went for a year and a half and she did not remember. I could not figure out if she forgot, or just remembers that I was always the screw up.

This is the first time I noticed this lack of memory. How does someone knew if their parent losing their memory or if they just have forgotten about your life?

[Sally]

Sorry to sound kind of abrupt, and also don't mean to sound inconsiderate of a well-meaning question, but...

Why did you post on the Older Asexuals board? I may be 67, which is probably much older than your mother is, but I could not answer your question just because I'm older.

[Zerick]

I posted it here because I don't think the teenagers and twenty-somethings would have the life experience to know. I am a bit concerned because both of my grandparents on each side of my family had Alzheimer's before they died. Two of my worst memories is visiting each at them not knowing who I was or even who their own children are. I guess it could go into another forum. By the way you are younger than my parents.

[Sally]

Well, I must apologize -- I misread your note on your picture and interpreted it as being a "current" photo of you -- i.e., that you are fifteen now. :oops:

I can't remember what my son (who's 43) took in high school, but I can remember the schools he attended. Everyone I know who is my age or older (and some younger) have some memory problems, and it's often hard to tell what's age-related memory loss and what's due to problems with nutrition, depression, medication side-effects, and/or AD. Here's a list of common symptoms of AD, which occur when someone is pretty well into the condition. You could check your mom's symptoms against this list. If you don't live near her, it would be good if a family member who does checks her out. Good luck.

1. Asking the same question over and over again.

2. Repeating the same story, word for word, again and again.

3. Forgetting how to cook, or how to make repairs, or how to play cards — activities that were previously done with ease and regularity.

4. Losing one's ability to pay bills or balance one's checkbook.

5. Getting lost in familiar surroundings, or misplacing household objects.

6. Neglecting to bathe, or wearing the same clothes over and over again, while insisting that they have taken a bath or that their clothes are still clean.

7. Relying on someone else, such as a spouse, to make decisions or answer questions they previously would have handled themselves.

[roddy9uk]

Sally is right..

I would add one more commonly noted symptom that COULD possibly indicate Alzheimers and that is the loss of the sense of smell. That seems to go first.

roddy

[Islander9]

60yrold with 80yrold parent here (both in pretty good health):I find that longterm memory is acute, and short term is OK (applies to us both.) What * does* happen is very short term lack of recollection od some words-"The ribbed leaf one with round nuts - you

know?"

"Maybe Squirrel Nutkin?"

"O hazel nuts of course how silly of me."

This is completely normal loss of immediate recall/short term memory availabilty for the age groups concerned

- but your Mum seems to have gone down a step.

Maybe check out for TIAs and the many other things that can cause some loss of memory? Because, diagnosed early enough, that sort of stuff can be ameliorated - ignored, matters can get an awful lot worse :(

[Busrider]

I'm no expert about aging but what I know about learning says clearly: Why should your mum know?

Sorry I don't know your school system and how involved your parents might have been with your education. - If your mum was still walking on crutches since she had to pay her 2nd leg for your private lessons to get you through Algebra II, the case might be different but

You have siblings! - Why shouldn't she mix you up with others after all the decades? (I guess that class isn't very important is it?)

The place where you lived: Pardon, how important was it for her? Did she travell there for 2 or more times or are you simply the family gypsy living somewhere, your number is stored under short dial #7 by somebody else, but you always visit over thanksgiving?

Look for stuff important to her to find out if her memory still works. - Favorite foods and allergies for example. - Something that played a role in her life.

Just one example to proof my point that memory is a very personal and interests connected thing: I recently chatted with a hardly 50 year old about photography. - He got a decent brand B DSLR. - I myself shoot something entirely else, but I couldn't resist from asking him why he didn't stick to brand A since he had one of their film cameras and could have used his old lens on digital. - It took him half an hour after being shocked that I remembered that to figure out that yes he had that film camera I mentioned.

That dude is pretty fit in life, he just isn't a seasoned shutterbug. - When I'm talking to my parents they are always wondering which odd trivia I'm remembering and I'm wondering too about what seems more important to them.

When I got my 1st own wheels I had a hard time finding the way to my uncle although I rode shotgun for countless times on my dad's passenger seat before. - How comes? - My dad was a good driver and did his thing and I didn't need to know or remember that way since the uncle lived too distant for me to go there by bicycle.

OK, I hope I could dilute your worries and wish your parents will do fine for preferably eternity.

[cijay]

My parents' memories are good, mine sucks!

My mum has a good memory, she just has total control over it and puts things in places where they don't belong. I remember one time...my father is a very small, selfish person and mum was volunteering to help at an inner city Christmas party. She was welcome to bring us (we were 7 and 8 or so) and my dad drove us down to the inner city for this function. On the way, he got lost/turned around and was in such a foul mood, mum just said "just let me out here then and take the kids home..." it was shitty weather and very deep snow and he actually DID stop the car and let her out.

Many years later, and a few times she has mentioned "remember the time we were at that little hall down in 97th and Santa came and peeked in the window and you were so excited..." she has totally replaced that whole thing with this wonderful 'family time' type of scenario when it was miserable.

[Guest Heligan]

You probably are noticing changes in her, you know her after all - if it seems weird it probably is. But as to if its a clinical symptom of anything specific, probably not enough info yet.

I do think you should follow up on this hunch though because if it is Alzheimers then there are some drugs out there that can slow the progression to an almost stop, but not reverse it much.... so getting treatment started fast is vital.

Some mental issues are bound to arise with age though, I know I have noticed my father is not the sharp scapel he used to be, just a knife these days... but he is 70. Its normal. Some of us have farther to fall than others, and that must be distressing so I dont think out and out honesty is the right approach here. Just watch and take note, maybe a bit snreaky - make up a funny story about how you forgot something and see if she says anything back.... and if so if her take on it is worry or just a bit sad at aging issues.

[isillote]

I think that if all four of your grandparents had Alzheimer's then it's quite reasonable that you should be concerned about your mum. She may have just forgotten about something you did, but I think it's worth looking further, discussing things from the past that directly concerned her and about which you know a lot, to see if she remembers them.

You don't mention your dad. Is he still around? If so, it could be worth talking to him if there's still contact. Or to any other friends/relatives of your mum's who see her regularly, and who would understand and respond sensibly to your concern. If others see a difference, you might want to pay her a visit, and discuss things with her - all depending on your relationship with her of course.

Incidentally, I heard on the radio recently that physical exercise (regular) can go a long way towards stopping the onset of Alzheimer's, even if you've inherited the gene for it. Just a thought for yourself.

Good luck.

[Tanwen]

My mother is 91 and was fine until her fall this time last year. He memory is definately going, I tell her the same things over and over again (sometimes many time in the same day). I had to try to explain who my cousin was when a card arrived before Christmas (and mum helped raise Joyce)

It is distressing, but the one compensation is that they are unaware.

[Sally]

Wow, 91 -- I hope I'm conscious of ANYTHING if I reach the age of 91! I have friends my age (60s) who have mothers still alive in their 80s and 90s and most are pretty dorky. Stuff just eventually wears out -- minds as well as joints.

[Tanwen]

She's also deaf as a post and refuses to wear a hearing aid. My voice is going to wear out! And she still treats me like a 5 year old!

[SuzH]

My mom is 78, she had a 5 vessel by-pass last year and blames her memory loss on that. Also both of her parents suffered from Alzheimers. She is very aware of what may be happening to her. But at the same time not. She cannot remember the name of a person she worked with for 8 years and gets frustrated when she can't remember. Watch for paranoia. Mom "runs" and hides behind the phone when it rings because she is convinced that whoever is calling can seen into the livingroon. If I don't open the drapes she will keep the house in shadows all day so no one can see in. It's very sad. But some memory loss is just natural with age. I'm 53 and have trouble remembering some things. Unless there are a combination of things going on it is just the aging process. I remember where I went to school and subjects I took, but Mom wouldn't have had a clue even 30 years ago.

I'm glad you love your Mom enough to be this concerned. At some point in her life she may need that watchful eye you've got on her.

[Shouri]

Hm. That sounds a little concerning. My grandmother went through losing her memory after my grandfather passed away. We think it started earlier, but living with him helped keep it from growing. Once he passed on, we began to notice that she would repeat herself, or stories, over and over in the course of a visit. She'd ask the same thing minutes after she'd asked it the first time. It got on our nerves at first, until we noticed it was becoming progressivley worse, and she was diagnosed with dementia, not alzheimers, but something similar.

Of course, she's now in her 80's, so it's to be expected. However if your mother is still rather young, it could be a sign of something, or it might just be her memory is a bit flighty. Mine is that way sometimes.

Either way, I would talk to her about it, and others who live or relate closely with her on a continuing basis, to see if anyone else has noticed any problems before you jump to conclusions.

[SuzH]

Shouri, this is totally off the subject, but my Mom is from Bend and we are just over a couple of mountains in North Bend. Hello to a fellow Oregonian!