Jump to content

about asexuality and fetishes and me, a newbie


isabella

Recommended Posts

Amusingly though, the more I attempt to indulge these fetishes, the less interesting they become... I suppose they're better off in my head, and read about in fictional stories found on Usenet. :)

You know, I identify with you on that. I like to *think* about certain fetishes, but when I try to imagine them actually happening I'm positive I'd not be interested one bit.

Cate

Link to post
Share on other sites
In fact I’m quite into S&M fantasies, I find them hugely engaging. Sometime it’s this, sometimes it’s that, but whatever it is it’s never what the S&M world calls ‘vanilla sex’. Never has been, probably never will. Too boring.

I find some similarities with this group vis a vis the S&M world, if people wouldn’t mind my saying that. I’m impressed with the articulation and studiousness of the people; their ability to write and express emotions, share thoughts, and maintain a sense of decency and propriety towards others.

Well said, Kevin. BDSM has always intrigued me and I've done a fair bit of reading on the subject. By and large, most folks into that "scene" care alot about the individuals they involve themselves with and there is alot of great exchange between "practitioners' of said fetish.

And, speaking of which, BDSM, in fantasy, really floats my boat!

Link to post
Share on other sites

No fetishes per se.

There are a few things that I still miss from my relationships in the 70's, but I will NEVER EVER go back to those days.

The fantasy is fine, but the reality would be unbearable.

-Greybird

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know if I have a fetish or not... I've never had sex or been anything I can identify as sexually aroused, so I can't tell really. Thinking about this particular thing does make me feel weird, though... it has to be the weirdest fetish I've ever heard of, and I feel like a freak if that's what it is. Hopefully it's just, I don't know, intense facination. :|

Link to post
Share on other sites

Different reference sources have different definitions of "fetish"; they can't even agree, for example, on whether an intense focus on a body part is a fetish if that part is "non-sexual" or just if it's non-genital, so whether or not there's a breast fetish is open to debate. Come to think of it, if a person was obsessive about genitals (icky thought), why would that NOT be a fetish, just because genitals are part of standard sex? Isn't an obsession an obsession?

I'm fairly sure that I qualify as a fetishist, despite the fact that I get no sexual feelings from my constant ("obsessive") imaginings of situations that are sexual but not remotely similar to what normally happens during sex; if it's NOT fetishism, I'd be interested to know what it WOULD be called... I've never seen this specific sort of thing referred to anywhere, though, or the specific "fetish" either. I must be VERY weird.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Different reference sources have different definitions of "fetish"; they can't even agree, for example, on whether an intense focus on a body part is a fetish if that part is "non-sexual" or just if it's non-genital <snip> I'm fairly sure that I qualify as a fetishist, despite the fact that I get no sexual feelings from my constant ("obsessive") imaginings of situations that are sexual but not remotely similar to what normally happens during sex; if it's NOT fetishism, I'd be interested to know what it WOULD be called...

Princess, there *are* differing definitions of what qualifies as a fetish (depending on what dictionary you consult). It doesn't surprise me at all. Out of curiosity, I consulted my father's Webster's, which dates back to 1945! (I was totally shocked at how old the thing is - I keep it around for its nostalgic value). The only sexual definition reads: " Fixation of erotic interest on a part of the body, as the foot, or on an article of clothing." Hmmm... an article of clothing... (everything else has to do with charms, amulets, or something believed to possess magical powers, or something regarded as sacred).

OTOH, my (up to date) American Heritage Dictionary defines a fetish as (among the usual sexual things) "An object of unreasonably excessive attention or reference." or "An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation."

I think I would mentally delete the references to "unreasonable", "excessive", and "abnormal". There may be some obsession involved, but, so what?!! As long as it doesn't interfere with the things you need to be doing to remain independent, there is *no* harm done.

I, for one, believe my particluar fetish is sacred. :P

Link to post
Share on other sites
Isabella,

Your post was quite interesting; I'm only sorry I didn't see it when it was igniting such regular discussion. Anyway, I can relate to your situation. I'm an asexual with a fetish that excites me physically. For some time I thought that if I found a woman who was into it, that I would be able to have regular intercourse, although having had such an opportunity not too long ago, this has since been disproved. But despite my asexual situation, the fetish does still excite me. I'm perfectly comfortable with it, so I don't even mind mentioning what it is; I enjoy being tickled by women. Who knows why; just something I've experienced pretty much my entire life. Cheers.

Jahcess

I totally find tickling enjoyable, I just didnt know it qualified as a fetish. I prefer not to be tickled by anyone other than my boyfriend for this very reason, but if somebody I am even slightly attracted to tickles me, it is extremely arousing.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome Isabella!

I have a fetish, probably more correctly termed "paraphilia" as it is the only thing that enables me to experience sexual arousal. I accepted this years ago and get a lot of pleasure out of it.

I'm not going to reveal what it is, but it's a recognised one and I've even seen it on telly!

It's good to see that there appear to be other asexuals with fetishes, too

Link to post
Share on other sites
Zorya Vechernyaya

My psychology classes have always focused on the clinical (as opposed to interpersonal) aspects of aberration. We were taught to be very strict about classifying things. So....

Fetishism is the use of an inanimate object or a specific part of the body for physical or mental sexual stimulation. This sexual behavior is widespread and takes many forms, from benign (a preference for the partner's wearing of lingerie before sex) to vicious (a rapist cutting a lock of hair from the victim for use in masturbation).

Now, most fully-functional and sexual people (and apparently some asexual people) have certain objects or scenerios that excite them more than others. In order for the fetish to be considered a disorder, the following criteria must be met:

Repeatedly for at least 6 months the patient has intense sexual desires, fantasies or behavior concerning the use of inanimate objects

This results in clinically important distress or impairs work, social or personal functioning.

The objects are not used solely in cross-dressing (female clothing in Transvestic Fetishism) and are not equipment intended to stimulate the genitals (such as a vibrator).

I'd share, but it's not something I particularly want to admit, even through an anonymous interface.

*Skips away*

Oh -

Link to post
Share on other sites

Good topic Isabella !

Hypothetically, it would be that I get an erotic charge out of seeing someone bite his or her lower lip. Does not involve sex or genitalia.

I've two little dogs (terrier/poodle size) and when sometimes one of them nips me by accident, I experience a quick erotic charge "down below" - this can also happen when I witness (or myself experience) a teeny mild injury of the nip type. I would like however to point out that, as an ex endometriosis sufferer, physical pain is not something I relish. I bust an Achilles tendon this summer, that, and the anti-clotting injections I did over 10 weeks were a trial not a pleasure. In my sexual (shame) phase, one "lover" would regularly pin me down and bite me, it was horrible.

I do reassure one and all that I don't feel any sexual attraction towards my pups.

Link to post
Share on other sites

WOW i just read all four pages of replys. And im so happy not to be the only A person with a fetish. For me its femdom(hence the name) and any other fetishes i participate in are to please my owner/Mistress. I love this place :D

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a strange power-fetish. Strong, passionate and persistant minds and action does it for me. It's not a sexual fetish, but it's something that strikes my interest so much it's almost drug-like (the "high" I receive).

And... What is your definition of a fetish? I've heard many different definitions due to the individual and situation at hand. I believe that all of us can agree that we're all far from conventional.

Don't keep yourself from anything you don't whole-heartedly want to.

-Peter

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
harpsichordian

This is too good a thread to be relegated to the back burner, so I'll bring it back by posting a reply, even though no one is likely to see it! <sigh>

I, too, have a fetish - one which is too personal for me to reveal here, although I don't think it's terribly uncommon. It is, like some of the others, voyeuristic in nature, in that I only have to see it in action, or imagine seeing it (or, these days, mostly remember seeing it many years ago!) to become aroused. Arousal is almost always activated by reasonably attractive females, therefore I identify as a heterosexual, but I never desire sexual contact - or indeed any communication at all, just the right to watch!

Interestingly enough, some years ago I was in a position to act out my fetish myself, and experienced the curious sensation of becoming aroused by my own action!

It seems to me that there is an intimate link between asexuality and fetishes. I believe that my fetish is, in fact, at the root of my own asexuality.

Link to post
Share on other sites
societalpariah
To complicate this even further, I have a fetish, meaning that I can get turned on and derive sexual pleasure, but not from traditional physical/sexual relations with another person. The fetish was something that I have denied but am now starting to accept.

The fetish issue is one of the things that had me questioning whether or not I was truly A. I became aware of my fetish rather early on....mid-teens actually....but didn't begin acting on it till fairly recently, not because of my asexual identification (because I'd been denying that as well) but because I'd been raised to think behaviour like this was a complete aberration. I finally started bending to my desire to act as a 'sexual' dominant when I realised that I might get at least a bit of pleasure from the requisite sexual activity if I played this role. Thanks to this revelation, I can no longer say I've never 'gotten off', but it's always come from S&M/bondage activity that doesn't include any kind of penetration....or mess (on me, anyhow!)

I've dominated both men and women and derived equal pleasure from both, which is one of the reasons I'm still not clear on whether to call myself 'bisexual' or 'asexual'....after all, I'm still repulsed and/or confused by penetration and genitals in general, sooo....

Link to post
Share on other sites
I've dominated both men and women and derived equal pleasure from both, which is one of the reasons I'm still not clear on whether to call myself 'bisexual' or 'asexual'....after all, I'm still repulsed and/or confused by penetration and genitals in general, sooo....

That was interesting, thanks for sharing those feelings. I was wondering if you had acted as a dominant 'professionally' or just with partners, friends or acquaintances. A lot of women do it professionally, as it's a very lucrative activity.. and of course there's no actual sex involved.

When you watch films like 'Madam Cyn' and so on, it's quite bizarre that sub men would actually pay for the privilege of cleaning someone's house out.

Not that I was suggesting that you would do it for the money, but I used to know lots of women who did. I was involved with London's fetish scene for several years, and met some intriguing and wonderful people, men and women, of all ages and types. Many were artists photographers, writers, publishers..politicians, half the Judiciary..teachers..lawyers..and generally speaking very creative and educated people. It seems there could be a strong link between being arty articulated and educated, with being a bit bizarre, I've often thought that to myself.

Well, just my two-penny worth. Not that you get much for that these days, heh.

Cheers,

Kev

Link to post
Share on other sites
societalpariah

No, all my experience with D/s has been with partners and friends. I've fleetingly considered doing it for cash, particularly when I got a number of applications from potential 'slaves' when we went about looking for a female sub online. As a pure dominant, I find it utterly shocking sometimes the lengths some people will go to in order to be dominated and even humiliated! But hey, there's no accounting for personal taste.

So what I mean to say is, sure I'd do it for the money (talk about the perfect job)....if I weren't a bit worried about the folks at my current job finding out. (I'm not terribly worried about public image, but I'm a pediatrician....it might affect my business!)

Link to post
Share on other sites
xwiltedxfadedx

I'm asexual and I have a fetish with an interest in other fetishes. I have a blood fetish - I find blood very arousing in the context of causing the bleeding or tasting the the blood - and I'm quite curious about S&M. I am, also, remotely interested in both men and women....I feel emotion and intellectual connections with both. I am, however, more drawn to women.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I also have a fetish... however, the context that I'm using fetish in is "lifestyle choice/aspect of personality which makes a person comfortable/happy; which if in a relationship with another person with the same fetish, would boost sexual desire." Long defenition, I hope it makes sense. If you're curious, my fetish is anthropomorphism; I'm a "furry"... I have a sort of alter-ego which is an arctic fox.

Maybe it's just me, but I think that the definiton above of a fetish is a bit closer to reality that the others that are being bruited about... Even talking with others (My circle of friends and I are very open, to say nothing of stuff I've heard of online etc.) I know of various fetishes that do not involve other people, I know of various fetishes that by defenition cant involve sex, etc.

My theory is that the reason fetishes so often involve sex is that sex is biologically built in to human beings to be as pleasurable as possible, IE for most people having sex is the best feeling in the world.

Also, to Cate: Yay etymologism!! I also am a language freak (Working on learning my 5th language (-:þ )

Link to post
Share on other sites
I know of various fetishes that do not involve other people, I know of various fetishes that by defenition cant involve sex, etc.

It's posted either on this thread or another fetish-related one that the term "fetish" used to ONLY refer to when someone used things that were NOT "a normal part of sex", such as an object (shoe) or a body part that wasn't considered sexual (foot), to create feelings of sexual pleasure... these days, it's used for ANYTHING that brings on strong sexual feelings.

The so-called experts don't seem to know much about fetishism; for example, the # I usually see given is that about 6% of people qualify as fetishists, with nearly all of them being men... and if you've ever visited a fetish site or forum, you know that's got to be WAY off on both counts, even if you stick to the older definition of fetish.

Cool screen-name, by the way. :-)

Link to post
Share on other sites
I also have a fetish... however, the context that I'm using fetish in is "lifestyle choice/aspect of personality which makes a person comfortable/happy; which if in a relationship with another person with the same fetish, would boost sexual desire." Long defenition, I hope it makes sense. If you're curious, my fetish is anthropomorphism; I'm a "furry"... I have a sort of alter-ego which is an arctic fox.

Nifty! Asexual furries, way to make stupid people's heads explode!

Just thought it was cool because I'm sorta in that area, though not a fetishist/lifestyler... got no problem with that stuff, I'm just one of those in it for the art types, because it's not really a fundamental part of my identity or anything. I draw and make costumes. Hell, I'd like to do some public costuming someday - looks like a lot of fun.

Forgive my rambling - just found that quite neat.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Heh heh... I keep a list of names for people whose heads have exploded because of something I do/did/said etc. So far I've got 108 explosions, 230 "uhhhh (staring off into space)"s and 1,358 twenty-one groan salutes. (-:þ

Actually, the art is what drew me to the furry fandom in the first place, I ran across it while cruising various webcomics. Go figure, huh??

Also, to Princess-Spock: $50 says people will start asking if we're related... any bets??? Oh, and I concieved my screen name from a star trek outtake, what's your excuse? (-:þ

Link to post
Share on other sites
Also, to Princess-Spock: $50 says people will start asking if we're related... any bets??? Oh, and I concieved my screen name from a star trek outtake, what's your excuse? (-:<thorn>

Maybe they'll ask if I'm your ruler, lol. Seriously, though, Spock is my hero, and Princess is what my husband calls me. :-)

Link to post
Share on other sites
I also have a fetish... however, the context that I'm using fetish in is "lifestyle choice/aspect of personality which makes a person comfortable/happy; which if in a relationship with another person with the same fetish, would boost sexual desire."

Yes! That's the perfect definition for my fetish. Though, mine is kind of ruined by sex. The dynamic would be permanently thrown off if sex were to occur, I think.

Cate

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, I've been lurking for a bit and decided to come out, as it were.

I am asexual as well, but I do have a couple fetishes, most of them control oriented, with me being the one in control. I find other people's fetishes abstractly interesting just as I find sex itself abstractly interesting. I did find out that applying sex to my fetishes ruins them. Do I get aroused? Physically, yes, although actually having any type of sex is a boring mechanical act.

So, yeah. :-)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Seriously Confused
To complicate this even further, I have a fetish, meaning that I can get turned on and derive sexual pleasure, but not from traditional physical/sexual relations with another person. The fetish was something that I have denied but am now starting to accept. .

First of all I wouldn`t say we would have a fetish as such in a true asexual.

More like a Paraphilia: Disturbance in sexual object or behavior.

I have a Psychology book called "Psychology the essential science by robert a. baron". In the section Paraphilias there are sexual turn ons for weird things like, Human waste, dirt, animals, or even dead bodies, Inflicting pain or humiliation on others, getting aroused by nonconcenting partners, and others.

I am wondering if there are any other asexuals who are on this board who have a sexual fetish as well. I don't necessarily want to know what the fetish is, but I just want to find out if anyone shares the combination of asexuality and a fetish.

Am a male asexual and a newbie..... and mine is while looking in the mirror. Imagining my face morphing into becoming female. :oops: My desires are to be female. which comes under transsexualism or another term that of gender dysphoria.

Due to this I wouldn`t be too sure that I am what you call a true asexual as such. As a true asexual shouldn`t have any other signs of mental illness (I also have bipolar depression). Then again I guess that true asexuals would officially be classed as form of mental illness in the current medical journals too.

Bye for now,

Seriously Confused.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I also have a fetish, not an uncommon one actually, which can cause me to become aroused. Like others here, I wondered if this makes me technically asexual, although some of the articles would indicate that not only are fetishism and asexuality perfectly compatible, it would appear that some fetishes (such as bondage) are reasonably common among asexual persons.

In my case, when I experience arousal derived from my fetish, I am still uninterested in sexual activity; rather, I experience increased interest in the fetish. In fact, I know from personal experience that use of the fetish to increase my interest in the sex act is doomed to fail. Once the clothes come off, I lose interest, the fetish notwithstanding. In other words, sexual disinterest supersedes the fetish in my case.

Link to post
Share on other sites

hello there. i have hundreds of what sexual people would call "fetishes", but i take no sexual pleasure from them. most of them are high-pain BSDM stuff.

ive found that buying people stuff is my replacement for showing love actually!

but its not like a get a raging boner from the masochist crap at all. since you dont want to know what they are i wont name them.

such a sub!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Julian,

Your experience sounds the same as mine - my sex drive is entirely centered on my fetish.

I class myself as an asexual as I'm completely incapable of sexual activity with another person - even those I've found romantically alluring - and I've tried!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow, this thread has helped me figure out how to describe my emotional and even physical responses to my fetishes.

I'm into BDSM - a submissive masochist - and I can only be with women. The only way I'd ever get into it with a man as a submissive is if he was one of the TMNT. With a human I'd honestly kill him out of anger if I was put in a position of power - thanks to my childhood sexual abuse I also could not be submissive to a man, so I avoid BDSM altogether with men.

I enjoy pain, and can tolerate being touched in places that I normally would not allow for this purpose.

The instant someone brings sexual desire into it, BDSM because terrible, pointless, and a waste of my time. One of the women I was hurt by last year was into BDSM (she was a switch, but dominant with me) and I had a great time until she became focused on trying to bring me to orgasm, and refused to listen when I told her no. I hated her and shut myself off from her from that point on. I did cherish each and every bruise on me, though, but the sexual part I am trying to repress.

Take care,

Jenn

:twisted:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

This has definedly been a interesting thread to read as the subject has been on my mind lately. I am still trying to figure out if I could call myself asexual as such, but my approach to my fetish seems to match with the other people here, so now I've another thing to try and ignore whilte stubbornly telling myself I'm completely "normal" as such. :)

My fetish would be bondage. Despite of the fact that people seem to find me very dominant (go figure) and the sexual abuse I've had to deal with in the past, I'm a sub. I enjoy bondage as a pure clean fun, that happens to turn me on some, bring anything sexual to it and it takes from the pleasure and appreciation of the bind. Never would I want to experience anything that even remotely has to do with sex when in such a situation. Not even sure I consider it a fetish, more of a hobby since it isn't sexual to me (even if it turns me on).

Have you guys shared these fetishes with the people you know? I personally have told friends of mine and it seems to me that they are more readily accept the fact that I'm not in to sex _after_ they learn about my fetish. Makes me seem more like a normal guy with a kink?

PP

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...