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about asexuality and fetishes and me, a newbie


isabella

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Thanks for coming by Isabella!

As for fetishes....I'm one of the few here that can answer 'yes' to that question.

-Doc

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bard of aven

Leaving out the cultic practices of various groups and limiting it to the psychological def:

An object, a non-sexual part of the body, or a particular action which abnormally serves as the stimulus to, or the end in itself of, sexual desire.

I point this out for clarity's sake. I am not suggesting we adapt anyone else's defintion of normal, abnormal, or anything else. I am a great one for not accepting received definitions (older members will remember sevaral flame wars I fought on this issue), but I do think we should be aware of it when we don't do it. And the broader standard definitions certainly apply to the discussions here.

And, interestingly:

3 : irrational reverence or attachment : FIXATION *had a fetish for red hair.........

nuf said

boa

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hmm... the non-sexual definition that was presented isn't at all applicable to me. Mine actually makes me aroused (which makes me sometimes question my asexuality [but then I realize I still don't wanna have sex which makes me feel better]).

Here's an example. I don't find generic "attractive" people arousing, male or female. But when the fetish has been applied, I am aroused. But only then. And I'm not bisexual either (if I was, I wouldn't be here lol).

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Cate Perfect

Do you mean you think I'm a page to Julie? Actually, she's about six years younger than I am and I think of us as having an equal relationship. A pageist arrangement would have most of the power in the older woman's hands. My Pageist thing is really just a fantasy. I doubt I'd be able to stand being bossed around by someone all the time in reality.

Cate

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Did I say Julie? Argh.. now the burning in my face, and the blood in my ears.. I guess it means I like you guys. For clarity's sake, and then I'll crawl into a hole and die:

Step 1: Cate explains her fetish as wanting to serve an older woman.

Step 2: I ask what the name for the fetish which is an urge to have a younger woman serve you as a joke because that's what Cate needs (still joking), but

Step 3: I fail, and say Julie instead of Cate.

Step 4: I crawl into a hole and die.

Ta.

--davidey

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Cate Perfect

No! Don't die! Not unless you'd like to bleed first, as Tressa'd like to watch. If you're going to die at least entertain someone, you know?

We love you, man. It's okay. :D

Cate

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I'm confused. What are we embarrassed about?

I'm not insulted or anything that ya stuck my name in there and sort of changed the meaning. But...I'm perplexed as to just what you did mean.

Nothing to get so wound up about, Davidey. No worries. I'm just not understanding.

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You can probably believe me when I say: It isn't worth it. Not that funny to begin with, even if I hadn't screwed it up. And as to being wound up, it's just the way I'm wired, I guess (weak pun.. wound.. wires.. see? It's usually best not to bother).. I get afraid, and embarrassed, when I make mistakes.. especially when they might insult people I care about. Images of a mob with internet pitchforks coming after me and booting me out after pulling out my digital fingernails came to mind, and then as the rationality bit came in, awkwardness and expulsion. Okay, so not THAT rational. I'll admit it's odd.. I also get terrified when I lose things or get lost, even if I have a cell phone with me or if I have nowhere I need to be.

..And I've sunk to a new low: hijacking an intro thread.

Anyway. I'm glad you're not offended, and please let's leave it at that?

--davidey

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:D All right, fair enough, Davey. That's fine.

Yeah, apologies to the author of this thread. Sorry!

And now, back to your regularly scheduled FetishFest.

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Hi Isabella,

Welcome to Aven, and congrads on one of the greatest intro threads I've ever seen!

Fetishes are so personal .. I am amazed that anybody manages to discuss them at all except with others who share similar ones. (And what on earth did they manage to do before internet?)

Blood doesn't affect me too much unless there's a LOT of it, in which case my nearly-forgotten paramedic training resurfaces. Otherwise ...*shrugs*

Now ... a shirt full of baby turkeys is kind of fun for a day. They're warm and fuzzy and they tickle like crazy. .... probably not quite what you're getting at, though ....

(Does it have to pertain to humans in some way?)

Nah ... I don't want to know. :?

-Greybird

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My fetish definitely arouses me sexually, but again, it doesn't involve having sex and doesn't need to involve a person beyond observation

.

Fetishes could be for objects. Here are some other fetishes that I know of that are for rather mundane things. There are fetishes for balloons, shoes, leather, rubber, and feet and legs (most people have heard of these). Tickling can also be a fetish - if people get turned on by tickling someone or by being tickled. Of course, tickling involves some physical contact, unlike the ones that have to do with objects.

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I've never seen so many posts with my name in 'em in one place. :P I guess that's what I get for randomly becoming the "creepy blood kid."

Don't worry, I'll never randomly go out and hurt other people to watch them bleed. It isn't accompanied with sadistic urges at all; the other person being in pain isn't what interests me. I'll just stare like some slack-jawed idiot whenever someone else is bleeding, but it's not like "oh I can't look away," it's more like "That is so... :shock::)"

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I, personally, am really into watching people bleed.

Then La Reine Margot/Queen Margot might be of interest. be sure to keep a close eye on Charles IX :)

while i don't think they quite approach fetish-level strength, most things baroque/renaissance/medieval hold a special appeal to me :D

and welcome, Isabella!

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Hi. I'm a newbie on the board, too.

I'm a 20-year-old virgin and proud of it! I've never had a relationship or did any kind of fooling around. Honestly, I've never felt a big desire to fit in, either. Guess who got voted Most Individualistic in high school? :twisted:

Anyway, back on topic. I don't think I have any fetishes, unless you count occasionally getting excited at a show or when listening to music. I share your lack of need for sex. I satisfy whatever curiosity I have by reading books. I recommend Anne Rice's Exit to Eden for those curious about S&M, and from what I've read of her Sleeping Beauty trilogy (just the first book as yet), that's pretty good, too, along with being a good read. Ciao.

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...a bloody holocaust

Nice! 8) Ah Meretseger, I believe you are tops on my friends list now. :P

And thanks to everyone else for not chasing me out of AVEN with pitchforks and torches.

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fluffy_hime

Holy cow! I never knew so many people had fetishes! This has made me think...I don't think I have a fetish. ::thinks:: Power plays (e.g. unequal power, whether manifest through attitudes or abuse, between social classes, genders, etc) interest me a lot, but not in an erotic way.

So what's it called when you just want a servant so you can be lazy?

Tressa: craziness! Blood makes me queasy. :shock:

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Yeah, some people really hate blood. I have a friend who puts her hands at her sides whenever blood is mentioned because she's worried she'll accidentally slit her wrists on something. :P

Is this a hijack? Other people should reveal their fetishes now. ;)

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I kinda wanna, but I also kinda don't ><

Tressa, is your fetish a sexual fetish? Like, do you get aroused by blood? Or is it an overobsession?

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[thread veers in direction of cinema]

Nice! 8) ... I believe you are tops on my friends list now. :P

glad you liked the suggestion. :D

a note of caution: the plot is difficult to follow without a basic grasp of the political factions at court. i needed to watch the film twice, once to savour the visuals, and the 2nd time to appreciate the undercurrents.

oh, and the infamous white dress makes a relatively late appearance, so don't skip the second half. ;)

[/veer]

and now, back to the topic at hand:

FETISH - turn to the left! FETISH - turn to the right!

(paraphrasing David Bowie)

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Live R Perfect
Yeah, some people really hate blood. I have a friend who puts her hands at her sides whenever blood is mentioned because she's worried she'll accidentally slit her wrists on something. :P

Ha ha! My sister actually feints at the site of blood! :lol: One time she decided she was going to go and donate blood but she never even made it anywhere near the needle!

Sorry.... back to the fetishes....

I'm not even sure I know exactly whet y'all are talking about when you say you have a fetish. I always thought that a fetish had to be sexually arousing, but some of you seem to be saying that its just something you are REALLY obsessed / fascinated with.

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...its just something you are REALLY obsessed / fascinated with.

That society would likely label as "deviant." That's important.

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Tressa, is your fetish a sexual fetish? Like, do you get aroused by blood? Or is it an overobsession?

Hmm, well, I'd like to say it's an overobsession, just so I don't feel so...psychotic. I oddly enough desire physical contact with the bleeding person when I see it, even though that's a really dumb idea I'd never actually go through with due to HIV, Hep B, etc. I'm vaguely aware of some level of arousal, though not as much as most people with fetishes.

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I'm really, really glad this thread was posted.

Specifically when people talk about fetishes as a source of sexual arousal *instead of* what's supposed to be arousing, and Tressa's blood thing.

My fetish is the only thing I'm attracted to in that kind of way. And, like bleeding, it's got similarly "antisocial psychopath" connotations. I can't tell anything more about it as I really haven't fully come to terms with it myself. I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell anyone about it more explicitly than this.

It developed around age 12 and it didn't take long before I knew something was horribly wrong. It wasn't supposed to happen, I didn't want to have a fetish. I wanted desperately to get rid of it, in fact the only time I ever looked at pornography was when I was trying to "fix" myself. It didn't work and eventually I stopped torturing myself over it and accepted it, not as something benign, but as some permenant part of me that I couldn't change.

I still feel ambivalent about it. Sometimes I feel like it's something I should absolutely abstain from, other times I think it's more productive to have a safe outlet for it. I've tried to abstain from it and it only produces more shame when I fail. But it's still something I don't really want to admit to, I don't want to feel like I'm giving in.

It's a very personal sort of stigma that I've assigned myself, I've never told anyone about it. But I very much appreciate this thread as it's helping me to realize that it isn't my fault and it isn't something that I have to be ashamed of.

(how unfortunate to look back on my life and realize that most of my emotional scars are entirely my own doing...)

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I'm really, really glad this thread was posted.

Specifically when people talk about fetishes as a source of sexual arousal *instead of* what's supposed to be arousing, and Tressa's blood thing.

My fetish is the only thing I'm attracted to in that kind of way. And, like bleeding, it's got similarly "antisocial psychopath" connotations. I can't tell anything more about it as I really haven't fully come to terms with it myself. I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell anyone about it more explicitly than this.

It developed around age 12 and it didn't take long before I knew something was horribly wrong. It wasn't supposed to happen, I didn't want to have a fetish. I wanted desperately to get rid of it, in fact the only time I ever looked at pornography was when I was trying to "fix" myself. It didn't work and eventually I stopped torturing myself over it and accepted it, not as something benign, but as some permenant part of me that I couldn't change.

I still feel ambivalent about it. Sometimes I feel like it's something I should absolutely abstain from, other times I think it's more productive to have a safe outlet for it. I've tried to abstain from it and it only produces more shame when I fail. But it's still something I don't really want to admit to, I don't want to feel like I'm giving in.

It's a very personal sort of stigma that I've assigned myself, I've never told anyone about it. But I very much appreciate this thread as it's helping me to realize that it isn't my fault and it isn't something that I have to be ashamed of.

(how unfortunate to look back on my life and realize that most of my emotional scars are entirely my own doing...)

well I'm glad this thread has been so reassuring to you ^-^. Signs of my fetish have been around for as long as I can remember. like, 2 and older XD. But there definately is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to fetishes. You just have them-- and it's as simple as that.

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I've been interested in blood since I was a little inanebrat. Somewhere down the line, it must've become sexually arousing to me. How, I do not know. I sorta wish it had never happened, but oh well. I'll never cut someone open or anything so it doesn't matter. :P

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All this talk about blood fetish is interesting. I don't have issues with seeing blood, but I'm not turned on by it either. The closest I'd say I come to blood on a regular basis is reading vampire novels. Anybody else read Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles?[/u]

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I started the first one but felt guilty about it and stopped about halfway through.

i'm curious, what is there to feel guilty about in "Interview with the Vampire"!? it's an engrossing read IMO, the homoerotic subtext is kept in the background and even the film adaptation is decent.

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