Which is the hardest for you to say?

[Jelle]

[Snao Cone]

I absolutely hate saying "I love you." I am not great at asking for help, but I can do it sometimes. I am fine with apologizing and like doing it with sincere reflection.

[Liara]

Never really said « I love you ». Pretty unable to do it.

[Ydobemos]

I don't have trouble with any of these personally.

I say i love you to my family and friends all of the time because to me it's a way to say i care about them.

I don't have issues with apologizing either, sometimes i even over-apologize.

For the i need help one, i always ask for help when i need it, except in some circumstances where i was lost on what to do,

so it took me some time to ask for help.

[Ceebs]

Apologising used to be really hard for me when I was younger. My dad has probably never said it in his life and I viewed admitting you were wrong to be defeat because I saw being correct, being the best, etc. (and proving it, and refusing to back down) as the point of almost everything. It rarely even occurred to me that I could be wrong or have screwed up anyway. Younger me was not good at seeing or caring about anyone else's perspective besides my own. However, that's changed as I've got older. If I owe someone an apology I'll give them one. It just feels wrong not to and if I've hurt someone it bothers me kind of obsessively until it's resolved.

 

I don't know what to say about the one regarding help. If I need help but don't want help, I probably won't ask. If I need help and I'm losing my shit and want someone else to take over dealing with whatever the issue is, I'll ask for help faster than you can say the word 'help'. 
 

'I love you' always feels strange when I actually say the words out loud to anyone. I've always had a lot of trouble with sort of... common societally-determined phrases. This was a huge issue for my mum when I was a little kid and wouldn't use things like 'please' and 'thank you', even though I always tried very desperately to show politeness and gratitude in other ways (non-verbally, like by smiling, or with other words). Besides constantly prompting me verbally, she bought me a book about manners and I hated it with an intense passion and felt extremely guilty and uncomfortable every time I saw it. (And the more she pushed, the bigger the problem became and the more I resisted.) I just couldn't do the words. I hate saying people's names aloud as well and will avoid doing so at all costs, including things like 'Mum' or 'Dad' (I would literally shout 'Hey you!' at my parents when I was trying to get their attention).

 

Anyway, 'I love you' is in that category for sure. I'll say it to my husband, but with other people, it just sounds way too weird and fake when it's coming out even if I do actually love them. Like I literally have trouble with the intonation, as if I'm an actor doing a shit job of saying a phrase in the contextually-correct tone. Typing it is easier since there's no speaking involved but I still won't use the phrase 'I love you' in writing unless I really mean it, which is why I'll deflect when my mother says it in texts since I don't know if I love her. Sometimes I'll say it to a friend more freely if I'm ridiculously drunk. And sometimes I'll use it in a way where it's more like a reaction to something someone said or did, just a show of enthusiasm or appreciation (but it would still have to be someone I like a lot to use it in that sense).

[Gloomy]

“I need help”, but “I love you” is a close second.

[uhtred]

B.  I'm pretty much unable to ask for help.  The others I can and do say and mean them. 

[Jelle]

Asking for help is the most difficult to me, too. But apologising is the second. For me, it really depends on a person and the situation.

[Ivi]

Saying "I love you" has been difficult to learn to my Anglo friends and husband and with some other cultures too. In my culture we don't say it even to our children ever. I have never said it in my language to loved ones, but it is normal not to ever utter or hear those words in my culture. Kind of sad really, stoic cold macho type of thing I guess. It is too "soft" to say in my culture, or somehow considered too vulnerable softie thing to say. I do like the freedom of saying it to my friends, husband...but it is still very difficult when you didn't grow around it. I do say it with feeling vulnerable and ashamed unfortunately, but I know the recipients see it as normal communication to a husband or a friend on their end, so I can somehow say it nowadays. I just rarely know when to say it (in mixed cultural settings I might say it as the ending of each mail...clumsy but alright.) I kind of admire it because you never know when you lose someone and then it is too late. I think it is nice, but yes, loses its meaning easily too.

Saying "I apologize", I do apologize for my words often because I just feel like a dummy. Saying "I need help", yes, I often say it to my mother because I need help often and she knows (my ASD support needs). 

I apologize for the length of this answer. 🙂

[Peaseblossom o7]

not only do i not want to say i love you, i don't want it said to me either

[Ydobemos]

8 minutes ago, Peaseblossom o7 said:

not only do i not want to say i love you, i don't want it said to me either

Is it better to say i care about you?

There could be others too like: I like spending time with you, I am glad we are friends, you matter to me.

It's ok if something else feels better to hear.

There's also other love languages if you don't like hearing words.

As long as you can feel appreciated for who you are as a person 🫂

[Snao Cone]

35 minutes ago, Peaseblossom o7 said:

not only do i not want to say i love you, i don't want it said to me either

I hate hearing it too, because it is usually laden with expectation to say it back.

[Peaseblossom o7]

52 minutes ago, Ydobemos said:

Is it better to say i care about you?

There could be others too like: I like spending time with you, I am glad we are friends, you matter to me.

It's ok if something else feels better to hear.

There's also other love languages if you don't like hearing words.

As long as you can feel appreciated for who you are as a person 🫂

ew to all of those. I'm too depressed to like compliments. 

[Sister Mercurial]

If I'm sorry, I say so.  Not if someone expects me to, but I'm not (e.g. they burnt up my phone credit using 50 times as many words as they needed and boring me to the point of physical pain, but ignored my polite ways of trying to get them to stop talking, so I had to be blunt enough for them to get the message).  

 

If I need help and someone is around who is likely to help, I ask.  Trouble is, my experience is that most people aren't likely to help.  In the case of the local mental health services, it's their literal job to help, but I've been chasing them in vain for years.  

 

Can't remember the last time I told someone I loved them.  I've never experienced requited romantic love, so there's no point saying it to somebody who doesn't love me.  My family has always been dysfunctional, so I grew up very confused about the meaning of love, which seemed a wonderful thing when I read about it in books, but when my parents said it, it was either an excuse to treat me less well than the other kids in the class (being told they loved me for getting 20/20 on a test, when I knew another girl in my class had got money as a reward for getting 15/20) or a tool of emotional blackmail (either directly or in the context of religion).  So theirs was a very tennis kind of love: behind the flowery word was ... zero.  Then when I got a crush on an older girl in secondary school, my sister, with whom I do get on, was freaked out if I said I loved her because she worried it meant *in that way* (for the avoidance of all doubt, it didn't), so I got out of the habit of saying it even to family members I care about because I didn't want to upset them.  

[Ydobemos]

17 hours ago, Peaseblossom o7 said:

ew to all of those. I'm too depressed to like compliments. 

In your heart, you know you deserve to be loved and to love yourself.

I know it might be hard to see that sometimes, but it's true.

It's really ok to not like compliments.You just have to be there for yourself,

also little by little you can do tiny steps to build your confidence and take risks to meet new people.

Your people are out there somewhere. You will have friends that understand you and you will be happy in your life 🫂

 

[intro03]

Definitely C. I don't think I have ever told anyone, and probably never will. Even if I am friends with someone, I mostly show that I like being with them through my actions only. My parents sometimes get upset because I never told them either. A and B are also difficult, but not impossible for me.

[bare_trees]

There was a time when none of those presented a challenge to me.  But the older I get, the more difficult C is.  Not just saying the literal words "I love you," but expressing how deeply I feel about someone with words in general.  It feels too risky.  It's easier to just hope that people understand how much I care about them.  There is always something in the back of my mind nagging me and saying that there's a good chance someone I consider a close friend doesn't think of me that way.

[Dagomir]

Definitely "I love you". It's just not something I say, or even feel. I suppose I may have said it to my mother at some point...

[Jelle]

I often tell people I love them, and I mean it. I'm naturally full of love, but I don't really fall in love. So this is not a problem to me. I don't have sexual desires, I don't fall for people in romantic way, but I do love my friends and I don't hesitate to say it to them.

 

Asking for help is the most difficult thing for me. I'd rather die trying to do everything myself than ask for help. I think it's partially how I was raised, to be tough and self-sufficient. 

 

Apologising? Only when I really feel guilty. The last time I apologised was to my friend, for all that weird situation at work. I said I didn't wsnt him to have problems because of me, and also meant it. Otherwise, it's not easy for me.

[Artemis42]

"I love you" for sure. I'll say it to my mom if she says it first, but it always feels a bit forced; that said I can still say it, but it feels kind of bad that I only say it when I feel obligated and I wonder if it makes her feel bad. I've never said "I love you" to a friend, that sounds impossible to me and definitely unnatural. I might say something else like "I appreciate you" on occasion, that feels more natural and true for me but even that's kind of rare. I guess I just don't express myself that way. I did say "I love you" to my now ex boyfriend though, and that felt natural for the most part (except for the time period where I had in fact stopped loving him but still said it out of obligation). I'm only physically affectionate in romantic contexts too, so I guess romance just makes me more expressive with my love? 
 

On 4/6/2026 at 12:43 PM, Ceebs said:

Apologising used to be really hard for me when I was younger. My dad has probably never said it in his life and I viewed admitting you were wrong to be defeat because I saw being correct, being the best, etc. (and proving it, and refusing to back down) as the point of almost everything. It rarely even occurred to me that I could be wrong or have screwed up anyway. Younger me was not good at seeing or caring about anyone else's perspective besides my own. However, that's changed as I've got older. If I owe someone an apology I'll give them one. It just feels wrong not to and if I've hurt someone it bothers me kind of obsessively until it's resolved.

 

I don't know what to say about the one regarding help. If I need help but don't want help, I probably won't ask. If I need help and I'm losing my shit and want someone else to take over dealing with whatever the issue is, I'll ask for help faster than you can say the word 'help'. 
 

'I love you' always feels strange when I actually say the words out loud to anyone. I've always had a lot of trouble with sort of... common societally-determined phrases. This was a huge issue for my mum when I was a little kid and wouldn't use things like 'please' and 'thank you', even though I always tried very desperately to show politeness and gratitude in other ways (non-verbally, like by smiling, or with other words). Besides constantly prompting me verbally, she bought me a book about manners and I hated it with an intense passion and felt extremely guilty and uncomfortable every time I saw it. (And the more she pushed, the bigger the problem became and the more I resisted.) I just couldn't do the words. I hate saying people's names aloud as well and will avoid doing so at all costs, including things like 'Mum' or 'Dad' (I would literally shout 'Hey you!' at my parents when I was trying to get their attention).

 

Anyway, 'I love you' is in that category for sure. I'll say it to my husband, but with other people, it just sounds way too weird and fake when it's coming out even if I do actually love them. Like I literally have trouble with the intonation, as if I'm an actor doing a shit job of saying a phrase in the contextually-correct tone. Typing it is easier since there's no speaking involved but I still won't use the phrase 'I love you' in writing unless I really mean it, which is why I'll deflect when my mother says it in texts since I don't know if I love her. Sometimes I'll say it to a friend more freely if I'm ridiculously drunk. And sometimes I'll use it in a way where it's more like a reaction to something someone said or did, just a show of enthusiasm or appreciation (but it would still have to be someone I like a lot to use it in that sense).

Okay wow I also feel weird about saying people's names out loud. Between this and seeing that other people struggle with "I love you" is making me feel a lot less strange right now, haha. I also hate saying my own name. I don't know what that is.  

[daveb]

3 hours ago, Artemis42 said:

Okay wow I also feel weird about saying people's names out loud.

Addressing people by their names out loud does feel weird/odd/awkward to me, too. Maybe too "familiar" or something? Even if they are people who are close to me or should be it still fills odd to say their name while I'm talking to them or to call out their name to get their attention. And even though I might mention them by name when talking to someone else.

[Snao Cone]

I hate hearing my name most of the time, but that's usually because it's the one I didn't choose.

[Sally]

Even though I romantically loved my partner for all the years of our relationship, I just could not say "I love you."  Even when he said it to me.  I don't know why.

[Ceebs]

I think I always assumed everyone felt weird and uncomfortable saying the words aloud, whether to a partner or friend or family member. I can understand why I don't want to say it to someone I'm not sure I love, but when the feelings are there why is it still such a problem? My brain can be thinking 'I love you more than anything ever in the entire universe in the entire history of time' and (at least in my relationship) I'm very physically affectionate, but my mouth says something that sounds like a robot programmed to say a phrase when you press a button or like an actor who's entirely misjudged the placement of emphasis on particular syllables or words. It sounds so completely normal and easy and natural when my husband says it to me, but if I say it back it's like watching myself as I sound like a complete moron doing it wrong and then I worry he'll think I'm faking it even though I know that's a stupid worry.

 

We've ended up with a verbal ritual that somehow feels so much more natural, though.

Him: 'I love you.'

Me: 'Still?'

Him: 'Always.'

Me: 'That's a long time.'

Him: 'That's the definition of always.'

 

Alternatively...

 

Him: 'I love you.'

Me: 'I love you too, more than all invertebrates [a reference to my love of octopuses] and more than all other vertebrates too.'

 

Somehow including the vertebrates and invertebrates and using the exact same sentence makes it feel easier? 😂

 

I genuinely don't remember how I handled it in previous relationships. Undoubtedly more awkwardly because the feelings weren't quite the same.

 

I think I tried to say it out loud to my gran a few times just because I felt it strongly and wanted her to know, but she wasn't the most effusive person when it came to verbal affection herself.

 

[Epitaph]

Tossup between B and C but I think B edges out just slightly. Love you is interesting. I have trouble saying it for the express reason that I think it doesn't sound legitimate coming from me, and I think that's because I half register affection now. I don't feel people's love for me if they have it, so I have no particular feelings when somebody says it to me. I know it's there, but I'm too empty to sound legitimate, and if I'm not being legitimate, I can't do it.

Asking for help though? I don't as I know there's no point.

[Ydobemos]

3 hours ago, Epitaph said:

Asking for help though? I don't as I know there's no point.

I am sorry you feel that way, i would say there is a point to ask for help but maybe i say that because i'm lucky.

I had bad therapists before but i found one by doing a thorough research online and she really cares about me and my issues.

Also i live in Canada so things are different than if i lived in the USA.

[Duke Memphis]

B, definitely. I used to apologize all the time, and I've been managing that habit, and I have no problem telling the people I'm close enough to that I love them.

 

I grew up as someone who was pretty much put in front of a TV or a video game to keep me occupied, which meant that I wasn't shown how to do a lot of things. Because of how much I didn't know, I would often ask for help on things. That tended to lead to ridicule, people taking advantage of my ignorance, dismissal, or the classic "you'll learn when you're older" and "figure it out yourself" lines.

 

I believe a huge part of it is the fact that my dad never quite knew what to with an abnormal kid. He never had me evaluated for any sort of mental condition, but my mom did after she came into my life, getting me formally diagnosed with autism, and I've mostly been seen as the helpless kid who needs to be looked after. Some people would have no problem with someone always looking after them, but that situation clashes with my independent streak, so I'm working on being someone who can provide for himself instead of asking for help, placing myself at the mercy of others who don't see my potential, and getting let down for the umpteenth time.

 

Now, I don't ask for help. I don't beg. I don't call for favors. If I do something, it's transactional, out of the kindness of my heart, or simply by stepping up for myself. I've learned to utilize my surroundings and my skills, sharpening the properties I already possess.

 

The answer is B. Thank you for attending my origin story TED Talk.

[Tyke]

C would be the absolutely easiest were it to be true.

 

But I've experienced it so rarely that it isn't really relevant. I'm better at A than B. 

[A User]

B because i can do A and C flawlessly

[VieNoir]

I can say i love you to my friends and my sister.. but i feel awkward saying i love you to my parents(because we are not just used to saying it..). I need help is really hardest for me