I Don't Want Children, Why Does No One Believe Me!?

[StillDoNotKickthePie]

I've known for quite some time that I don't want children EVER. I also don't want to get married either. My reasons are because I don't want to be a parent, too much work for 18+ years. I also find the idea of pregnancy unpleasant. 9 months of suffering for you to then possibly get maimed or die. don't want to get married because... Well, have a peek at my a/sexuality section. I don't tell any adults this though, because my own parents brush me off whenever I say it. I get responses such as:

 

"Of course you don't want kids, I wasn't thinking about having kids at  your age."

"You will meet a man who will change your mind." [...Too bad I'm not straight then]

 

And my mom makes sure to always say "when you have kids" "when you get married" "your husband..." Both my parents seem to think romantic love is an unchangeable prophecy that everyone has to go through and that there's nothing I can do to stop it. All of this rubbish makes my inner pessimist want to cry "My parents think I'm a broken freak who needs to find the right person in order to be fixed!!1111 Wah!" It also doesn't help that recently when I tried to read the definition of aromatic asexual to them after I said I wasn't straight. My dad asked if it was a mental thing [isn't all orientation, in a way?] and unsure how to respond, I said yes. Then they suddenly starting discussing getting me a therapist like being aroace is a mental problem.

 

...So, not only do they not believe me when I said I don't want to get married or have children, but they also think I'm a lesbian in denial [or at least my mom does, because she keeps insisting that all of the identities in LGBTQ+ are just synonyms of gay and that you can only be gay or straight] with a mental problem or something who needs to be fixed. 

[everywhere and nowhere]

I think that at least it will fizzle out as you get older. In my family... this marriage normativity was perhaps never this strong, but when I was a child (and I decided that I don't want to have children extremely early, when I was five years old and had just read two books aimed at explaining reproduction to slightly older children) nobody seemed to take my declarations seriously... and now almost forty years have passed and they see that I have never changed my mind, never married, never mentioned or have been mentioned to have a partner...

In fact, if we take my mom specifically... I think that she must be really glad now that I don't want to have children. I fail so badly at "being an adult", I'm autistic, can't even earn enough for myself (although this at least seems to be getting better; touch wood)... I'm exactly a person who shouldn't be a parent, so it would be much worse if I wanted to.

[Sister Mercurial]

Often happens when people have previously known somebody who did change their mind.  My sister did.  My parents gave up on the idea of my ever having kids when my auntie had more kids and they saw how repulsed I was around those kids (who have since grown up: I get on better with my cousins now I can have grown-up conversations with them).  These days, I've learnt to be a bit more tolerant around my sister's kids, but I still wouldn't want to have to deal with them 24/7/365.  

[Jade Cross Lord Of Toys]

Hello fellow freak (I dont mean that in any disrespectful way)

 

This isnt an uncommon scenario, though it certainly seems to be changing; slowly, but surely. I have been there myself, heard all the justifications/excuses/remarks:

 

-Everyone wants it

-Youre just saying that

-Youre just trying to be difficult

-Everyone says that at first, then change their minds

-Youre going to die alone if you dont

-No man is an island

-You cant know that for sure

-Parenthood is beautiful (yea, just ask any late 80's-90's kid, see what they say) 

-You will be lonely

-Who will take care of you when youre older

-You arent getting any younger

-What are you waiting for to give me granchildten!?

-You will regret it

-Thats not normal

-You must be sick

Youre just being lazy/irresponsible

 

Well, you get the idea. And guess what, it has not changed, and it will never change. As the meme goes "The bloodline ends with me" 

[daveb]

Sometimes you just have to be yourself and let other people think what they will think. Eventually they may come to realize you are who you are. If you are lucky, if they really care about you and are openminded, they will accept the real you. In the meantime, keep being true to yourself.  

[nickolekuebler]

I wanted to have kids. but I don't like to change diapers or anything else like that. I like kids more when they are older and I can go to the park with them and such and play with them. My partner has an 8 year old daughter and she is just so much fun. I can easily find ways to play with them just sitting at a table in a restaurant. I did that just yesterday lol. I also always knew that I never would have wanted to have kids before i transitioned. I would rather be pregnant than to be a father lol. point is that we are all different people and we all want different things and that is ok. you should be yourself and eventually I think your parents will come around to understand and accept you. in my case my family did not really start to accept me until after I was an adult and had joined the military. 

[AhimsaRaven]

I'm sorry. My parents are hardheaded moderate liberals and said the same thing years ago when I told them I'm not a girl, don't want kids, and don't want to get married ever. They told me "you'll change your mind" and then thought I must be a lesbian for years. They thought being trans was just about "sex change surgery."

 

It's taken many years, but I now don't experience outright hatred from them. Just whispers behind my back gossiping to other family member. I'm never, ever having kids. I'm fine being the last of my bloodline. I think maybe they've somewhat started to understand that at least.

 

I've found a clinic that performs hysterectomies and I fully plan to get one (or sterilized, depending what insurance pays) when I'm eligible next year

[Rynn]

The short answer is that sexism makes people believe women can't be trusted to know what they want/what's good for them. The younger the woman is, the worse it is. And of course women are supposed to be biologically compelled to want kids.

 

 

My dad also says stuff like 'your aunt used to say she didn't want kids, but then she took care of you for a day and changed her mind'. I think now that I'm a month and a half away from getting a hysterectomy it's finally setting in for him that I'm really not going to change my mind. Sad for him but neither of my siblings are enthused about the idea of parenthood either. He really wanted to be a grandpa. He shouldn't have made three queer autistic kids then 🤷‍♂️

[StillDoNotKickthePie]

9 hours ago, Jade Cross Lord Of Toys said:

Hello fellow freak (I dont mean that in any disrespectful way)

 

This isnt an uncommon scenario, though it certainly seems to be changing; slowly, but surely. I have been there myself, heard all the justifications/excuses/remarks:

 

-Everyone wants it

-Youre just saying that

-Youre just trying to be difficult

-Everyone says that at first, then change their minds

-Youre going to die alone if you dont

-No man is an island

-You cant know that for sure

-Parenthood is beautiful (yea, just ask any late 80's-90's kid, see what they say) 

-You will be lonely

-Who will take care of you when youre older

-You arent getting any younger

-What are you waiting for to give me granchildten!?

-You will regret it

-Thats not normal

-You must be sick

Youre just being lazy/irresponsible

 

Well, you get the idea. And guess what, it has not changed, and it will never change. As the meme goes "The bloodline ends with me" 

 

None taken, the first sentence cracked me up!

 

Mind if I add a couple of things I've been told?

"How do you know you're aromantic if you've never felt romance?" [Virtual facepalm]

"I didn't start dating until I was an adult" ----> Something both of my parents have said, but the difference between me and them is that I've never even desired romance while they did before they began to date. 

"You won't know until you're an adult." ----> My dad said this one. I'm in my last couple of years of high school!! When I brought that up, he moved the goalpost and said "until your 20s". What's the difference between an 18 year old and a 20 year old?

"Of you don't want sex yet, you're young" -----> Aren't teenagers stereotyped as humping everything like unfixed dogs [well, girls not so much]? If this was true, then teen pregnancies would be at a record 0%! 

 

They seem to think that me being repulsed by sex & romance is some phase that I'll grow out and that "the right person" will cure me of...

 

[Mult]

You'll get "you'll change you mind" to "you're biological clock is ticking" to "you missed your window".

 

Counting down the days until I'm classified a "crazy pet lady". I hate being perceived as "available" and I hate it when people talk to me like I stand in the shadow of a man who doesn't even exist. 

 

"Your husband will be a lucky man" is such a back-handed compliment. It's the "you only matter in what you bring to a man." Heteronormative people always find some way to bring men into the conversation when it comes to a woman's success in life, or on the flip side, women are admonished for not living up to the standards these same people expect them to provide to a man. 

 

The same people expect women to give sex as something that is owed from them. 

[MushroomE]

3 hours ago, Rynn said:

The short answer is that sexism makes people believe women can't be trusted to know what they want/what's good for them. The younger the woman is, the worse it is. And of course women are supposed to be biologically compelled to want kids.

 

Same thing happens to me. 

Recently my dad has been, according to my mom, freaking out about how I'm gonna be a "cat lady" when I get older (I literally just said I might adopt 1-2 cats and don't want kids!)

My mom isn't even on my side really, she said I'll change my mind.

 

[Frameshift07]

3 hours ago, Rynn said:

He really wanted to be a grandpa. He shouldn't have made three queer autistic kids then 🤷‍♂️

Parents who say "but I wanted to be a grandpa" and "I need time to mourn the old you [because you transitioned]" are the same type of person I'd imagine. It astounds me that these people will spend over ten years raising their child and say something so hurtful because they acted independently rather than as a pet.

[Rynn]

1 hour ago, Frameshift07 said:

Parents who say "but I wanted to be a grandpa" and "I need time to mourn the old you [because you transitioned]" are the same type of person I'd imagine. It astounds me that these people will spend over ten years raising their child and say something so hurtful because they acted independently rather than as a pet.

Idk I quite like my dad. He tries his best. He's allowed to be sad that he doesn't get to be a grandpa. He's going to have to accept it as the truth, but he can be sad about it.

 

Idk if this was a thing outside of the Netherlands, but when we were kids we'd have these little 'friendship booklets' with empty profiles in them going like 'name' 'picture' 'favorite color', 'what I like most about you', 'the most fun thing we did together', and then you'd give the booklet to your friends and have them write out their answers. It was cute. One of the questions was 'what do I want to be when I grow up'. Obviously I had my dad write out a profile, because that booklet needed to be filled, and he wrote 'grandpa'. He wanted to be the fun grandpa who hands out snacks and plays games with his grandkids and teaches them to ice skate and kayak and build stuff out of wood. My mom's always been like 'if you ever get kids I'm not watching them, I'm so done watching kids' and my dad's like 'Noooo but I want to have grandkids over all the time!  '. 

I think his dream for the future was a really nice one, and I'm sad for him that it's not going to happen. We told him to hold out hope for a cousin, that they might get kids and he can do all of the fun grandpa things with them instead. 

[EclipseChild]

On 2/26/2026 at 6:44 PM, StillDoNotKickthePie said:

I've known for quite some time that I don't want children EVER.

Same here! I don't want children either.

 

I haven't had those phrases said directly to me, but I'm worried that it will happen when I get older. Luckily, my mother, who is a conservative Christian, has acknowledged that children isn't for everyone. (My immediate family and I are anti-Trump). It took years but my father, who is agnostic, has also realized the same. I know he felt pressure to date and marry form his parents, so I wouldn't be surprised if they also pressured him to have children and he thought it was normal.

 

My current worry is that a close friend of mine recently got married, and they are now expecting. Given that his family (and probably his wife's family) are conservative Christians too, I'm worried that they also had pressure to have children. I hope everything works out.

 

Ironically, exactly when you posted this topic, I was in an neurodiversity support group I recently joined and one of the topics that evening we discussed was pressure to have children, along with pressure to marry. Everyone who spoke agreed that marrying and having children is an individual's choice and should not be dictated by society.

[Sally]

As another person said, when you get older, you will (or may) be believed.  Until then, just don't fight it, and don't get roped into talking about it, especially with your parents.  Change the subject when it comes up.  People will finally stop talking about it if you don't respond.  

[TheSpinachCartel]

As much as my dad has said if he did have grandkids he'd love them to death, im fortunate he's made it very clear hes invested in my happiness, not some children who dont even exist and will never. Besides he did raise us to be as independent as possible, to not need anybody and be happy as individuals before anything else. He did say recently, and not in a negative manner, just matter of factly, that i will never get married, a partner will ruin my mojo LOL hes not completely wrong i absolutely will not have a partner who takes from my life rather than adds. Im almost positive a lot of people will insist on you having kids due to some deep seated insecurities of theirs being set off by your sureness in yourself to not have them.