Spirit aura Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 Hello everyone! I'm happy to leave my mark here, although this topic is very sad and disturbing for me, haha. I want to warn you right away that I don't speak English, so there may be many mistakes in my message. I've been studying asexuality for many years to understand myself, and sometimes it even makes me anxious. Especially because I desperately want to be in a relationship. I sincerely want to be a wife (I lean towards heteroromanticism). Sometimes these thoughts lead me to long periods of apathy and melancholy. I start crying for a long time because I don't believe that I will ever meet an asexual man. I don't see any compromises for myself at all if we consider a relationship with a non-asexual partner. Maybe I just don't know everything. Honestly, I don't even have anyone to discuss this with in real life. Please share your experience/opinion/advice, if possible! If your partner is asexual, how did you meet? If your partner is not asexual, how did you come to a compromise and how do you feel in such a relationship? I'd be very happy to read any answers, thank you for your attention💓 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AhimsaRaven Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 Hello and welcome to AVEN! 🍰 (A row of cupcakes with multicolor sprinkles and green frosting.) I am glad that you are here and thank you for sharing your experience with us. I understand it is very difficult to have no other people in real life to talk to about asexuality. I do not have anyone else to talk about it with either outside of online places since nobody understands it. I do not have personal experience with romantic relationships as I am aromantic, but many asexual people can and do successfully find asexual romantic relationships. Asexual men do exist (I am one). Please do not lose hope. I wish you all the best and I hope you have a good time on AVEN. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eutierria Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 2 hours ago, Spirit aura said: desperately want to be in a relationship. I sincerely want to be a wife (I lean towards heteroromanticism). Sometimes these thoughts lead me to long periods of apathy and melancholy. I start crying for a long time because I don't believe that I will ever meet an asexual man Asexual (hetero-romantic) men exist but my concern would be your vulnerability. Try not to rush to the first asexual man you meet just because you have a matching sexual orientation. 2 hours ago, Spirit aura said: Please share your experience/opinion/advice, if possible! If your partner is asexual, how did you meet? If your partner is not asexual, how did you come to a compromise and how do you feel in such a relationship? In brief, dated an allosexual man because I was following a template created by societal expectations - I eventually made the decision to leave. After going through what felt like my world had turned upside down - singledom has been the most freeing & happy I have been. Following that I talked with some asexual men on mainstream apps/sites & got to know them as friends. More recently AceSpace.Love was created by & for aces - that's where most of my conversations with ace men have been. Out of about 50 conversations, I chose 1 (UK) to date (there were 2 more I would've happily gone on a date with but they lived on the other side of the world & another 2 who would probably have become good friends but also lived on another continent). Unless I really like someone already through conversations (written /voice/video calls), I won't want to meet them for dating. For anyone who I find early incompatibility (e.g. Opposing political affiliation / value system), I'll be polite & end the conversation. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit aura Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 1 hour ago, AhimsaRaven said: Вітаємо в AVEN! 🍰 (Ряд кексів з різнокольоровою посипкою та зеленою глазур'ю.) Я рада, що ви тут, і дякую, що поділилися з нами своїм досвідом. Я розумію, що дуже важко, коли в реальному житті немає інших людей, з якими можна поговорити про асексуальність. Мені також немає з ким поговорити про це поза межами інтернету, оскільки ніхто цього не розуміє. У мене немає особистого досвіду романтичних стосунків, оскільки я ароматична людина, але багато асексуальних людей можуть знайти і успішно знаходять асексуальні романтичні стосунки. Асексуальні чоловіки існують (я один з них). Будь ласка, не втрачайте надії. Бажаю тобі всього найкращого і сподіваюся, що ти добре проведеш час на AVEN. Thank you!!! Thank you!!! Thank you very much for such support, it is really very important to me, I wish you all the best! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit aura Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 1 hour ago, Eutierria said: Асексуальні (гетероромантичні) чоловіки існують, але мене турбує ваша вразливість. Намагайтеся не поспішати з першим зустрінутим асексуальним чоловіком лише тому, що у вас така ж сексуальна орієнтація. In brief, dated an allosexual man because I was following a template created by societal expectations - I eventually made the decision to leave. After going through what felt like my world had turned upside down - singledom has been the most freeing & happy I have been. Following that I talked with some asexual men on mainstream apps/sites & got to know them as friends. More recently AceSpace.Love was created by & for aces - that's where most of my conversations with ace men have been. Out of about 50 conversations, I chose 1 (UK) to date (there were 2 more I would've happily gone on a date with but they lived on the other side of the world & another 2 who would probably have become good friends but also lived on another continent). Unless I really like someone already through conversations (written /voice/video calls), I won't want to meet them for dating. For anyone who I find early incompatibility (e.g. Opposing political affiliation / value system), I'll be polite & end the conversation. Hello! Thank you very much for such a detailed answer; it is important to me. Thank you for sharing your experience! It's true about vulnerability. I really value solitude. I'm an introvert, but when I'm in love, I can bend over backwards to suit my partner and their desires, forgetting about myself. I understand that this is unsafe for me and destructive, as well as for the relationship itself, so for now I choose not to enter into relationships at all, but I understand that I really want one in the future. Good luck! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nellwyn Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 Welcome to AVEN!! 🍰 You can absolutely have an asexual relationship! I cant give much advice but I wish you luck! Don't lose hope, there's someone for you out there!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeADreamer Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 I've made my asexuality very public on my dating profile(s). If that route isn't good for you, don't take it, but I've had like 2-3 men who's profiles read "straight" on a mainstream dating site come out to me as demisexual or asexual after we matched, usually saying that they chose not to make it public because they've had people be weird to them about it. Unfortunately, the one I was most interested in actually lives in another country But that probably won't be the last time it happens. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit aura Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 2 hours ago, Nellwyn said: Ласкаво просимо до AVEN!! 🍰 Ти точно можеш мати асексуальні стосунки! Я не можу дати багато порад, але бажаю тобі удачі! Не втрачай надію, десь є хтось для тебе!!! Thank you so much for your support! I hope one day I'll meet my person. I have to hope for the best! Good luck to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit aura Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 1 hour ago, BeADreamer said: Я публічно заявив про свою асексуальність у своєму профілі (профілях) знайомств. Якщо цей шлях вам не підходить, не йдіть, але було 2-3 чоловіки, чиї профілі на звичайному сайті знайомств були позначені як "гетеросексуальні", які після нашої пари зізналися мені як демісексуали або асексуали, зазвичай кажучи, що вони вирішили не робити це публічно, бо люди ставилися до них дивно з цього приводу. На жаль, той, хто мене найбільше цікавив, насправді живе в іншій країні. Але це, мабуть, не востаннє трапляється. Thank you so much for the advice! I'm afraid of being judged, but I need to try it. Good luck! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
everywhere and nowhere Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 Доброго вечора! не звернула уваги, що Ти з України. Останнім часом тут зареєструвалася інша користувачка з України, @lesmiserables. А я полька, але вчилася української мови, тому що я дуже кохаю Мову взагалі. Мовну різноманітність. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spirit aura Posted February 5 Author Share Posted February 5 22 hours ago, everywhere and nowhere said: Доброго вечора! не звернула уваги, що Ти з України. Останнім часом тут зареєструвалася інша користувачка з України, @lesmiserables. А я полька, але вчилася української мови, тому що я дуже кохаю Мову взагалі. Мовну різноманітність. Hi! Thank you so much for your reply. I didn't expect to see anyone from Ukraine here. Thank you for learning our language, it's very nice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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