Questions about co-parenting and living together after divorce

[Gecko1]

I know I have seen posts from couples here who decided to divorce based on sexual incompatibility but still live together to raise their kids. We’re looking to do that, at least for a couple of years. Does anyone have any advice? Things you wish you’d known?

 

How did you work out parenting responsibilities while still leaving room for separate social lives? For the allosexual, how did dating work with that arrangement?

[blaigorn]

I'm also interested in this as I navigate this possibility more seriously. I've read a couple of experiences online, and my therapist also gave me some suggestions (after I told her I couldn't even think how that would work). I would say working with a couple's therapist would help you both, finding solutions, communicating and establishing boundaries. If you both still love each other in some way, and specially if you want to do the best parenting possible for your children, I'm sure it will be fine.

Here are some possibilities I learned about:

- Living in the same house together, different rooms

- Establishing boundaries, such as not bringing dates to your shared home

- Having a clear agenda that you both share, and negotiate which days you'll be out and who stays with the kids

 

I think ideally you'd move to different houses but I completely understand settling to share a house together, specially at the beginning of the transition, and specially with small kids. There's also the financial aspects, and chore division, but I think that's something that can be negotiated and settled, you'd essentially be roommates who share kids.

 

Best of luck

[Olallieberry]

My wife and I talked about this before we figured out how to stay together. It didn't come to that, and we didn't get as far as talking about what it would be like for me to date while under the same roof. That part probably wouldn't have worked and we probably wouldn't stay under the same roof for long, for this and no other reason.

 

You can't divorce because of unmet needs and then continue being expected not to get those needs met after the divorce.

[Gecko1]

21 hours ago, blaigorn said:

Here are some possibilities I learned about:

- Living in the same house together, different rooms

- Establishing boundaries, such as not bringing dates to your shared home

- Having a clear agenda that you both share, and negotiate which days you'll be out and who stays with the kids

Thanks! We do have a couple’s therapist and that has been very helpful. Those are good ideas, I will need to add them to my list.
 

We’ve talked more about this and we will probably only end up living together for a year or so. Then he will probably get a small apartment nearby to have his own space and the kids will live with me mostly and he will still come over regularly for family dinners and to spend time with the kids.

 

We plan to continue to jointly own the house as an investment and to keep stability for the kids so he will also help with fixing stuff around the house.

[MrDane]

I think, happy parents, love and stability is what matters most in this equation, for the children. If the children feel it is a good solution, then they will accept a lot that differs from ‘normal’.