Olivier Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 My partner is a compromising asexual who is happy to have sex, but so that it doesn't take too long (for her), when we have sex she prefers to dispense with foreplay (which lessens the feeling of emotional connection for me). She says that the expectation that sex will follow makes it harder to enjoy, although she likes the same types of stroking and cuddling at other times when it's been agreed we won't have sex (which can be frustrating for me). Am I the only person here who has an asexual partner willing to indulge in both foreplay and sex, but not on the same night? :? :) Link to post Share on other sites
jr1 Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 She sounds cool Link to post Share on other sites
John Bayko Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 It certainly sounds like you're a lot better off than a lot of people here. I understand that you can want more without being ungrateful for what you have, but it can sound ungrateful to express it sometimes. (Explicit warning:) Have you asked if she'd have a problem with foreplay leading up to you masturbating in front of her? Sometimes play voyeurism can be a turn on. Or you could tell her fantasies about ending foreplay with sex, while you're in the middle of it - if she knows that session is only going to be talk and no actual sex, it might be okay for her. She may have fantasies too that she just can't act on, but could share with you if she knows you'll just listen. Just wondering how much you've discussed or tried, in finding the limits she's comfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivier Posted December 4, 2007 Author Share Posted December 4, 2007 It's kind of a control issue - if I know I can stop things at any point I'm perfectly relaxed and can actually enjoy it, but if I know sex is expected I feel trapped and panicked. Maybe your girlfriend has some kind of similar effect going on. That's definitely her take on things. But on other days, she's happy to have sex, and so that she feels in control, she usually initiates it. She says she can't explain why she doesn't like to do both things together, other than it would take too long, and we have managed both together by keeping each short, but that's not her preference. It certainly sounds like you're a lot better off than a lot of people here. I understand that you can want more without being ungrateful for what you have, but it can sound ungrateful to express it sometimes. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful :( Just curious about whether anyone had encountered (or solved) a similar issue. As to your other suggestions, we've tried all sorts of stuff over the years, but haven't really found the thing that works for both of us. Maybe that's because it doesn't exist, but I thought I'd fish for suggestions here. Thanks for having some :) She sounds cool She's even better than that :D Link to post Share on other sites
Goonie Posted December 4, 2007 Share Posted December 4, 2007 I know several sexuals who exnay the foreplay or hold it to a minimum and then on other days just want to be held and cuddled but have no sex at all. Sometimes it depends on that time of the month...and women are really complicated creatures. SOme of us take in a lot during the day and want nothing more than to feel secure in someone elses arms... like we don't have to fight a battle that night that someone else will take care of us Link to post Share on other sites
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