Traveler40 Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 A longtime acquaintance that I have not spoken to in a few years sent me a text out of the blue last night. He’s gay and last we spoke was also married. He was convinced his spouse was asexual because that’s what he was being told and posted once here in SPFA but got zero replies and bounced. Fast-forward a few years and the random text erroneously received last night was his grinder profile. 😳🤣 In the catch up, I learned that he was now divorced, had remarried and divorced, and is happier than ever. (I accept what I’m being told.) As it turns out, the asexual spouse was, in fact, rampantly cheating on him behind his back. Personally, I’m annoyed. This is a drive-by to aces and partners of aces. I guess it was easier to claim being ace versus just simply being forthright. He couldn’t claim being straight either I suppose. 🙄 Double ugh - and super annoying. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
everywhere and nowhere Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 But still, more often it's the other way around: one partner being uninterested, reluctant, uncomfortable about sex, and the other partner wondering whether they are cheating, or are gay (or, in a case like this, straight), or the partner takes it personally and assumes that it must be about their own attractiveness, when some people wouldn't like to have sex even with someone they might consider the most beautiful person they have ever seen... At least until recently, asexuality was usually a last resort, something frustrated partners didn't consider because they didn't even realise that such an orientation exists. Actually, it's not even unlikely for the asexual partner not to have realised it either. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olallieberry Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 27 minutes ago, Traveler40 said: the random text erroneously received last night was his grinder profile. 😳🤣 Heh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olallieberry Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 28 minutes ago, Traveler40 said: He was convinced his spouse was asexual because that’s what he was being told 28 minutes ago, Traveler40 said: This is a drive-by to aces and partners of aces Ugh, yeah, that's hella gross. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olallieberry Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 19 minutes ago, everywhere and nowhere said: But still Everything you said is true, but I'm not sure what the intention was. I'm sure I have this gravely wrong, but it almost sounds like "but still, this kind of lying still enhances ace visibility?" I'm sure that can't be right, so Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceebs Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 Somehow that doesn't surprise me that some people do that, unfortunately. I'm sure to some, giving off the illusion of asexuality or even outright deciding to identify as such (stupidly) seems like a softer blow than facing the hard truth of falling out of love, straight-up boredom, cheating, etc., or confessing to being an entirely different orientation (that isn't asexuality). 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
everywhere and nowhere Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 1 hour ago, Olallieberry said: Everything you said is true, but I'm not sure what the intention was. I'm sure I have this gravely wrong, but it almost sounds like "but still, this kind of lying still enhances ace visibility?" I'm sure that can't be right, so I rather mean that at least it's better when people realise that asexuality is a possibility. It's sad that, in that particular case, it may lead the party who has been cheated to doubt asexuality. But in most cases when what happens is pretty much similar, asexuality is almost the last option considered. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olallieberry Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 There was another spouse who posted here recently in a very similar situation. I can't find the post now, and I forget whether the cheater actually claimed to be asexual, but the spouse thought they were. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liara Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 This one : 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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