Rahkhi horror show Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 I have been married for 13 years. I am 46. My husband and I only have unsatisfying sex once or twice a year. He is on antidepressants and doesn't feel sexy, and also I don't desire him, but I love him. I guess I made a mistake in the beginning committing for life because I never did have great sex with him and I never told him. At least half is my fault. I am uncomfortable with my body and sexuality and feel so anxious when attention is paid to me that I don't enjoy it and put a stop to it even though I want it. But he is such a wonderful human I don't want to leave. We have a great life in every way except for sex. He is now mostly asexual. I will not cheat or go outside the marriage as he would be devastated, as he has told me multiple times. Also, I would be just as uncomfortable with anyone else, I think, because I am so embarrassed during sex. I guess I just need a place to mourn that my sex life with other humans is doomed. I can take care of myself but I just really miss someone actually wanting me, and the idea that I could ever have a fulfilling sex life. I feel like an old lady that no one wants. I know if I want a change, I have to talk with him and be brave and express that I need more. I am too afraid to do this. I have chosen to martyr myself I guess because I want our family to survive. I just get very sad sometimes and don't know where to put it. I wish I weren't so uptight but feel incapable of being different. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mjb3000 Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 I’m sorry you’re feeling this. That desire to feel wanted is a really hard one to navogate. I know it well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liara Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 You are not alone feeling like that. Your need is totally valid. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uhtred Posted June 2 Share Posted June 2 A few things to think about - just for your self, no need to post here if you don't want. Do you not desire anyone, or are there some people you desire, just not your husband? Do you think the antidepressants are the cause of his not desiring sex? if so there might be different meds that wouldn't have that side effect - but would that be better or worse? Is the unsatisfying sex just that you never enjoy sex, or is it that he doesn't pay attention to your needs during sex? If the latter, is it because he doesn't care, or because he doesn't know how? If you could magically have the sexual relationship you wanted what would that be? Are you sure there is no path to that with your husband if you haven't talked to him about it? If he is asexual then he is unlikely to change, but if its meds decreasing his sex drive that might be different. But if he had a sex drive, would that be what you want? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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