Confusionreigns Posted May 6, 2025 Share Posted May 6, 2025 My asexual partner of many years has long told me that I could have sex with another woman if things "work out". She does admit that things "working out" is hard to manage. I have seen ads for escorts who are into couples and wonder if there are any views out there about using an escort service to help out the sexual half of an asexual/sexual match? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uhtred Posted May 6, 2025 Share Posted May 6, 2025 I think it depends on what part of sex is important to you. If it is the physical experience, then hiring a sex worker may be a reasonable option - assuming your budget can support it. If what you want is to be desired, or any sort of romantic connection, then a sex worker won't give you that. No judging, just people like different things. The ethics of sex work is a complicated topic. My vote would be for a separate thread to discuss that, but I'm not an admin or anything, I'm just suggesting 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah-Sylvia Posted May 6, 2025 Share Posted May 6, 2025 There are pro sex-work stances too, but anyway I think it's really about how much you 'just' want that experience and nothing more or not. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olallieberry Posted May 6, 2025 Share Posted May 6, 2025 4 hours ago, Confusionreigns said: My asexual partner of many years has long told me that I could have sex with another woman if things "work out". She does admit that things "working out" is hard to manage. I have seen ads for escorts who are into couples and wonder if there are any views out there about using an escort service to help out the sexual half of an asexual/sexual match? Leaving the rest of it (ethical/commercial matters) aside, why do ones whose ads mention "into couples" get your attention? Is your partner going to be part of this? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olallieberry Posted May 6, 2025 Share Posted May 6, 2025 Can you say more what you mean by "good idea?" Compared to what? What other solutions have you considered? What are your particular concerns? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olallieberry Posted May 6, 2025 Share Posted May 6, 2025 (edited) 12 hours ago, Confusionreigns said: My asexual partner of many years has long told me that I could have sex with another woman if things "work out". She does admit that things "working out" is hard to manage. I have questions about this, too. You didn't say, but it sounds to me like this is a recent statement from your partner? EDIT: Nevermind, I didn't see the word "long" in there. I would just recommend to go slow and (if you haven't already) research ENM and what it means to your particular relationship and do some work to prepare the soil, before pulling the trigger. What does the whole "if things work out" part mean? Does that mean try ENM and see? Or does it mean, if you don't break up then it could be an option in the future? Like - are you and your partner presently in a crisis? Edited May 6, 2025 by Olallieberry Re-read original post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fizzbuzz Posted May 6, 2025 Share Posted May 6, 2025 8 hours ago, Confusionreigns said: My asexual partner of many years has long told me that I could have sex with another woman if things "work out". She does admit that things "working out" is hard to manage. I have seen ads for escorts who are into couples and wonder if there are any views out there about using an escort service to help out the sexual half of an asexual/sexual match? That's really going to depend on how you and your partner feel about this. I'm not familiar with sex work and what it entails besides the superficial of how it used to be presented. Like others wrote above, sex work/escort services was (is?) exploitative and in many places unregulated so escorts have little to no legal protections. In some places, it's also criminalized, so not only do they not have protections but they're also vilified (?). It preyed on people's vulnerabilities in various ways. There might be less coercive/exploitative ways nowadays to go about escort services but you're going to have to look into its details to see if you and your partner are good with taking that on, and whether the people providing their services on them are doing that out of their free will. That said, if you're in an ENM, you could also try looking for people interested in or are ok with an ENM. It's been a while since I've been dating, but I do remember quite a few dating profiles on online dating apps explicitly stating that they're looking for or are already in ENMs, so the pool is there if you wanted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iff Posted May 6, 2025 Share Posted May 6, 2025 6 hours ago, uhtred said: The ethics of sex work is a complicated topic. My vote would be for a separate thread to discuss that, but I'm not an admin or anything, I'm just suggesting That would probably be best, it would be more a PPS or Hot Box topic too So Let's not go off topic on the ethical implications of hiring escorts. This would be more Hot Box or PPS topic iff, Moderator, sexual partners, friends, and allies 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GusJustGus Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 Hi @Confusionreigns from the pov of someone who did that and not in an ethical manner... That will give you sexual and physical relief without emotional attachment. If that is ok for you, go ahead. Depends on what you are looking for. Also, find the right woman for that, there might be few truly independent escorts but it's worth taking the time to find them. I found everything... The one that says "here I am, do it and leave" and some amazing women which is a pleasure to talk to and might even stay "off clock" a few more minutes if the vibe is good (rare case, never ask for it, if it happens be grateful, economically but also verbally or with a nice gesture). Obviously in both cases there is zero attachment, but you'll feel much more comfortable with a woman like that. Check dedicated forums for experiences, do some research, and don't be afraid to talk to her every single detail before the encounter. If she is independent, she will have no problem with it. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iff Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 A reminder everyone On 5/6/2025 at 9:46 PM, iff said: That would probably be best, it would be more a PPS or Hot Box topic too So Let's not go off topic on the ethical implications of hiring escorts. This would be more Hot Box or PPS topic iff, Moderator, sexual partners, friends, and allies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnlyAverage Posted March 2 Share Posted March 2 Before exploring that route, it might be worth sitting with a deeper question: what is it you're actually missing? Is it the physical act of sex itself, the release and sensation? Or is it the intimate connection that comes from being sexually desired by someone you love? If it's the physical act, an escort might genuinely help. That's a service, no different than any other physical need being met. If it's the connection, and for most people in long-term relationships it usually is, an escort probably won't touch that ache. That longing for your partner to want you in that way isn't something a third party can stand in for. Pursuing it externally might actually widen the gap rather than close it. It's also worth considering how your partner truly feels about the arrangement she's offered. "You can, if things work out" with the caveat that working out is hard to manage sounds like someone giving permission she's not entirely comfortable with. That deserves a real conversation. No judgment here. It's a genuinely difficult situation with no clean answer. But getting clear on what you're actually hungry for will point you in a better direction. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iff Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 Please note, posts from this thread has been split into their own thread as below https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/281426-ethics-sex-workers-split-from-spfa/ iff, moderator, sexual partners, friends & allies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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