Took me awhile, but I finally figured it out.

[Bookwyrm04]

Hi everyone, I am a 38 year old female from Michigan, USA that took a while to figure out my sexuality.  It was tough, because, I actually really liked the IDEA of sex and I’m curious and adventurous so I was all about trying new experiences, but in the end even if I managed to get a little itty bit of pleasure from it… I just don’t like it… it’s awkward and messy and I typically ended up doing it more to make my partner happy than doing it because it was something I wanted for myself.  This eventually became a major sticking point in a marriage of over a decade that ultimately lead to divorce.  

[Seraphyn]

I’m working on my introduction myself, but we have similar stories! I finally admitted to myself and then my (soon to be ex) husband and our relationship ended immediately. I too have been a curious and adventurous person in my past, looking for something that just wasn’t there.

[daveb]

@Bookwyrm04 and @Seraphyn

Welcome and  !

[Darn Dane]

Hi there @Bookwyrm04 and @Seraphyn

First of all, welcome aboard at a place where people will understand your situation.

Second, you're by no means alone -- just look at how two of you with similar experiences just "landed" in the same "Hello, I'm new here" thread! And lots of people in here have been through much the same: "I'm 'supposed' to like this, but why doesn't it work for me?"

Sometimes it's good to just talk about the stuff in life that bugs you, and hopefully you'll learn a bit more about yourselves and your sexuality. And as sad breakups/divorces are in and off themselves, you'll be "armed" with knowledge that'll help you navigate life from here on.

All the best, including 🍰, to both of you! 🙂

[LeChat]

@Bookwyrm04 Hi. Welcome! 

Thank you, for sharing your experiences.

 

[a pic of a Black Forest Cake: white frosting with chocolate pieces around the outside and on top and topped with dollops of white cream along the edge, each with a cherry.]

 

 

 If needed, here are some links that might be helpful, explaining the site: the Welcome Lounge forum's rules, The Welcome Lounge Manual (which includes information about each forum), AVEN's "Frequently Asked Questions" (FAQ), and the Site Comments FAQ.

 

If you have any questions about how to use the site, its features, etc., you're welcome to contact me or another Admod for help.

[Eutierria]

Welcome @Bookwyrm04 & @Seraphyn 🍰

 

You're very much not alone here - you will see once you've had the opportunity to read through some posts. Hope you find some comfort in shared experiences. 

 

I was around 32 when I left a 10yrs+ relationship with an allo - we were each other's first girlfriend/boyfriend & just assumed maybe that part would kick in for me once we were married (Though not religious, that reason made sense to me at the time - I hadn't discovered asexuality as a term). 

 

He managed to find someone to share that side of himself with without me knowing - I suspect what I do know is only the tip of the iceberg & it took many years for me to realise that. To this day, I am grateful that we never married & were never engaged (though in my head, that's how I'd thought of him at the time). 

 

For those who've been in long-term relationships, breakups are rarely due to one thing. As someone who has been single for almost 7 years now, I am a lot happier & pour my love & care into friendships.

 

I've consciously come away from the amatonormativity model where romantic relationships are seen as of higher value than platonic friendships & it has allowed me to develop many strong friendships. 

 

Your journey ahead might not be easy but it will hopefully be a lot more enjoyable as you figure out life on your terms. 

 

Welcome to AVEN 💜

 

 

[Dulcetberg]

Welcome @Bookwyrm04! I’m new here too and am just figuring this whole asexual thing out too. I too recently discovered I was only going through the motions in order to satisfy my partner. It’s a frustrating thing to come to realize.

[Simply Canadian]

Welcome to AVEN! So happy you're here!

[calibri]

Happy you're here, welcome 🍰! It also took me a long time to figure out Im ace too so I know the feeling.