Allo but experiencing confusing shift in sexuality

[axolotlspark]

Hai y'all I haven't really posted on this forum a lot but this did seem like an appropriate category to put my post into. I've recently been experiencing a bit of a weird shift in how I feel about sex and kissing, and I want to share it because I'm curious whether anyone has had experience with this sort of thing ? :3 

I'm in my early twenties, have identified as allosexual for quite a while now (because I do experience sexual attraction, I still do.). I also experience quite a high libido and I have for a few years. Recently though, I've started to lose interest both in fantasizing about and partaking in most sex acts whereas I did use to have an interest in them. It started with kissing/making out. I used to be interested both in thinking about it and on acting on that desire, but recently while I was kissing someone I felt a bit disgusted and had to stop. I thought it was a temporary thing, but it's only gotten more prevalent. I've even tried kissing again later on because I did actually get the curiosity and desire to kiss someone back but then I did it and it disgusted me again so I had to stop again.

With sex it's kind of the same story. I used to enjoy fantasizing abt sex and acting on those urges too but lately that changed a bit as well. Whenever I'm with someone and we are about to have sex I do feel turned on and sometimes it's great but sometimes I feel kind of weird during or after? Like I didn't enjoy it as much as I expected, or that something about it suddenly makes me feel gross, like I feel too warm and sweaty and dirty after. Also with sex there are certain things that repulse me, such as cunnilingus or the other person making certain noises with their mouth or whatever.  The adrenaline i feel when a sexual encounter is about to happen is very exciting but the actual sex can be underwhelming to me and i literally don't know why. It's also never been easy for me to orgasm when I'm having sex with a partner, even if it's on call. I don;t have this problem when I'm alone though.

I do still fantasize and masturbate to thoughts of sex, but I can barely watch or read porn or anything because there is a guarantee that there will be something in it that will make me feel repulsed like kissing. I just kind of imagine scenarios in my own head, and I usually do it with fictional characters too because it feels more comfortable and fun to me than imagining it with like a person i'm attracted to irl. I also have started relying mostly on my kinks to get off because I've realized i am more interested in those than in just sex, and I usually don't experience that same repulsion with them.

So my main point is, has anyone ever experienced this shift in sexual desire before? And if so what do you think your reasons for it were? If anyone has some advice or tips for me thatd be great too, my main issue is im just super overthinking this and worried its something wrong with me. Possible causes I can personally think of for some of the issues is the gender dysphoria im currently experiencing and misophonia (im sensitive to mouth noises among other things) but I'm not sure if thats fully it. Id love to hear anyone's thoughts on this  Thank you in advance.

 

[SilenceRadio]

Hey @axolotlspark! Welcome to AVEN!

 

How would you describe what sexual attraction is like for you?

 

I don't think I've ever desired sex—maybe I did or maybe I was merely "open" to it rather than genuinely wanting it—and I've never had it, but my interest in sex as a concept has lessened over the years, so I can relate a little to what you're talking about. In fact, I remember having had a previous period of disinterest in sexual stuff, which ended when I began questioning my gender. Nowadays I feel like I can attribute my past interest to how validating it felt gender-wise, both socially ("see? I'm caring about what cis guys my age are caring about, I'm just like them!") and... biologically, I guess? I never thought deeper about the subject because I just assumed that having sex to validate your gender was a common motivation among non-aces, but with the way some sexual people on AVEN emphasize emotional connection I'm starting to wonder if my assumption had any truth to it.

 

I think the idea that not identifying with your assigned gender necessarily meant you experienced gender dysphoria, even if you couldn't notice it yourself, and the idea that some dysphoric people realize they're not ace and that it was their dysphoria, made it hard to consider that I could be ace. So I'd just keep trying to make things "click" as if I were some potentially "repressed" person. But that didn't really lead anywhere.

 

1 hour ago, axolotlspark said:

misophonia (im sensitive to mouth noises among other things)

Oh, I didn't know that was a thing! Somehow I've become more sensitive to those kind of sounds, for seemingly no reason. I'm not particularly distressed by them but I just can't tolerate them.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

@axolotlspark I did experience a shift as well, though maybe not into the 'repulsed' feelings but I thought I was sexual and then had turbulence and now I use the graysexual label.

 

And, anyone can have libido though, so self pleasure to manage that doesn't rely on being sexual.

[uhtred]

There are lots of things that can cause a change,  ranging from being comfortable with not wanting sex, to a change in partners, to medical or medication changes.