I have started finding genitalia gross again

[reeva seph]

I'm a 21 sapphic girl who before finding out thought was asexual bc I used to find genitalia gross, but after I started dating my gf and we had sex for the first time I kinda overcome that feeling and I even went down on her a few times, however recently that uncomfortable feeling has resurfaced and I don't why it happened. Yesterday I tried to be intimate with my gf but when I looked at her vagina I felt so uneasy. 

[SkyWorld]

I really think it comes down to culture and socialization. In some cultures, an AFAB with their breast exposed isn't considered taboo and is actually common. I used to feel the same way until I took a figure drawing class and getting more used to the human body. It's a natural part of someone. Even the term "bumping uglies" can be seen as harsh, or at least the undertones. 

 

It is usually a preference though, and that's okay. Like for me and drawing people, maybe it can take you some getting used to. 

[everywhere and nowhere]

I don't think that it can be reduced to culture and socialisation. Probably most people, including allosexuals, would agree that intimate parts look "weird", "funny" in a negative-ish way, maybe even "gross". To me it can be interpreted in line with the general recognition that sex inherently has at least a disgusting aspect, and only love and desire allow these feelings to subside. In asexuals this factor is absent because we don't experience sexual desire, so the only factor which can make an asexual comfortable with sex is the sociocultural belief that "sex is normal and beautiful". Because of this, I think that it's quite natural for asexuals to think of the act of sex and the associated body parts as something gross. At the very least, I think that such feelings shouldn't be shamed - I have had people accuse me of Hatred Of Life And Wishing That Everything Died for expressing the simple belief that in my opinion, intimate body parts are ugly - you'll probably agree that it's an extreme overintepretation, extreme knee-jerk reaction seeking to shame everything which smells of sex negativity. People must be allowed to dislike sex, to reject the idea that sex is beautiful, without being afraid to offend the feelings of sex-enthusiasts.

@reeva seph - I can't tell you where do your feelings originate from, this is something where no extrenal view can replace introspection. But at least we can give you some suggestions. For example: why have you decided that you aren't asexual? Do you desire sex, do you feel that without it, something would be missing from your relationship, do you find it a natural expression of love? If you don't, if what you feel is rather an internalised belief that "sex is normal and beautiful", perhaps you are asexual after all.

[Self-Titled]

Totally relatable. It can come and go in waves. Aversion to genitalia grew for me over time. I'm also a fine artist. I have no trouble drawing naked people, but I think as soon as my brain stream brings up a tiny thought about sex, the aversion creeps in. You're totally not alone. I'd recommend just being completely transparent with your partner. Let them know what you're going through and work together finding a solution. My partner and I often talk about how gross the body is and laugh about it (no self-deprecating! Purely objective scientific humor!). That helps to ease the tension a lot. And it connects us.

[SkyWorld]

3 hours ago, Self-Titled said:

Totally relatable. It can come and go in waves. Aversion to genitalia grew for me over time. I'm also a fine artist. I have no trouble drawing naked people, but I think as soon as my brain stream brings up a tiny thought about sex, the aversion creeps in.

Yeah, it definitely changes the context in how the human body is used. I don’t see the human body initially as sexual, but not everyone feels that way and that’s fine. Though, I’ll admit, in a sexual context, I haven’t exactly given it that much thought. 😂

 

7 hours ago, everywhere and nowhere said:

I don't think that it can be reduced to culture and socialisation. Probably most people, including allosexuals, would agree that intimate parts look "weird", "funny" in a negative-ish way, maybe even "gross". To me it can be interpreted in line with the general recognition that sex inherently has at least a disgusting aspect, and only love and desire allow these feelings to subside. In asexuals this factor is absent because we don't experience sexual desire, so the only factor which can make an asexual comfortable with sex is the sociocultural belief that "sex is normal and beautiful". Because of this, I think that it's quite natural for asexuals to think of the act of sex and the associated body parts as something gross. At the very least, I think that such feelings shouldn't be shamed - I have had people accuse me of Hatred Of Life And Wishing That Everything Died for expressing the simple belief that in my opinion, intimate body parts are ugly - you'll probably agree that it's an extreme overintepretation, extreme knee-jerk reaction seeking to shame everything which smells of sex negativity. People must be allowed to dislike sex, to reject the idea that sex is beautiful, without being afraid to offend the feelings of sex-enthusiasts.

 

I wasn’t implying that this is exclusive to ace-spec people. People do have preferences and that’s fine, including people who are homosexual or heterosexual. There are societal “norms” that impact people, often in ways that are harmful. For ace people, that’s often an expectation of them to conform to a sexual society and homosexual and bi+ people to conform to heterosexuality. 
 

Sex is normal, yes. But so is not wanting or liking sex. It’s not mutually exclusive, especially to ace people. Similar to how someone may not like sex with the opposite sex or same sex.

 

Though, I will admit that I was talking more about the human body in general and not really thinking much about it in a sexual context. 😅 That’s a… dense oversight.

 

My point is, OP, there’s (at least) two possibilities. One, it’s just not something you like, case closed, that’s okay. Two, maybe with more “exposure”, you might feel differently, and that’s also okay.

 

Edit: And when I mean “exposure”, I don’t necessarily mean sexual. Please don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I’m saying, I’ve heard of people doing “body tours” on what someone likes and doesn’t like. Or even just doing more casual, non-sexual things when it comes to their body. If you’re comfortable with trying new things, even sexually and your partner is fine with that, great. 

[reeva seph]

8 hours ago, everywhere and nowhere said:

I don't think that it can be reduced to culture and socialisation. Probably most people, including allosexuals, would agree that intimate parts look "weird", "funny" in a negative-ish way, maybe even "gross". To me it can be interpreted in line with the general recognition that sex inherently has at least a disgusting aspect, and only love and desire allow these feelings to subside. In asexuals this factor is absent because we don't experience sexual desire, so the only factor which can make an asexual comfortable with sex is the sociocultural belief that "sex is normal and beautiful". Because of this, I think that it's quite natural for asexuals to think of the act of sex and the associated body parts as something gross. At the very least, I think that such feelings shouldn't be shamed - I have had people accuse me of Hatred Of Life And Wishing That Everything Died for expressing the simple belief that in my opinion, intimate body parts are ugly - you'll probably agree that it's an extreme overintepretation, extreme knee-jerk reaction seeking to shame everything which smells of sex negativity. People must be allowed to dislike sex, to reject the idea that sex is beautiful, without being afraid to offend the feelings of sex-enthusiasts.

@reeva seph - I can't tell you where do your feelings originate from, this is something where no extrenal view can replace introspection. But at least we can give you some suggestions. For example: why have you decided that you aren't asexual? Do you desire sex, do you feel that without it, something would be missing from your relationship, do you find it a natural expression of love? If you don't, if what you feel is rather an internalised belief that "sex is normal and beautiful", perhaps you are asexual after all.

Regarding your last questions I've considered that maybe I'm in some gray area in the asexual spectrum, because I have enjoyed sex with my gf in past occasions and I see it as a way to express my love for her aswell, specially when it feels so intense (emotionally wise) and honestly I think I would miss some of it if we stopped having it definitely.

[Windmills of My Mind]

On 3/29/2025 at 9:27 AM, everywhere and nowhere said:

Probably most people, including allosexuals, would agree that intimate parts look "weird", "funny" in a negative-ish way, maybe even "gross". To me it can be interpreted in line with the general recognition that sex inherently has at least a disgusting aspect, and only love and desire allow these feelings to subside.

I cannot speak for others but it does not work like that for me. Intimate parts, regardless of gender, don't look weird, funny or gross to me. It is not some veil which only gets lifted under the condition of love and/or desire. The body parts generally referred to as intimate parts have no negative connotations for me.

[Liara]

Same for me. No problem with these body parts.

[calibri]

I mean I never paid attention to my own private parts (cis woman) until I noticed discomfort one day. And seeing it up close with a mirror focusing on it for the first time did make me feel repulsion for a while. After time that went away but yea on the surface to me they arent pleasing to look at. I mostly got over it bc sexual health is important for me to be aware of so I gotta look at my own. And now sure I can see male genitals like in a MA rated show or explicit drawings and not feel repulsed but I was and am not nor ever will be happy to see it. Its tolerable for me and Ill probably sigh in exasperation. But I dont blame you for being uneasy, lowkey to me it is a little gross.