Mutating orientation?

[JamieBarrie]

One thing that a lot of posters on this site seem to assume is that one’s sexual orientation is permanent. Some even say that it is determined forever in the womb. My experience is that it has changed over the course of my life, and I’m asexual now though not before.   Have others had the same experience?

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

@JamieBarrie It's fluid for some people. It doesn't get talked about as much because for most it doesn't, or not much.

Mine has changed through my life in several ways, and I still think that graysexual is the best label for me and that it likely won't change again. If it does then that's fine, but things seem to have settled.

[heutgel8]

@JamieBarrie"One thing that a lot of posters on this site seem to assume is that one’s sexual orientation is permanent. Some even say that it is determined forever in the womb. "

Thank goodness, nothing is permanent or steady.  There is always a possibility for development. That is my opinion.  About my personal experience I can state, that there always was a tendency of asexuality and it appeared  more or less stronger during my life. But it would have been easier more early, if I knew of the existence a community, where I felt being understood.

[everywhere and nowhere]

7 hours ago, JamieBarrie said:

One thing that a lot of posters on this site seem to assume is that one’s sexual orientation is permanent. Some even say that it is determined forever in the womb.

People rather assume that because this is a typical angle of attack from homophobes, asexophobes etc.: that if sexual orientation isn't permanent, then perhaps people should change it to a more socially "acceptable" / "useful" variant. Of course, it absolutely necessarily assumes that queer orientations don't have their inherent value - something I vehemently disagree with, so (although not exclusively for this reason) I also reject this whole line of reasoning. Gays, lesbians, bi/pan, asexual people are fine as they are and don't need to change anything about their orientation even if it could be changed.

Heck, it happens that mine probably could hypothetically be changed, because I'm most likely not a "born this way asexual", I became asexual because of my chronic illness (allergy) and resulting nudity aversion. And what does it change? Nothing, because I would anyway never agree to "fix" my orientation. Such "therapy" would be torture to me, and I anyway prefer being asexual and would never want to be anything else. So at least I personally really don't mind people who say that their orientation was not inborn. It would be hypocritical to have anything against them, when I anyway believe that the supposed inborn character of sexual orientation is not the reason why it should be accepted, and that actually rhetorics of inborn orientation always has at least a distinct anti-emancipatory potential.

[jont]

1 hour ago, everywhere and nowhere said:

Gays, lesbians, bi/pan, asexual people are fine as they are and don't need to change anything about their orientation even if it could be changed.

The idea that sexual orientation or identity is inborn and unchangeable is an easy strong defence against social pressures to just "be normal". It has been useful, but perhaps it's not really true, causing us confusion. I'm skeptical that we can consciously change our orientation/identity, but I believe @JamieBarrie that it could change on its own. Either way, my orientation/identity is part of me and other people don't get to tell me how to be.

 

Instead of "I was born this way", perhaps it is better to say, "This is how i am today."

[Ellie6]

From what I've seen, sexuality is fluid and changing for some, but not all. I identified as bisexual for many years, but that label didn't fit right for me due to my fluctuations in attraction. How I am today is different than how I was five years ago and today I feel totally asexual.  

[daveb]

I can only speak for myself, and won't presume to speak for anyone else. For me, I can confidently say that I am now ace and have always been ace, and I have lived for a while now. I agree that people's orientation is their own business, and no one should be saying or implying that some people should change their orientation. Also, if some people's orientation does change, that's also their business, and also doesn't mean that people can just choose to change and therefore that they should change.

[Sally]

I can also say I have always been ace.  I realized that something was different when I became a teenager and did not recognize in myself the feelings that seemed to be happening to my age mates in middle school and high school.  That's never changed, either during a marriage to a sexual or a very long partnership with a sexual whom I loved and felt romantic toward.  I don't think it's any more helpful to say that sexuality always changes than it is to say that it never changes.  

[calibri]

I really appreciate what @jont said - "This is how i am today" because I, I'll speak for myself, can only testify for what lead me up to this moment and who I am at present. I have no idea if I in the future will fluctuate/ change orientations. After years of thinking about it I do believe what I have now is steady and I've accepted both of them as I don't feel a disconnection with either label. Hell I've noticed it more prominently now more than I did in my past. But my experiences are the reason I am who I am in this point in time, it lead me to asexuality and biromanticism. On the other side, I do want to be open to fluidity and change simply because I don't wanna have another "got hit by a bullet train" level realization about myself, for better or for worse. It was strenuously challenging enough the first time thank you. Going with the flow to a degree would benefit my mental wellbeing. With that being said, I do like having the case closed so if my current orientation stays exactly as it is till the end of my life I'll be very content with it. (Please...no more confusion future me 😅).