want to help Posted March 4, 2025 Share Posted March 4, 2025 I am wondering if my husband is asexual. We got married and we had sex but it freaked him out and he never wanted to try again and since we have not been able to connect through touch, emotionally, spiritually or intellectually. I have been waiting and not pushing but its been a year and a half. I dont know if he was abused as a child and that is the problem or if he is asexual. But it appears most asexuals can connect on other levels to other human beings, right? He seems more afraid of women and their bodies as a whole. Can seem to even think of touching or looking at me. This seems more than just asexual, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pack rat Posted March 4, 2025 Share Posted March 4, 2025 The only person who can truly answer that is your husband. Have you tried bringing it up in conversation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 4, 2025 Share Posted March 4, 2025 1 hour ago, want to help said: But it appears most asexuals can connect on other levels to other human beings, right? He seems more afraid of women and their bodies as a whole. Can seem to even think of touching or looking at me. This seems more than just asexual, right? Some asexual people are quite genuinely repulsed by sex or nudity, and some don't like to be touched at all. I can't say whether that's the case for your husband or not--only he can. You need to talk to him, or maybe work through this in counseling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah-Sylvia Posted March 4, 2025 Share Posted March 4, 2025 Does he feel romantically? Are there other ways of having intimacy that could work? If he knew sex was off the table i mean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olallieberry Posted March 4, 2025 Share Posted March 4, 2025 What happens when you try to talk about it with him? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uhtred Posted March 4, 2025 Share Posted March 4, 2025 I agree with the above, its important to try to talk to him and understand what he is feeling, what he wants. Then you can decide on the appropriate next steps. If he is unable to talk about it, it may make sense for him to seek therapy - NOT to change his (a) sexuality, but to help him be comfortable discussing it with you. Whether he is "ace" is less important than whether you are happy together. Sexual compatibility is an important part of happiness for most couples, so its important to understand where you are on that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 4, 2025 Share Posted March 4, 2025 @want to help It's a very upsetting situation for you both. There are so many different types of sexuality that it's difficult to work out even in ones own mind feelings related to touch and sex. Your husbands reaction could mean any number of things so trying to speak about it is the only option really. I could write lists of what it could all mean as I'm sure other folks on here could too but the only way to move forward with this is with clear communication. If your husband is unable to chat about it if it makes him uncomfortable or is unable to understand his feelings about it then you could visit a therapist yourself to process how it all made you feel. My understanding of asexuality at the moment is that is can be very upsetting to try to discuss sexual things if a person feels discomfort about the whole subject. It isn't always a result of abuse but can be too. It's commendable that you have given him space when you will be having your own feelings to work through too. To move forward though, there needs to be some sort of discussion about the experience to know where you both lie in terms of moving forward with both of your needs being taken into account. I wish you both the best as I know how confronting these types of situations are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
want to help Posted March 4, 2025 Author Share Posted March 4, 2025 Thank you all for your encouragement. I have tried to bring up the sex conversation before but he gets mad at just the topic. I guess I need to keep trying to find a safe way to talk about it. He is not romantic and says he loves me. What pushed me a little over the edge is I saw him taking care of a sick friend and had no problem with touching them and caring for them so it started me thinking that it is just me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liara Posted March 4, 2025 Share Posted March 4, 2025 Maybe he doesn’t want touch from you because he is afraid it could lead towards sex. If you explain him you don’t want that from touch it could help him. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olallieberry Posted March 4, 2025 Share Posted March 4, 2025 On 3/4/2025 at 9:10 AM, want to help said: he gets mad at just the topic. I guess I need to keep trying to find a safe way to talk about it What if it’s not safe? What does safe mean to you? What does it mean to him? What if you don’t find a safe way? I mean, I really hope the two of you do find a safe way to talk about it. But you both have to want to. If it were me, the communication problem would be a bigger deal than the sex problem. I might even come right out and say that the fact that this conversation feels unsafe is a red flag in the relationship, and ask what the partner needs, and express what I need, in order to mutually be okay with discussing it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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