New Here Looking For Input

[mike868]

Hey everyone a little about myself and my partner don't mind my grammar I was never good with English class😅

 

So ide like to begin that i do love my partner she is perfect in everyway imaginable but I beleive she may be asuxual and I'm and extremely sexual.

 

We have been together for 9 years at the start we would have sex a 3-4 times a week which i was happy with. After a year it slowly getting less and less to now we only have sex when trying for a child so once or twice a month. It's difficult to get her aroused no matter what I do. I've mentioned our sexlife multiple times to her and she comes back with the answer of im just stressed or it's uncomfortable. So we resorted to oral and physical touch but it seams she is just not into it at all and it almost seams or feels like she's forcing herself to do it so it's not really enjoyable for me. Every once and a while she seams to enjoy it and when I mean every once and a while it may be 1-2 times per year.

I'm starting to get to the point of frustration and confusion to the point where I feel trapped because we are very compatible with everything else we do 9/10 for that.

Does anyone have recommendations on how i can make the best out of this situation? How do i confront my parter about her possibly being asuxal? I rarely come to places like this for advice but I'm desperately trying to keep this relationship stable 

 

[Vorps]

Hello and welcome!

 

Your story is familiar here and you're not alone!

 

I'm sure others will chime in in time, but I figured I'd add my two-cents as well.

 

2 hours ago, mike868 said:

How do i confront my parter about her possibly being asuxal?

Personally, I'd not go into it thinking of 'confronting' to start.

 

Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. It doesn't *really* matter in my opinion. What you know for sure is that, she finds sex uncomfortable, and is not distressed by the current sexual status quo. (Presuming you've talked about her feelings about where things stand between you sexually).

 

And really thats where to start. How does she feel about sex in general? Does she desire it? Crave it? Tolerate it? Dislike it? What about you? How does sex make you each feel, individually? How does the lack of it make you feel, individually?

 

The label of asexual or sexual can be a useful guide, but in my opinion the labels cease their usefulness pretty quickly as you start to need to know a persons individual experience. They can help a person go 'does this element of sexuality fit me? Does this part of asexuality fit me?' As such, presenting someone with a label outright isnt helpful.

 

If you have a talk and you find the things she's describing match what you learn here about asexuality, then sure, it can be informative. Many people have never heard the term as it applies to a persons sexuality, but leading with the lable can be counter-productive.

 

Nothing is wrong with you for needing sex to be fulfilled in your relationship. Nothing is wrong with her if she doesnt need it. It's just a possible difference between you.

 

Good luck!