Childfree / childless asexuals

[Archer12]

On 12/2/2024 at 11:53 AM, Meowbah said:

yes, pretty much everyone here is.. it's called ASEXUALITY.. how do u think kids form lmao

Plenty of Asexual people still have sex to have children. We just don’t experience any intrinsic desire for sex.

[Archer12]

On 12/4/2024 at 6:02 AM, Lord Jade Cross said:

While I agree that asexuals can have trauma disorders, it can often feel like people take that route and twist it into a form of claiming that asexuality doesnt exist and that its all just trauma issues, that if somehow got resolved, it would lead a person to not being asexual

 

Part of the evidence I spoke of comes from my years of trying therapy. While sex was not discussed, relationships did come up in conversation and the response I got, from different therapists, when I would tell them that I did not like to be around others and that it made me feel highly uncomfortable, especially since I have a history of being bullied was always that I had to be around people so I might as well just do it because eventually that sense of uncomfortableness would just go away, or more specifically "its just normal to want to be around others" in directly telling me that I was abnormal for not wanting to do it, which was the same line used when I would be called a monster; because only monsters didnt like people

 

As for free will choice for those who are parents and hate it, I have to disagree with the idea that they didnt have a choice in the manner; you always have one. That you choose to bend your knee to social pressure is a different thing.

 

Unless everyone who is a parent, and hates it, tells me something outrageous such as a gun was pointed at their heads and they were told that either they got married or they would get their brains blown out or something terrible would happen to their own families, I could understand.

 

The closest thing to that was the popularly coined term "shotgun weddings" and I doubt that, that was enforced universally, which was something that was done when a child was already underway in the mix. And even then, you had the choice of not having sex to prevent the pregnancy that would have gotten you in the situation in the first place

 

It seemed that alot of the rules parents made and the warnings would go out the window the second their child actually followed it. And I say that with full confidence, because it happened to me.

 

My parents made sure they presented sex in the most absolute horrible way for years, in addition to all the negative ways sex, was already presented in general.  However, the second I told them "Im not interested in sex" when they thought it was time to have "the talk" all of the sudden they were pissed scared about my reaction.

 

I still recall my fathers complete shock and disbelief when I told with, without stuttering, without reservation, that sex was not important to me and I didnt care to hear about it.

 

That was the first of many years that they spent trying to push me to have sex and relationships, throwing any and all "reasons" from "its normal" to "who will care for you when youre older if you never get with anyone?" to outright angry remarks about how "I need a grandchild. What are you waiting for to give me one!?"

 

So social pressure is not an excuse to justify having sex or having kids and then hating the fact you did.

 

I knew a schoolmate who got pregnant at 17. Her mother told her, point blank, "you fucked up, you have to take responsibility now" and she did not help her daughter one bit with the raising of the kid. The mother said she had to learn the ramifications of her actions. And she did.

 

That girl had to bust her ass working and half the time, she hated it. She would never say it out loud, but she wanted nothing more than to go party with her friends, find a boyfriend, etc. But her kid was already there. There was no going back from that

 

You are responsible for the choices you make. If that lesson, especially coming from parents is always wanted to be applied one way, I think we can say that alot of parents are just full of shit. They made the choice when they decided to strip and have sex.

 

Dont anyone tell me "I was pressured" because I have been pressured to no end for years all around. Almost reaching 40 and still I get shit from my parents for my lack of relationship and kids, just as Ive gotten shit from people wanting to even set me up on blind dates, pushing me to meet someone, publicly humiliating me for my disinterest, etc

 

But amidst all that, Im still standing here. Asexual or not, trauma filled or not, I have made my decisions clear and have stood by them.

 

No relationships, no sex, no kids. And if that makes me the horrible monster Ive been called so much, then so be it. I rather be a monster than another one of the "pressured" as I have nothing to lose

This. 
 

There was no mental illness, no trauma, no sexual abuse, etc that contributed to being a sex averse Ace. I just am.

 
The idea of sex with someone always made me uncomfortable. When those feelings persisted into adulthood, Asexuality made sense.

 

When I explained to my therapist that I didn’t feel sexual attraction to my first boyfriend all she said was “well maybe you weren’t attracted to that particular person.”

 

When you hardly notice anyone who catches your attention at all from adolescence to adulthood and beyond you know you’re different. When you boyfriend touching your boobs or butt illicit a response " never touch me there again!" and makes you feel violated and angry, you know something is off, because apparently you're supposed to like being touched there? Who would want to be touched there?

 

Second you don’t need a relationship to know you don’t want sex with anyone. Hearing your friends talk about their sexual things they did together confirms it and makes you sick. So I don’t need a bunch of relationships with men to know I’d bail the minute things turned sexual. 
 

I have felt sexual attraction to someone-Youtube dude but whatever. Attraction is weird like that. 
“Well you’ve felt sexual attraction before that doesn’t mean you’re Asexual!” 
 

Look, Therapist, that means Asexuality is a spectrum like the rest of sexuality. (I am not interested in debating those who say otherwise.) 

 

It’s infuriating thar some just can’t accept some have no intrinsic desire for sex.

[Qiri]

I never wanted kids when I was growing up, and many people assured me that my stance would change as I grew up. I am on the cusp of 40, and nothing has changed. I still do not want kids, and am very happy without them.

 

 

[Frameshift07]

9 hours ago, everywhere and nowhere said:

I absolutely understand your correction and @Meowbah's wording did sound flippant. But still I can't also fully agree with you. Of course having had sex doesn't banish everyone from the asexual label, but there are still reasons to mention sexually active asexuals a little less:

1. It is absolutely possible to have biological children without sex, and even without complicated medical procedures. Insemination can be done even at home and has a slightly lower success rate, but is by no means hopeless. (After all... even if it appears striking to everyone who hears about so many unwanted pregnancies - including myself - actually, getting pregnant is not so easy. With every method of reproduction - "natural", medically assisted, "DIY" assisted reproduction without sex - miscarriages are still fairly common. Actually, many miscarriages happen so early that the woman doesn't even realise that the fertilisation happened in the first place, it just seems like a slightly late menstruation... At least I can be sure that, as someone who has never had sex and could never do it, I personally haven't brushed against the risk of getting pregnant...) And asexual prospective parents who happen to be sex-averse need reassurance that they don't have to endure sex.
2. No, it's not like I think that "compromise sex" is literally being actively "promoted". But too often it seems perceived as a default solution. This creates a lot of unsafe pressure on sex-averse asexuals. Asexuals who just dread the idea of having sex aren't being bad partners, they are just sex-averse. Humans are so infinitely diverse that being terrified and/or disgusted by sex is no less normal, acceptable and a necessary part of human diversity than loving sex. Sex-averse asexuals are a highly vulneable group and they shouldn't be living in a socio-psychological atmosphere which makes sexual activity seem inevitable.

1. I know.

2. I'm not "promoting" compromise sex or putting "unsafe pressure on sex-averse asexuals" or saying that "asexuals who just dread the idea of having sex" are "bad partners" or trying to frame sexual activity as "inevitable". I mentioned compromise sex once in a thread where the topic of having children is obviously going to come up. I'm not sure I need to be told to "mention sexually active asexuals a little less".

 

I understand the struggles anyone will face for being sex averse and I myself have expressed that compromise sex shouldn't be the default solution in any relationship. But this thread is somewhat centered around other asexuals who choose to have or to not have children.

[Jelle]

On 12/3/2024 at 9:17 PM, Skycaptain said:

Definition of a baby

 

"An insatiable appetite at one end, and no sense of responsibility at the other"

 

That quote was from a USA president who used it to insult Russia 

 makes much sense

[lilihierax]

Yep. I never want to be a parent or have a child to look after. I really don't enjoy being around kids or babies; I never know what to do or say to them, and I really just want them to go away and leave me alone. I have zero parental instinct and it seems like it would take away pretty much all of my personal life and time to myself (those things are immeasurably more precious to me than children). I would be an awful parent...

[PaleMoth]

I've never wanted kids. It's not that i dislike them. I just prefer to be able to hand them back. My sisters have kids (now all teenagers) and i genuinely enjoy their company.

But I also don't feel as though I'd be able to offer a child everything they need and that I don't like the direction our world seems to heading in. 

Dogs on the other hand, are my babies and I think my boy makes up for my lack of human kiddies

[Guest]

On 12/4/2024 at 2:02 PM, Lord Jade Cross said:

 

I knew a schoolmate who got pregnant at 17. Her mother told her, point blank, "you fucked up, you have to take responsibility now" and she did not help her daughter one bit with the raising of the kid. The mother said she had to learn the ramifications of her actions. And she did

Why do they usually talk about that instead of serious informative conversation about abortion rights and free contraception at schools, free abortion for those who have no money to pay for...

[Guest]

14 hours ago, PaleMoth said:

I've never wanted kids. It's not that i dislike them.

I dislike children, especially babies and it may be brain reaction close to ASMR kind of brain reactions. It's difficult to explain, because no serious research about it I can't find to read about. But people like me have to hide this need of avoiding of what we dislike, because it's socially unacceptable and can cause discrimination... So, it's difficult for us

Edited December 18, 2024 by DariaDaria

[Miss Grey]

I went through a period where I thought I wanted kids. Then I spent enough time around them to realise I really really didn't. 😅 Kids are great but they are not compatible with my mental health.

[Guest]

5 hours ago, DariaDaria said:

I dislike children, especially babies and it may be brain reaction close to ASMR kind of brain reactions. It's difficult to explain, because no serious research about it I can't find to read about. But people like me have to hide this need of avoiding of what we dislike, because it's socially unacceptable and can cause discrimination... So, it's difficult for us

Just watched about Madison school shooter. It's terrible😢. It's even difficult to imagine that LGBTIQA childfree people can 'be targeted' and some criminals or terrorists can provoke them behave aggressive using post traumatic stress disorder by showing them tones of posts about children, billions advertisement for children etc. You know, government can close access to internet or make some restrictions for example for AVEN websites etc. Maybe it's better to create subforum for childfree LGBTIQA asexual people to avoid any misunderstandings. I don't know. Who knows?😢🌈

Sorry, I don't speak English fluently. I hope you understand what I say.  It's really sad😢🌈

 

 

https://youtu.be/cFsdZZa-xNY?si=1WfZ3U3lmHpOoWup

Edited December 18, 2024 by DariaDaria

[jay williams]

I have no children. Never wanted any. Just not compatible with my nature, I guess.

[Guest]

11 minutes ago, jay williams said:

I have no children. Never wanted any. Just not compatible with my nature, I guess.

Me too

[seran]

I'm in my 40s and childfree by choice. I like children, just not the idea of having them myself. Used to have nightmares about pregnancy when I was younger. Now thanks to wonders of modern medicine I don't have to worry about this anymore.  

[Miss G]

Yep, that's me. 

 

As a teenager I knew that I didn't want kids and everybody would say to me "oh, you'll change your mind one day". I am now in my 30s and still have zero interest in reproducing.

[will123]

Even in my early 20s and long before I heard of asexuality, I had no interest in fathering children.

[artzcat]

I’m childfree as well! Being the eldest to much younger siblings satisfied any mothering feelings I might have had and also turned me off of having kids myself. And several things over the years have given me more and more reasons not to have kids. 

[newgirl]

I'm proud to be childfree in my 50s. The downside finding asexual man  over 44 who is childfree, open to dating and lives in  California 

[Siphoner]

I have honestly never wanted children. Not once in my life. And the amount of people that have consistently told me that in a few years I'd be foaming at the mouth to have a bunch of children, has been too many. I'm perfectly happy to report that I'll be 36 this year and still going strong. Children are just too much stimulation, too much mess...just overall too much lol

[heutgel8]

I have no children. I never excluded the possibility to give birth to a baby, but it had not happened. In my sixties I am happy with it. All in all, I don´t think I would have had the nerves to raise children.

My late husband had two daughters and after he passed away, it was a big mess with them and his divorced wife.

Now i think: If there happens a relationship with whatever gender (preferred male) no offspring please!

[Gaia.]

Never had children never wanted children,don’t really like children I am happy to be childless

[Darn Dane]

I'm childfree Heck, had I and my potential offspring procreated at the same age my parents got me, I'd be a granddad by now! 🤯

 

Annoying thing is, little kids tend to gravitate towards me, e.g., at family functions. If anyone has any tips on how to effectively shoo those miniature orcs off, I'm all ears! 👂

 

When people aske me why no kids, I usually say I'm waiting for humans to lay eggs instead of live-birthing. Then I can put the egg in an incubator, and wait 18 years for it to hatch into a reasonable, fully educated adult for whom I'll never have to assume any responsibilities.