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not sure what to do with myself


oja

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Ever since realizing I don't have to force myself to be sexual, and that being sexual is not the way I relate to people... I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what I want from relationships. Friends? Acquaintances? Penpals? Nothing?

I also don't know what to do with my mind. For so long I was caught up in forcing and pushing myself to be sexual. Now I'm not doing that anymore. So I have all this excess mental energy to spend elsewhere.

However, it's not as simple as just focusing on something else. I just feel adrift... my focus is the problem. I already read and write voraciously, and I can't do that much more than I already am.

I've started watching some TV shows, mostly documentaries. I've been cooking (but not eating) a little more.

I just don't know what to do with myself.

This is all good-- I'm not depressed. but I feel lost. I feel like I have a chance to be really me for the first time in... oh wow... too many years.

Did anyone else every feel anything like this? Any suggestions on how to help myself focus?

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When I first discovered AVEN, I was embroiled in various other life events that led me to feeling constrained and like I was forcing myself to be something I wasn't. Though the situation ended ... er, nearly 2 years ago, now ... it's only been the past 6 months or so that I've started unfurling and exploring who I actually am, instead of the box I was trying so hard to push myself into.

It really is an amazingly freeing feeling, so yay! :cake: Though I can definitely sympathize with feeling a bit lost at times.

Coping methods ... not sure I can be of much help there. I'm lucky -- I'm still in (graduate) school, so between taking a full load of classes, an extracurricular or two, and falling head over heels (unrequited) for a close friend, I've ... eh, found ways of keeping myself busy, you might say. :lol:

You mentioned you write voraciously. Do you / have you considered keeping a journal? I find that's a really good way to get my thoughts straight when I have issues that I'm not entirely sure how I feel about.

As for feeling at loose ends ... is there anything that you always wanted to do, but never did because it seemed to take too much energy / just was never the right time? You might try investigating a few of those things. Have fun, be yourself. :)

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I was already involved in a lot of social justice activities when I finally realized through AVEN's help that I've been asexual all my life. Since that stuff is my avocation now that I don't work for pay, I'm a little prejudiced toward it.

So---look around you. Do you see anyone in need? Would you like to help them? You can get involved in providing services. Would you like to change things so not quite so many people need help and can't get it? You can get involved in policy issues. Go online where you live, or ask around. You'll find organizations and issues that need your talents and your time and you can choose among them the ones which suit you best. You'll also meet a lot of really interesting people who don't care whether you're sexual, asexual, or whatever, because personal oddies aren't the point.

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Sally said what I was going to say, so I'll just say HERE! HERE!

Volunteer yourself somewhere. Pick some organization or people where you have an interest and before you know it, you won't have any free time to worry about focusing. Oh and you will make many new friends that won't care about your sex life. And on top of all that, you will get a wonderful feeling of accomplishment for helping others, that you can't get any other way than to give of yourself and your time.

Enjoy!

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yeah, i can certainly relate to what you say. I feel the same, and as i watch the years go by, i feel more and more insecure. i haven't figured it out yet, and my 48th birthday looms near. but i suppose i'll learn to live with it, unless it kills me first.

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Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I've considered getting involved in some community volunteering. So far I've been reading more (even though I thought I couldn't-- I'm worried about my eyes!). I've been reading about US history.

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Ever since realizing I don't have to force myself to be sexual, and that being sexual is not the way I relate to people... I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what I want from relationships. Friends? Acquaintances? Penpals? Nothing?

I also don't know what to do with my mind. For so long I was caught up in forcing and pushing myself to be sexual. Now I'm not doing that anymore. So I have all this excess mental energy to spend elsewhere.

However, it's not as simple as just focusing on something else. I just feel adrift... my focus is the problem. I already read and write voraciously, and I can't do that much more than I already am.

I've started watching some TV shows, mostly documentaries. I've been cooking (but not eating) a little more.

I just don't know what to do with myself.

This is all good-- I'm not depressed. but I feel lost. I feel like I have a chance to be really me for the first time in... oh wow... too many years.

Did anyone else every feel anything like this? Any suggestions on how to help myself focus?

I haven't read anyone else's answers so I could be repeating but...

There are a MILLION things you can do! There are children, animals, seniors to be visited and get involved in. There are charities galore that need phone lines maintained and booths manned. There are missions to help serve at. Relationships with people (esp. the opposite sex) -you might want to approach with caution, just so you're not sending messages that they can misread but I promise you, you'll never run out of things to do. But you have to look for them, nobody is going to hand them to you.

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