Do you believe in love at first sight?

[R_1]

Just as question said.

[Ceebs]

No.

 

Intrigue, a sense of attraction (whether sexual or romantic), any sort of a strong draw to someone... sure, of course. I've been strongly drawn to people very quickly, in a variety of ways. But not love. I have absolutely no idea how you could love a stranger other than in a hippie-dippy 'I love all humanity' sort of way.

[CassIsSarcastic]

I chose "depends" for several reasons. 

 

Firstly, I assume we're talking about romantic love, specifically.

 

Secondly, I feel like the definition of love is a bit subjective, and definitely varies from person to person.

 

So, in short: Maybe for other people, I don't know. 

 

Longer rationale: Are we including romantic attraction in this definition? A majority of people seemingly experience romantic attraction at first sight, so I do believe in that for other people. Because a lot of people seem to develop crushes or infatuation as soon as they look at someone, as if their aesthetic or emotional and romantic attractions are tethered, and thus they become preoccupied with and drawn to them? I cannot relate, nor have I asked any of my peers, so I can't discern.  

 

I've never experienced what I'd call love itself at first sight to a stranger, especially romantic love. I suspect I'm demiromantic, or at least I'm definitely somewhere between allo and aro, so I know that might limit my perspective. I've felt different types of attraction on first encounter -- intellectual and emotional, I'd say -- usually when I'm actually interacting with a person, or a sense of hope in a platonic connection, but never desired anything romantic or felt romantic attraction on first sight.

 

I think I have to use platonic love as a metric. With my late best friend, when I met her face-to-face, I experienced an otherworldly sort of confidence that I could trust her (trust is hard for me, so this was odd to say the least), and that she would be someone special in my life (ie. that this would become platonic love). I was very drawn to her. Is this like what people mean when they say they "fell in love at first sight"? That they looked at this person and felt a sort of sixth sense confidence or hope that love would unfold, except romantically? I could believe in that, I think.

 

Cliches aside, I once heard a former pastor say that he locked eyes with his future wife across their college campus and he "just knew." I'm kind of a hopeless romantic, so I've certainly read a lot of fiction where this has been said or implied for characters, and I can't deny I've found the idea of romantic love, or even romantic attraction, at first sight very special and intriguing -- I think that stemmed from me not really knowing I was somewhat aromantic; I used to, shamefully, think that I was just more 'rationalistic,' 'patient,' or 'realist' than my peers and their romantic hopefulness, lol -- but honest to goodness, I've no idea as it relates to reality.

 

I don't want to undercut anyone's feelings. I feel like, depending on the circumstances, you may be able to debate whether it's infatuation or love taking place, or another form of attraction, but because these are all fairly subjective to each person, how the heck do you know? I used to wholeheartedly disbelieve in romantic love at first sight, and thought it was the magic of fiction, because I find the notion of jumping from nothing -- not even developing affection or getting to know someone -- into love quite incomprehensible. However, I've had to start reexamining all of these things which I thought I knew for certain, because I'm definitely somewhat guilty of applying my own experiences to be more or less universal. Like, I used to think people were being kind of influenced by desperation and whimsy rather than actual feelings when they professed quick feelings. 😅

 

Are alloromantic people actually experiencing instant romantic love? I'll be shrugging 'til kingdom come, I think... So, "Depends." I don't know. 🤷‍♀️

 

EDIT:

Might also be important to note, though I have experienced romantic feelings which were quite strong on a few separate occasions -- the last being nine years ago now, at fourteen -- after knowing and connecting with these people first as friends, I don't feel confident enough to say I myself have ever "fallen in love (romantically)," because I think love is supposed to be longer-lasting, or more than what I had? I think there was a case it could've grown to that, when I was a teenager, but it was probably more so what I'd call infatuation. But these things are so hard for me to discern when sources seem to make superficial differences like "excited vs. calm in their presence." What if you felt both? By that metric, I was more in love as an elementary school kid. So anyway, I may not even be qualified to comment on romantic love itself.

[ToniGrace]

Are we talking about romantic love?

 

I strongly suspect I'm somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, so my response might be unfairly coloured by that. But even if people experience romantic love within minutes/hours of knowing a person, I wouldn't necessarily call that "love". It could be more a sense of "I probably will fall in love once we know each other better"? or like a (desperate) wish to connect to that person. But love in my understanding of the word, is more durable, more stable than that, built on the solid ground of knowing each other and caring for the other person.

 

On the one and only occasion where I was (romantically) in love with someone,  I worked with him for about three weeks before feelings started to develop. And boy, even this felt way to fast and intimidating. I was literally overwhelmed, like huh, where did this come from? I remember telling my friend (and gushing) about him and smiling like crazy and she probably knew what was up all along. But it took me several more weeks to grasp what I was feeling and that my emotions could be due to romantic attraction/love. When the realization came to me, I was sooo confused 😅

I honestly believe that falling in love at first sight would be a very stressful experience. 

 

The one type of love at first sight that I experienced myself - that's family love. A newborn child/sibling/...Goodness, I love them without ever having seen them 😀 and while this is clearly different from romantic love,  it's love nonetheless and it would translate into "actions of love" whenever need be.

 

So yeah, that's my two cents on that

[petunia.the.plant]

No I don't believe in love at first sight. I think its a cute idea, and I can sometimes be a bit of a hopeless romantic, but "love at first sight" is not a thing I've experienced or think I could experience in the future.

I'm a pretty analytical person, and it just seems illogical to fall in love with someone at a glace or first meeting. I feel like you have to trust someone before you fall in love, and I'm a pretty paranoid person (maybe due to the true crime podcasts I listen to). It takes a while for me to trust someone, and the first time I had a crush on someone I had already been friends with them for 2 years. 

Not to say that maybe other people can't fall in love at first sight. This is just my experience/thoughts. 

[CassIsSarcastic]

1 hour ago, ToniGrace said:

Are we talking about romantic love?

 

I strongly suspect I'm somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, so my response might be unfairly coloured by that. But even if people experience romantic love within minutes/hours of knowing a person, I wouldn't necessarily call that "love". It could be more a sense of "I probably will fall in love once we know each other better"? or like a (desperate) wish to connect to that person. But love in my understanding of the word, is more durable, more stable than that, built on the solid ground of knowing each other and caring for the other person.

 

On the one and only occasion where I was (romantically) in love with someone,  I worked with him for about three weeks before feelings started to develop. And boy, even this felt way to fast and intimidating. I was literally overwhelmed, like huh, where did this come from? I remember telling my friend (and gushing) about him and smiling like crazy and she probably knew what was up all along. But it took me several more weeks to grasp what I was feeling and that my emotions could be due to romantic attraction/love. When the realization came to me, I was sooo confused 😅

I honestly believe that falling in love at first sight would be a very stressful experience. 

 

The one type of love at first sight that I experienced myself - that's family love. A newborn child/sibling/...Goodness, I love them without ever having seen them 😀 and while this is clearly different from romantic love,  it's love nonetheless and it would translate into "actions of love" whenever need be.

 

So yeah, that's my two cents on that

That's such a good point about familial love. I definitely believe in that kind of "love at first sight"  

[Philip027]

No.  To me love is something that can only happen from interacting with and truly knowing a person, which you haven't done yet if you've only seen them.

 

At that point you're only experiencing fascination, or infatuation, or something like that.  It can certainly eventually lead to love, but it's not there yet.

 

3 hours ago, ToniGrace said:

The one type of love at first sight that I experienced myself - that's family love. A newborn child/sibling/...Goodness, I love them without ever having seen them 😀 and while this is clearly different from romantic love,  it's love nonetheless and it would translate into "actions of love" whenever need be.

Yeah, I certainly don't experience that.  I am much more likely to have a negative reaction to newborns in particular, in fact.  Doesn't matter that they're "family" or not; the reaction is the same.  I don't really have any more attachment toward family than I would toward anyone else.  I love my mom, because she's been there and cared for me for basically all my life.  She's earned it, in other words.

 

Unfortunately, babies have a long way to go before they can possibly do anything to earn it XD

[Epitaph]

Probably a bit of both. Interestingly enough, love at first sight happens to a degree on the chemical level in the brain. The moment you see a person that fits the bill, without you even knowing it, several different chemicals are fired off in your brain, one of which is responsible for keeping your focus on somebody. I think at the chemical level, the chances of two people having this reaction occur for both of them simultaneously is rare, but not impossible. The usual case is a staggered reaction. One person's attention is caught, the other reciprocates some time later. But the first example would fit the bill of the definition of love at first sight.

 

But out of my experiences with life and people, love at first sight applies to me. I don't connect to many people, and the times that I have in my life, I knew right away that at least on my end of things something had changed. More often than not, the person on the other end of things knew it too. I've no particular way to define it, as it's a tricky feeling to process for me.

 

It's like I can look at somebody and see everything that they are under the surface. As if I've known them for a long time already, and that this feeling spans not years, but different lifetimes. I'm immedietely drawn in by a person whom I know a lot about in an instant, but nothing at all as I've just met them. The few people I've ever been involved with have reciprocated that feeling back at me. It's made for immensely heavy interactions as it feels like a force I can't control, like gravity. I know it's a deep connection when my brain skips steps and puts that person on the "help them even if you're falling apart" list.

 

But love is also a pretty broad word. I think love is as much the initial meeting, and the commitment through thick and thin after the initial magic fades, if it does. I can think of love like seasons. The beginning can be more vibrant and exciting. But it's not complete without the quiet autumn. However, you can never get to the quiet autumn without the vibrant spring to begin with. And sometimes it's the other way around. It's a quiet autumn or a cold winter at first, and then it just explodes into something else.

 

At least for me what bonds I make are singular, and these events span decades. They also never wither. I'd give my life up at the drop of a hat for the people I know years later, even without contact from them for years, as that's what was decided on day one the moment I saw them. I can love in some form on day one, and carry it with me years later even though those people are long gone now.

[Sally]

No.  "Believe in" sounds like you are talking about a religion, and isn't relevant to a feeling about another person. 

[Ceebs]

3 hours ago, Epitaph said:

I don't connect to many people, and the times that I have in my life, I knew right away that at least on my end of things something had changed. More often than not, the person on the other end of things knew it too. I've no particular way to define it, as it's a tricky feeling to process for me.

 

It's like I can look at somebody and see everything that they are under the surface. As if I've known them for a long time already, and that this feeling spans not years, but different lifetimes. I'm immedietely drawn in by a person whom I know a lot about in an instant, but nothing at all as I've just met them.

Although I still don't personally call that love because it doesn't fit with how I define the experience of truly loving someone, I know that feeling more or less. With a twist. It's never based on seeing a person, never felt it that way at all. It's happened... twice, I think. One time more strongly than the other. No 'sight' involved whatsoever, just connection through words. Like an intense familiarity that doesn't really make logical sense, but it's there nonetheless. Like... I really know them somehow, but also I don't. 
 

But yeah, I don't call that love myself. Along with the feeling of familiarity and the strong draw, there's maybe a sense of 'I think I could love this person', though. At any rate, when I've felt it I haven't been wrong.

[Epitaph]

29 minutes ago, Mrs Telecaster-to-be said:

Although I still don't personally call that love because it doesn't fit with how I define the experience of truly loving someone, I know that feeling more or less. With a twist. It's never based on seeing a person, never felt it that way at all. It's happened... twice, I think. One time more strongly than the other. No 'sight' involved whatsoever, just connection through words. Like an intense familiarity that doesn't really make logical sense, but it's there nonetheless. Like... I really know them somehow, but also I don't. 
 

But yeah, I don't call that love myself. Along with the feeling of familiarity and the strong draw, there's maybe a sense of 'I think I could love this person', though. At any rate, when I've felt it I haven't been wrong.

Early stages of it, I think. Nobody can pin a hard line on where love directly ends or begins. But I know how I at least work. Genuine connections to anybody that make me feel anything at all with people can be counted on one hand. Everybody else is mostly relegated to the "people doing people stuff feeling, I just live here and at least they're not trying to kill/backstab/steal from me." When genuine feeling beyond that emptiness shows up, with me it's always been all or nothing, probably because my long days exist largely as nothing.

 

Anybody that has the ability to cut through the emptiness of my existence has a tether formed to them that I can never seem to cut even if I try. That all or nothing state of mine is always present, just controlled and let out in small doses since I know most people don't work that way, especially in the beginning. Part of love to me is that all or nothing, but where it really develops and grows is in the nuance of a person. That always takes actual time.

 

On the familiarity of people though. I have a thought on that. People who understand what darkness is can see it inside of other people. Without even having to think about it even, sometimes it probably comes down to something almost instinctually intuitive. People who carry it or live in it simply know when they're dealing with another who's versed in it. As awful as those things can be, there is a familiar comfort in it, because it leaves certain marks on people.

 

I've always found that people who've lived with it, or were brave enough to sit down and ponder it usually have similar qualities. Very nice, usually soft spoken, aren't likely to judge, aren't intrusive, and react and act with a measure of thought to everything they say or do. They've shaped themselves not to be a destructive reflection of what they came from or live with. Those types of people are all innately familiar even if what they've faced is different from one another. Misery can be a universal feeling, of which it's easy to look at it and see yourself in it and therefore a part of you inside of them, and some of them in you.

 

I imagine this also applies to happier people too, but in my experience, I've only ever formed solid bonds to people who dwell in or carry the dark, so to speak.

 

If I were to add one final thought on that. I love quickly in this regard, as it seems like the moment I know somebody carries something, I'm invested in attempting to defend them from it. That's not exclusive strictly to people I could love or do love, but it seems strongest there. I call that love then, as a part of love is that, and for the most part, that is the only remaining thing left in me I can use to express it.

[A User]

As a trope in media? Sure, it's cute

In real life? Nah. I don't think it really happens, right?

[Starry Sky]

Not necessarily. The idea of it could be there but actual love takes time

[Blueberry Pie]

Nah. You don’t know someone just by looking at them one time.

[Autumn ace]

I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in love at first conversation 

[Ceebs]

5 minutes ago, Autumn ace said:

I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in love at first conversation 

Oh I like that. The general sentiment of it anyway, even if I'm not completely sure I'd call it love yet. Kind of what I said in one of my posts above about connection through words. I had a strong sense of that in my first one-on-one conversation with A Certain Someone haha.

[cat_lady]

No, I don't believe it's a thing for me, but maybe it is for other people. I don't think love at first sight is real, but I also struggle to believe that sexual attraction is real, lol.

[daveb]

Not love at first sight. Some form of attraction, though, which might turn into love as the people get to know each other, sure.

[Homer]

Infatuation? Yes.

Love, no.

[Squirrel Combat]

No, but yes. What we call "love" at first sight is more of a lust, visual attraction, or other alchemy that compels us to want that pretty thing that our brain makes us think we will lose forever if we don't grab it in the moment.

One reason I don't care to meet ladies in person anymore, although I never really experienced this exactly in the first place. I don't even have the motivation to make the first move and break the ice with someone unless they invite me in some fashion.

[lovely_xm07]

I replied with no. The way I define love is that it takes actually getting to know someone and choosing to be with them despite their flaws. To me, love is more of an action than a feeling. It can be feelings, but the feelings are more like do you feel safe with them? Do you trust them? And the actions are more do you put them first and do they put you first? Attraction at first sight is completely possible. But are you willing to stay with them when they are in their dark times? This is love to me in any relationship. It’s the loyalty, respect, and perseverance through the hard times that couples/people go through. 

[J. van Deijck]

On 10/24/2024 at 4:04 AM, cat_lady said:

but I also struggle to believe that sexual attraction is real

That I can deeply relate to at least I can't imagine how it potentially feels like.

And there are people who don't believe that we don't experience sexual attraction and cannot imagine it, too

[J. van Deijck]

To answer the question, no. I don't believe in love at first sight. This seems to be rather some sort of infatuation or desire or whatever, at least in my eyes. Rationally, can you truly love someone without knowing even basic details about them, let alone more important things?

[iff]

@R_1

 

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