Regretting being asexual?

[Busrider]

I would regret being asexual if the true Princess charming would leave me or at least be sad because of my unwillingness to fulfill her nymphomaniac needs as frequently as each other week (which is a randomly guessed frequency. I neither know nor care yet what might be essential beyond the first year of a relationship).

I firmly believe in Princess Charming but haven't met her yet. - So no, I don't regret. - Why should I? - Finding no pleasure in knitting while I was taught that during elementary school was probably worse.

If I suddenly became extremely sexual, I 'd face way bigger problems than my current ones. It isn't like a fear of sex would urge me to hide from people, there 's only no attraction to lure me out.

[Jin Kisaragi]

Didn't think I was too young, guess I'm at a confusing age.. not really young but not really old either..

[Nick2]

I think having regrets is common. People wish they were taller, thinner, had more hair, ect. 2nd guessing is the norm. Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be sexual. But after all this time I am OK with it. You just find other areas of interests.

[Ziffler]

I don't regret being asexual, although for a long time I regretted the fact that I seemed to be the only one in the world.

For most of my life, that old classic "You just haven't found the right guy yet." was absolutely true, precisely because asexual men ARE so extremely rare.

Admittedly, that probably wasn't exactly what my friends and family meant, but it was true nonetheless. :D

-GB

YES! Exactly. The part about thinking I am the only one. The square peg in a round world. The thoughts of,"What is wrong with me?" "Why am I different?" Why can't I be like everyone else?"

I have no regrets about being asexual. I had regrets about being different and all alone.

[isillote]

I don't have any regrets about being asexual. When I look at some of the horrendous relationships my friends get into (particularly those of my own age, who are now feeling old and feel that if they don't hang on to the one they've got they may never have sex again) I'm really glad that I don't have that longing for sex that they do.

The same goes for the maternal instinct, which I also lack. I've never regretted not having children. No, I don't want to adopt! And the pets I've had are not substitutes for the offspring I'd really like to have! People are almost as stupid about the lack of maternal instinct as they are about asexuality.

Some people only see one way of being. Their way.

[osito]

I have no regrets over being asexual. I feel that I've escaped the clutches of something that ensnared many others around me.

I do have regrets over some of the ways in which my relationships have failed and the pain that was caused on both sides, and like others above, regrets over feeling for years that there was no one else like me.

[thylacine]

I agree with Isillote... The way of life people have nowadays is ridiculous. They have so many multiple partners while looking for "the right one" and they just keep on getting hurt. People don't date anymore, they just "hook up" and men have absolutely no respect for women these days whatsoever... it's not just the promiscuity, they get into a lot of drugs & stuff too. I'm in my 40's & I feel like I'm witnessing a generation of young people being ruined by their own out of control behavior. It worries me to see future generations being brought up this way, because when I'm elderly, they'll be in charge.

[HighwayStar]

I think at this point, my only regret is the regret itself. I spent a lot of years regretting that no matter how much I was romantically attracted to a woman, and no matter how hard I tried, sex would always be anathema to me.

And, as osito alluded to, regretting the hurt I caused others in the process.

Finally I accepted that I would have to find a way to be asexual in a sexual world (even before I knew the term “asexuality”). I think it would be great to find a "heteromantic"/asexual connection, but come what may my life is much more peaceful now than when I was trying to be someone I’m not.

But that’s just been the journey that got me here. And since I’m not bleeding and I’m not in jail, I guess I’m doing okay (as a coach once barked at me in high school :lol: ). While we live, the possibilities remain.

[bydefault]

HighwayStar, I feel your pain but I do have some regret.

I don't mind asexuality in itself. I think it's grand. My only regret is the hetero-romantic part of it.

When it comes to social interactions I always feel like I'm in a minefield with no way out. I envy the aromantic asexuals and wish I could become one.

[P3]

But then I think of the hassle that I dont miss..........like the forcing ur self to do and say stuff I don't want. The arguments, the trying to avoid a man. The worry and upset etc.

So no I dont think I'm missing anything not anymore... once I would look at couple's I think how nice it would be to have someone think the world of you, and share things with.

I like the companionship but not the comittment or sexual parts.

x

[tph301]

I sometimes regret being asexual but its only when I surrounded a lot of people who talk about their relationships, and the fact sex and relationships are talked about Everywhere it's kind of annoying. The fact its harder to relate to others. Reality though I don't really care and and happy to be this way.

[A-listed]

When people say that they "regret" being asexual, what exactly are they regretting?

Would they regret being asexual if 25% of the population were openly and avowedly asexual? Probably not. Even the person here who is bitter about having no family would have had a better shot at satisfaction if one person in four were of her sexual orientation.

I am delighted to be asexual. What I find very inconvenient is our SOCIAL status. It's exceedingly difficult just to FIND other asexuals; I don't know a single one. And even making friends is hard for me, because the sexual organization of society limits opportunities to meet and befriend other adults. And I might (or might not) want to have a partner eventually, but finding one who is compatible will be very difficult because of the goddam sexuality of most people.

So, no, I don't regret being asexual in the slightest. But I do strongly wish that society accommodated us better.

[Sally]

I completely agree with A-Listed. It's the same as with other minorities, or those who are perceived as minorities in the sense of not being "normal" or "good enough": No one regrets being black, or white, or bi-racial, or anything, it's how we're TREATED and whether we can find others who we're compatible with that's important.

[oeko]

no way...

[arzacx]

never

[Ewok]

As I start to creep my way towards my mid 30s the only thing I regret is that I'd have listened to my friend who told me at 17 that he thought I was asexual.

I thought he was just being weird and calling me an amoeba.

Thankfully my mother stopped trying to set me up with nice men in my late 20s. I don't care how nice they are, I need to find someone who is OK with me being me. :)

Also, amen on the discrimination thing. I've gotten weird looks and 'OMG freak' type comments from people when I have said I don't really like sex at all and could live with it forever.

[Raker]

It isn't something I could regret any more than the colour of my eyes. It's not a choice; it's just a part of who I am.

[thylacine]

I don't regret being asexual, but maybe I regret being on this planet!

[Angelica Soprano]

I don't regret being asexual, but maybe I regret being on this planet!

Unfortunately, we have to suffer the chimps of this planet, but it needn't be as such a depressing experience as it might appear to some of us here.

I think that our numbers are probably much higher than the so called 'normal' chimps would have us believe? Think of the fanatical golfer or the fishing mad.

I've known people that just haven't got the time for sex, and live lives that make sure they don't, too.

So, I have this sneaking suspicion we are being fibbed to, and this site if known about, could multiply by a few more million of us.

[starcat]

Do you sometimes regret your life was asexual?

Do you sometimes have the feeling you missed something important?

Do you sometimes think your experience isn't complete?

40 yrs or so, of denying my true feelings, yet I don't regret my struggles in a sexual world. I wouldn't have my two wonderful children today, if I felt and lived the way I do now. I have never been happier and more settled within myself after acknowledging my asexuality, yet here I sit...still facing two completely different worlds.

Married to a sexual man, I do have some regrets of not being sexual at times. It would make our lives so much easier. Do I feel that I am missing something? No and yes. In a loving relationship it is a bonding act and brings two people closer together. A union, becoming one, loving touch, not just the slam, bam, thank you mam sex act. So sometimes yes, I feel that I am missing out on another way to show your love for someone. But yet the feeling isn't strong enough to outweigh the NO.

Do i regret coming out of the closet with my true asexual feelings? Never. Could I ever go back to having sexual relations? I can't turn my back on my asexuality any more. I am what I am...and I likes what I am :) Thank god I can finally be me!

[Pentachromacy]

There are no regrets. Perhaps there exists glimpses of a life that could have been. Seeing them brings an interesting perspective on how this path is plotted. Living in fear of being harmed is no way to tread. There are big differences between caution and cowardice. It is inevitable that the living must suffer at different points in life. I do not fear. My adversity dwells within physical boundaries rather than emotional distress. We all feel pain in some form or another.

Regret? Why would you second guess a life of logic, capitulation, and diversity? Maybe it is because as asexuals, we lack definition. So many of us seem to turn away from our inner instincts and look towards the words of others to describe ourselves. Such an oddity this day and age is... This shift from thinking beings to mesmerized spectators. Maybe it is for the best. I am unsure. This sentience is not omnipresent nor all knowing.

I was once able to care at some point in a time forgotten. A domain of emotions I can barely identify now. For a brief time I was there; and for a brief time I mattered. All of it simply adds to the collective experiences one has gathered. I am that I am; flawed but existent, no more no less.

I don't regret this life and there is still much of it left to be lived.

[thylacine]

"Perhaps there exists glimpses of a life that could have been." To me this means that if things were different, my life could have started with a teen pregnancy, then a fast marriage, then a constant stream of screaming kids arriving, the shouting husband, the divorce, the trying to find a job so I can make it on my own and feed the kids, etc... sorry to sound cynical, I'm basing it on what I see others go through... I honestly think my life is easier this way.

[Pentachromacy]

"Perhaps there exists glimpses of a life that could have been." To me this means that if things were different, my life could have started with a teen pregnancy, then a fast marriage, then a constant stream of screaming kids arriving, the shouting husband, the divorce, the trying to find a job so I can make it on my own and feed the kids, etc... sorry to sound cynical, I'm basing it on what I see others go through... I honestly think my life is easier this way.

More power to you. My glimpse was of a life in which this body was never engulfed in flames. In this perspective I never would have flat lined, been revived, and remained in a coma. Always a balanced trade off though... Either way life is not easy. Not by a long shot. What others go through may not necessarily be what you will experience. However... "If it ain't broke don't fix it." If your path works for you then there is no need to change it, unless you wish to broaden the route. The fire was a blessing really. Had it not occurred this person would have never seen what it has. Is life easier for it having happened? No. Are there more ways of thinking available because of it? Yes.

Nevertheless it is good to see you have a keen sight on your own priorities.

[CLF]

deleted

[SuzH]

I only regret not realizing sooner that I am asexual. But I do have 3 wonderful children from my effort to be what I thought I was supposed to be. I had to sit down with myself and go over my life, take a look at what went wrong with each relationship I tried to have. It always came down to the same thing, I wasn't interested in sex. Not repulsed, just not interested.

Do I regret/resent the fact that I am asexual? NO! I feel so much freer now. I am no longer trying to "fit in", not thinking there must be something wrong with me. I can now just be ME and others can like it or not. Because if they do not like it they are not interested in who I am, just what I am. We are, all of us, more than a body. I now feel like a whole person, I am a whole person. So there is nothing missing and nothing to miss out on. I was missing out when I was trying to fit in to the sexual world. I would regret that if it weren't for my children, so I cannot regret that either.

[thylacine]

"I can now just be ME and others can like it or not. Because if they do not like it they are not interested in who I am, just what I am. We are, all of us, more than a body. I now feel like a whole person, I am a whole person. So there is nothing missing and nothing to miss out on. I was missing out when I was trying to fit in to the sexual world. I would regret that if it weren't for my children, so I cannot regret that either." Right on, Suz!

[Tanwen]

Exactly.

[Jake]

I will always regret being forced to be this way.

Of course I missed out on something important.

My experience will never be complete because of what I have already missed out on. It doesn`t matter what happens in the future.

[thylacine]

Yah know... I'm walking through the grocery store, pushing a cart around, picking stuff off the shelves, and I hear this awful shriek... Kid: "MOMMY! MOMMY!! I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU!!!" Mommy: "Shut the hell up or I'll f-cking kill you, you rotten brat!" Am I sad to be asexual? NOPE!!!

[catrinac]

I didn't regret it till recently. Now that I'm older I'm having a kind of mid life crisis and am having regrets a plenty.