Engaged Posted November 4, 2007 Share Posted November 4, 2007 Hello, I have been dating a man for nearing a year. We have planned on getting married. I have pretty much decided that I just can't do that due to my belief that he is asexual. Now I am wondering what the best and least painful way of ending this would be. I am crazy about him and don't want to hurt him.I have tried talking to him about the sex issues but can't get anywhere. He pretty much changes the subject. I don't want to criticize him or do damage to his ego. Any suggestions will be appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted November 4, 2007 Share Posted November 4, 2007 I don't want to criticize him or do damage to his ego.Bad idea from my experience. It might turn him into a still attached begging puppy. (Been there & did that)Cut clean and deeply. Brutally honest if you can. Tell him frankly that you are monoromantic but have sexual urges. Remind him that you offered several chances to talk lengthily about his problems / POV to seek a compromize and well, you don't want to head for desaster anymore. Don't offer to be just friends right now. - It will not work out before he got over you. Give him roughly a year to get there. Just my 2 c. - Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
LuvHuggS Posted November 4, 2007 Share Posted November 4, 2007 Hello,I have been dating a man for nearing a year. We have planned on getting married. I have pretty much decided that I just can't do that due to my belief that he is asexual. Now I am wondering what the best and least painful way of ending this would be. I am crazy about him and don't want to hurt him.I have tried talking to him about the sex issues but can't get anywhere. He pretty much changes the subject. I don't want to criticize him or do damage to his ego. Any suggestions will be appreciated Honestly, i don't think there is any best or less painful way to do something like break up with a person that you've been in such a close relationship with. It will effect you both for weeks/months/years, but in the end we all have to move on with our lives. I would lay it out on the table in black and white, how you feel why you feel it, why you've come to the decision you have. Ask how he feels, thinks, wants to say etc. If in the end you've made the right decision you will know it within yourself. ~A~ Link to post Share on other sites
FISH' Posted November 4, 2007 Share Posted November 4, 2007 Hello,I have been dating a man for nearing a year. We have planned on getting married. I have pretty much decided that I just can't do that due to my belief that he is asexual. Now I am wondering what the best and least painful way of ending this would be. I am crazy about him and don't want to hurt him.I have tried talking to him about the sex issues but can't get anywhere. He pretty much changes the subject. I don't want to criticize him or do damage to his ego. Any suggestions will be appreciated Sorry, but there's no way you can end it without hurting him. Maybe you should just tell him that you need sex in order to have a healthy marriage. Maybe he will understand, and maybe you can both make the mutual decision to end the relationship. Best case scenario, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
jr1 Posted November 5, 2007 Share Posted November 5, 2007 Just be honest with him When truth is divided, errors multiply. ~Eli Siegel, Damned Welcome Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted November 5, 2007 Share Posted November 5, 2007 Truthfully....have you tried to confront his asexuality and the boundaries he is willing to go to stay in the relationship? Asexuals may have sex to keep a relationship healthy and happy for both people. Have you had a long talk about him about what he feels? Have you done that yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted November 5, 2007 Share Posted November 5, 2007 A response to Tool's previous post: I had a few failed relationships. I wish that guy could keep his as much as I wish I had got my last one but I believe to know: Sexual demands of partners are pretty obvious. If Engaged wasn't fishing in the hardcore "no sex until marriage" scene's pond and tried talking to him about the sex issues but can't get anywhere. He pretty much changes the subject. There is no light at the horizon. My personality has deal breaking flaws too (like probably everybody's). But during a entire year of dating these subjects usually get probed and if somebody doesn't talk at all about such stuff, there is a damn big problem. - Especially at the beginning of relationships partners are usually quite optimistic and spreading even irrational hope that everything will become fine. Link to post Share on other sites
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