Just sayin' hi.

[Forcedasexual57]

Hi all.

 

I'm a newbie here (obviously)

 

I'm not sure if I belong here (I might have it backwards)

 

so, somebody please let me know if I'm on the right track - by looking for advice here.

 

Thanks,

oh, and I'm Terry btw...

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Welcome @Bogyman57 🍰

 

Take your time and hope you can enjoy the site or make good use of it :).

[LeChat]

@Bogyman57 Hi, Terry. Welcome! 

 

(Below is an official, green, mod message.)

 

Hi! I'm just letting you know your thread was moved from the "Welcome Lounge" to the "For Sexual Partners, Friends, and Allies" forum.

 

LeChat,

Welcome Lounge, Announcements, and Alternate Language moderator

[Forcedasexual57]

Thanks, LeChat - I'm starting to get a feel for this place. 

I'm on the "receiving end" - married to an angry antisexual who refuses to even discuss the issue.

[LeChat]

9 minutes ago, Bogyman57 said:

Thanks, LeChat - I'm starting to get a feel for this place... 

You're welcome!

[Guest]

Hello and welcome to AVEN, Terry! 🍰 Don't worry, everybody's welcome here; asexual, sexual or perhaps somewhere in between

[Olallieberry]

12 hours ago, Bogyman57 said:

refuses to even discuss the issue

In my opinion that's a much bigger problem than the sexuality mis-match.

 

In my own mis-matched marriage, there was a period when this could have caused a split. Fortunately it didn't last and we're back to having zero off-limit discussion topics.

[Olallieberry]

13 hours ago, Bogyman57 said:

somebody please let me know if I'm on the right track - by looking for advice here.

You're on the right track if you're here to look for advice.

 

I (sort of?) hope that the above line in your original post was what prompted a move from the Welcome Lounge to FSPFA. When I first saw it happen, I had a very negative reaction because it seemed like the only reason you got moved from the site-wide Welcome Lounge to FSPFA was because you identified yourself as a not-asexual person. Like FSPFA is some kind of ghetto for the sexuals and aren't welcome outside of this part of the site.

 

That was the optics of it. Other times when I've seen something moved out of the Welcome Lounge were when the person introducing theirself to the site also asked specific questions in their introductory post, questions which have appropriate parts of the site for those questions. But yours didn't have any such specific questions. It only had you indicating that you intended to look for advice on this site. Nothing about what the actual advice you wanted was. That didn't come out until after you got exiled to FSPFA. Which contributes to the negative optics of this.

 

So I hope that your statement being taken as a question is what prompted the move. I really hope that you weren't singled out as a not-asexual person and shunted away from the site's welcome forum for new users based on that.

 

Tagging @LeChat

[Forcedasexual57]

52 minutes ago, Olallieberry said:

In my opinion that's a much bigger problem than the sexuality mis-match.

I agree - there's not much I can do.

 

In the beginning of our relationship, it was all Kama Sutra full blown porn-star shit.  She was up for anything and everything - and boy did I take advantage of her enthusiasm!

She was always tighter than any woman I had ever known, but she was into using big toys - showing no signs of pain - always with a big bottle of lube on-hand.

 

Over the years, of course we slowed it down, less and less each passing year - and she got tighter and tighter.  Only after my VERY recent research did I realize that she had all the symptoms of Vaginismus.  A syndrome common to women who have been sexually abused at a very young age (as is her case).   She was just ignoring the pain and "doing her duty as a good wife" as she'd been taught to do by her family and previous husband.

  

In our final "conversation" on the subject, she literally grabbed me by the ears - mid cunnilingus - and screamed at me for half an hour about how she is "sick of this shit!" - and how she's tired of faking EVERYTHING - faking enjoyment, faking orgasms - because I was supposed to already know that "there is no such thing as a female orgasm - ALL women fake it just for show and to get it over quicker, cunnilingus is boring, and masterbation is just stupid! - I was doing it all just for you, and I'm DONE"

 

When I asked her "What am I supposed to do about it?"  Her response was "you've still got hands, don't you?" (in other words:  go fuck yourself)

 

Well,  THAT was 4 years ago - and we had been together 19 years by then.

 

Counselling is something she'd never go for, divorce is not an option (for financial reasons) , and I know she would never agree to an open marriage - because that would threaten the ring on her finger.

 

So...   that, as they say, is why I'm here.

[LeChat]

Hello, everyone.

 

I just thought I'd help mention that, rest assured, new members aren't shunted away from the site's Welcome Lounge forum if they're not asexual.