dash Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Hi everyone, So I'm 26, single, hetero-romantic and mostly asexual, and there seems very little chance I will ever carry a baby (ahh!). Nevertheless, I love children, work with children, and hope to continue to work with children. I have seriously thought about adoption as choice I would want to make some day. Then not long ago I realized, wow, an asexual couple raising children might run into problems as the children grow up, mature and become sexual (assuming they do, which is quite likely). Are there any older asexuals on this site who have struggled with helping their children into healthy sexuality when they never experienced these emotions/changes themselves (or have experienced them significantly differently from the "norm")? I would not want my children to grow up with harmful taboos/lack of accurate information, or a feeling that they have been mislead by parents, teachers and other authority figures, about sex or otherwise. So, I feel that sexuality would be something which, to some extent, someone else (other relative, teacher, mentor, etc.) would have to parent them on. My (sexual) parents and some other family members have had a hard time over the years understanding my being asexual. And here, conversely, since I have completely no understanding of the physical drive to actually have sex with other people, I don't see myself as qualified to counsel anyone else through developing it. I know, it's not today's problem at ALL, I was just wondering if anyone had any experience with this and would be willing to share. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
ghosts Posted October 30, 2007 Share Posted October 30, 2007 Moving this to Older Asexuals. :) -ghosts, Relationships moderator Link to post Share on other sites
cdraines1959 Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 well, i'm not an expert, but i am asexual and am raising 2 teenaged daughters. so far, it's not been a problem ( and before it's remarked upon, that was before i accepted my asexuality, and before my divorce ) Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Hi everyone,So I'm 26, single, hetero-romantic and mostly asexual, and there seems very little chance I will ever carry a baby (ahh!). Why is that? Are you sterile? If you're fertile, there's a 100% chance you can carry a baby. My friend did it, she's not married or in a relationship. Are there any older asexuals on this site who have struggled with helping their children into healthy sexuality when they never experienced these emotions/changes themselves (or have experienced them significantly differently from the "norm")? My mum. Link to post Share on other sites
-V- Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 26 is "older"? That really hurts... Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Sometimes non-parents and also parents think they will have more influence on their children than they actually do. Especially in today's highly-sexualized society, children learn about sexuality from all sorts of sources, probably the least important of which is their parents. You can have a baby if you're willing to go through what's necessary to have one, and I don't think your asexuality will be a problem in raising that child. Most children--as soon as they get to the stage where they're interested in sexuality--actively don't WANT to know about their parents' sexuality (or lack thereof) -- they think their parents having sex is icky! Link to post Share on other sites
jr1 Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 just love them and try not to worry. they need to "ride the bike" themselves Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 I don't see a big problem, especially not with boys. Think practicallly: If a teenager believes to have found love there's only one question to ask the parent(s): "Why do you demand me to come home that early?" and there's no difference between 11:00pm and 3 weeks at the other's place. Your guidance will be asked if the crush isn't mutual. Hey, who could explain that better than a asexual single mom? - What's the difference between a desinterested sexual and a asexual? - In doubt it to be big. The only thing is that the sexual migt encurage your kid to become more attractive than hir competition. What else to teach? Contraception and safer sex come to my mind. Where are the problems? - Child support means no pocket money + hard work. You can show what that means can't you? Another important thing is "No means no". - Asexuals seem qualified for that, don't they? Your kid will hang around with others, watch TV, hopefully read books all of that will teach about relationships. I doubt that teens try sex because their parents ravished about it. They 'll do it on their own and if they like it they 'll continue. Prude societies have been raising sexuals for centuries. - Why should you fail? Link to post Share on other sites
Puzzle_chick Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 I'd say it's kind of similar to a gay couple raising a straight child or visa versa. Just because the parents are biologically engineered one way, as long as they let their child know they love them, be supportive, let them discover their sexuality on their own, and listen to their concerns if they're worried that they'll be asexua too or anything, I don't think the kid would grow up with taboos. As long as you let them know you totally support them as sexual people even if you're not, they probably won't think it's bad. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 I'd say it's kind of similar to a gay couple raising a straight child or visa versa. Just because the parents are biologically engineered one way, as long as they let their child know they love them, be supportive, let them discover their sexuality on their own, and listen to their concerns if they're worried that they'll be asexua too or anything, I don't think the kid would grow up with taboos. As long as you let them know you totally support them as sexual people even if you're not, they probably won't think it's bad. I know a few gay couples raising children and it's always confusing for people who think something is wrong it with. I mean...if you were inclined to think that it's improper, which is worse- two men raising a BOY (to NOT be gay) or two men raising a GIRL (they often wonder how she's going to know she's a girl without a mother.) One couple just jokes and says they're taking her for lesbian classes when she's older. Link to post Share on other sites
Dame du Lac Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 26 is "older"? That really hurts... Ahh! 26? That's still young. I think ghosts just wanted to move the thread to where there were more people old enough to have raised teenagers. I hope there aren't many 26 years old here with teenagers. :shock: Link to post Share on other sites
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