Shunning Intimacy- Magnamags

[Face]

Found this from the link to Warwick Pride and didn't find anything on searching for magnamags so guess I'm the first to find it.

http://www.magnamags.com/magna_savvy/node/450

The author seems to be another that finds it too hard to believe but isn't nasty about it.

The title is a bit annoying too. Intimacy != sex






2014 Mod Edit: The above link doesn't work anymore, but the article can be found here. For future reference:

Shunning Intimacy
[11 Apr 2007]

According to a recent study, a growing number of people actually classify themselves as asexual. Howzzat! They say they’re living happy lives without sexual activity. Shocking but true, sex is simply not what drives their world. They do not have any interest or inclination towards sexual behaviour.



Of course, it’s highly debated whether asexuality is a sexual dysfunction or simply a case of sexual orientation. Some experts classify it as a hypoactive sexual disorder or a sexual aversion disorder. It’s been suggested that past sexual abuse, sexual repression (of homosexuality, heterosexuality or bisexuality), hormonal problems, delayed development, sublimation of sexuality for personal, religious or cultural reasons, or simply not having met the right person, could be what causes asexuality in a person. Most asexuals however argue that the ‘right person’ concept is a myth because they can’t get into romantic or sexual affection with anybody and what’s more, do not create any image of an ideal lover for themselves. Many self-identified asexuals assert that because their asexuality does not cause them distress, it should not be viewed as a disorder.

Asexual Variations
It is believed that to be asexual, one must lack both a sex drive and romantic attraction. Surprisingly, many asexuals do have a sex drive but it is usually not directed at anything, and is only an urge for sexual stimulation or release. Some may experience sexual feelings, but have an aversion to sex, while others seek sexual release through sexual contact. Those asexuals who experience feelings of romantic attraction, generally desire romantic relationships (ranging from casual liaisons to marriage), but often do not want these relationships to include sexual activity. Because of their romantic orientation, some asexuals describe themselves as gay, bi, or straight asexuals. Those asexuals who do want romantic relationships are in a difficult position, as the majority of people are not asexual. Asexuals able to tolerate sex can pair up with non-asexuals, but even then their lack of attraction or desire can be psychologically distressing to their partner, making a long-term romance difficult.

Asexuals who cannot tolerate sex must either compromise with their partners and have a certain amount anyway, give their partners permission to seek sex elsewhere, have sexless relationships with those few who are willing, date only other asexuals, or stay single.

Those asexuals who don’t experience typical romantic attraction are also called aromantic asexuals. While some do find a relationship with another asexual, they may not include stuff such as kissing or touching. Aromantic asexuals who are in relationships often are unsure of themselves, even if their partner is aromantic as well, because of the mass media showing ‘normal’ relationships. They may feel they don’t measure up to their partner’s standards, usually due to a past failed relationship or lack of experience. This feeling usually goes away over time. A romantic asexual couple often looks like best friends to most people due to the nature of their relationship, even though something deeper does exist between them. It’s the same deep love romantics have, but it’s shown in a different way from the norm.



If you’re a teen and lack sexual desire…
…It does not automatically make you asexual. You could explore underlying psychological or physical issues, before labelling yourself asexual. Not being inclined towards having sex at the moment does not rule out the fact that the same teenager could be interested in it at a later stage. Every person develops sexually at a different pace. While some are sexually precocious, some are late bloomers. Being in your late teens or early 20s doesn’t mean you necessarily are in full bloom. There are plenty of other reasons that someone could feel asexual without being in a permanent or irreversible state. The reasons include endocrine imbalances, a history of trauma or abuse, subconscious negative attitudes about sex, fear of being swept away or losing control, depression, anxiety, and the effects of undiagnosed medical conditions. Some people might even just like feeling ‘special’ or ‘unusual’. Give yourself the advantage of time, and, ideally, have at least a few sessions with a qualified sex therapist so that you can talk about all your feelings, beyond the pressure imposed by either your family or your peer group.

If sex is painful and you become aroused very rarely…
Sex was never meant to be painful or even uncomfortable. Pain is a symptom that something is wrong and needs attention. If you have sex you don’t want, then you are bound to be insufficiently aroused and lubricated, which causes sexual intercourse to be painful. In addition, certain medical conditions also make intercourse — and sometimes even gentle sexual touch — painful. Do see a doctor, who is well-trained in the practice of sexual medicine.

Many people think that sexual desire is supposed to hit like a bolt from the blue; that a woman should merely look across the room at her partner and tremble with sexual need. If she doesn’t feel that way, she could start to believe that there is something wrong with her or the relationship. The reality is otherwise. Many people — especially women in long-term relationships — feel desire only after they have experienced sexual pleasure and arousal. This is why a long, delicious kissing session, or the right kind of touch and caresses, or the mental stimulation of an erotic movie or conversation, could initiate the arousal that leads to a desire for more. Many women simmer for a long time before they really get hot. Meanwhile, any disturbance, including a partner who’s in a rush, can douse the fires. Anybody who has had only a few poor sexual experiences may conclude she is just not very sexual, when, in fact, it is normal not to feel sexual under the circumstances.

If you’ve become asexual after being married for some years…
It is possible to lose desire for sex in a long-term relationship, but losing desire is not the same as being asexual. There are many reasons why a woman would find sex a turn-off — some are medical or hormonal but most have to do with the changes in her relationship. Lack of trust or feelings of anger and resentment can play a huge role. So can the inability to communicate sexual needs or have them met by your partner. Illness, depression, anxiety and certain medications can also have an impact. Complaints of ebbing sexual desire in marriages, whether by the female or male partner, are the most common reason that people visit sex therapists.



If your husband is never interested in sex…
You cannot work out a sexual problem with an unwilling partner. What you can do, however, is tell your husband that you love him but don’t want to live a sexless existence forever. Let him know you understand and respect the fact that he has blocks and resistances to have sex with you, but that you’d like to explore them with him via counselling. If he is willing to consider couples therapy, go for it immediately. If he is not, get counselling for yourself. You deserve some help in considering all your options, and making clear and responsible decisions about your future.

[Tool1989]

Yeah....the title I don't like. But at least he is nice and is trying to give advice (such as if your partner "becomes" asexual...that would help people who "need" sex.