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What do SEXUALS think when they are kissing?

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Krit08

I don't really think of anything. It's hard to explain, kinda like listening to music with headphones on - you're not thinking about it, you're just getting lost in the moment. That's what kissing is like to me as non-asexual.

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Shayune

This has been very interesting for me. As an extremely-repulsed asexual, I really can't stand even the thought of kissing. I tried it once, with someone I really, really trusted, and (I'm ashamed to admit) I actually pulled away and said, "Yuck!" Right out loud. To his face. (I'm sorry!) So I guess, when I'm kissing, I think, "Having another person's spit in my mouth is completely disgusting. I bet you could spread so many diseases this way..."

I can understand that kissing - for someone who was into it - would be really wonderful if you were kissing someone you trusted and cared about. But what about those people who kiss strangers in bars all the time? I've got a friend who does that; she never sleeps with them or anything. She just makes out with every "cute" guy she meets. What is that about?

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Sonikasonica

Being asexual I got to admit that I do like to be kissed by a guy I'm in love with.

Now, if you were anywhere near me you would notice how I immediately pull away from any stranger that tries to "greet" me with a kiss in the cheek. Does that happens in the rest of the world or only in Puerto Rico? One of your friends present you some new guy and instead of shaking your hand he immediately wants to kiss your cheek - in no sexual manner! Is just that it seems to become the rule over here! Guys immediately look perplexed when I pull back and even more if I explain to them that I don't kiss strangers.

Guy= B-But everybody does!

ME= Well, I don't so that means that not everybody does.

XD

I do like holding hands with a man I'm in love with and kissing him is really nice. I really don't "think". He's just there and my mind flies who knows where. It made me happy.

Is the whole intimate intercourse thing that repulses me. One friend once asked me if I masturbated. LOL

ME= Are you crazy? Why would I do that? Is boring as hell... why should I waste my time that way?

Friend= :shock: :shock: B-But...

Me= No butt me. End of this conversation.

XD

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SuzH

I've never really understood kissing. I usually end up feeling like I've been slobbered on, the guy is aroused, but I feel like I need to wash my face.

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MorganChaos

Well...it really depends who's kissing me.

If I'm kissing a guy, it probably means I'm presenting male, in which case I'm nervous. "Did I bind well enough? Can he tell I'm girlshaped? Does he care? Oh crap his hand is on my waist, don't go to touch my chest, there's no way he won't be able to tell then..." etc. It's usually interppersed with "God he kisses good," "ooh that was nice," or "what the fuck is he thinking??" depending on his skill.

If I'm kissing a guy and I'm presenting female, I'm almost always not doing it by choice. Thoughts might include "ewwww," "get this loser off me," and "why am I here again?"

If I'm kissing a girl and presenting male, it's the same case. But when I'm kissing a girl and presenting female, I'm more comfortable than in any of the above scenarios. It tends to be more of the "ooh that was nice," "god she's a good kisser," "what the fuck is she thinking?" than anything else. I also agree with what someone else said, that I'm not thinking thoughts so much as experiencing emotions. I usually don't want it to end (if it's any good anyway) and it almost always makes me want more, i.e. petting or sex. I do get very physically affectionate and cuddly, more than usual, when I've been kissing. I don't want them to go away, I want them to be close and warm and snuggly with me for awhile.

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SuzH

Yup, I've said it before...........it's like explaining colors to the blind. I don't understand how anyone can be aroused by kissing and I never will. I don't know what arousal feels like. And at 53 I'm done trying to find out.

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MetalNun

Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss - a friendly moment of contact. Thinking fondly of the person and expressing affection. But a really passionate kiss with one's partner arouses intense sexual feelings throughout the body. It's not so much "thinking" about anything, as feeling. Oh, by the way - although my partner is a man, and I love him dearly and enjoy kissing him, in my experience, generally women kiss better than men.

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Snail
I have told him I will never force him to do something he is uncomfortable with, and I have kept my word. I say this and all the while I feel like I am dying inside because I crave his touch and his lips on mine but I would NEVER want him to kiss me out of obligation. I know that it will be hard, but he is amazing and quite worth it. But, oh! what I would do for just one kiss!
that sounds awful :(. have you ever told him about the longing you feel?

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SuzH
Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss - a friendly moment of contact. Thinking fondly of the person and expressing affection. But a really passionate kiss with one's partner arouses intense sexual feelings throughout the body. It's not so much "thinking" about anything, as feeling. Oh, by the way - although my partner is a man, and I love him dearly and enjoy kissing him, in my experience, generally women kiss better than men.

That is the "colors to the blind" part. What is a sexual feeling? I feel affection, but that would not include any sex. I've never had an overwhelming desire just had to have someone touch me. To me sex is like cleaning out the closet or cleaning the toilet. In a relationship I know that it is expected, just seems like another household chore. :?

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MetalNun
Suzanne said:

That is the "colors to the blind" part. What is a sexual feeling?

Very good question! As a matter of fact, after I posted that I realized, "Hmm, how would someone relate to that if they've never felt it?" I guess it could be compared to the excitement one feels when surfing a great wave, dancing, riding a rollercoaster, intense exercise, kundalini yoga, or some other physical activity that causes a "body rush," a general feeling of excitement or euphoria, like your nervous system is extremely lit up. A little bit like a drug, perhaps. To be more specific, a sexual feeling would involve that overall rush as well as an intense warmth and/or tingling in the genitals, plus a sort of magnetic attraction of wanting to merge your body with your partner, which would differentiate this from other types of physical excitement. It's very hard to describe. I should also point out - and this may be obvious, but - in my experience if you are kissing the wrong person with whom there is no real connection, the stimulation will not really be there. For me personally there has to be a deep spiritual connection or else I'm not interested and the physical magic does not happen. I hope that is helpful!

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natsume

No interest.

I mean... sounds exciting! :roll: :lol:

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SuzH

Oh, an adrenelin rush? Endorphins being released like crazy? Must be a road block at my belly button tho! I get the rollercoaster part, love them. I fall short on the emotional/physical level. And it seems to me that fear can result in the same response. So, I guess it is that subtle difference that I don't get.

Trying to explain has to be as frustrating as trying to understand.

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LuckyFox

How about this thought during a kiss:

I love you. I want to spend my life with you. You are so very beautiful, and nothing will ever change that.

Does that help anyone? -Thats what I think anyways... I don't 'go blank', or think about having my way with the person. But at that moment, when the eyes are closed, there is an odd sensation of complete trust and admiration. I wish I could live there.

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MetalNun
Oh, an adrenelin rush? Endorphins being released like crazy? Must be a road block at my belly button tho! I get the rollercoaster part, love them. I fall short on the emotional/physical level. And it seems to me that fear can result in the same response. So, I guess it is that subtle difference that I don't get.

Trying to explain has to be as frustrating as trying to understand.

Hmm... again you raise a good point, and yes, in my experience there IS a subtle difference between an adrenaline rush in general, including one brought about by fear, versus the rush of sexual stimulation per se. I am finding trying to explain this "intriguing" rather than "frustrating." The fact that everybody on this board seems extremely intelligent, makes it easier! Ok, for one thing, I am going to go with "endorphin" here as opposed to "adrenaline." Fear would usually involve adrenaline, which is more of a "speedy" and not necessarily pleasant feeling for me, one which I might also feel in states of anger. Whereas, "endorphin" is more of a pleasant, energized-yet-calm state, a feeling of oneness with the universe and one's partner. I used surfing as an example of the body rush, and for me personally, swimming in the ocean is very close to the sexual feeling in so far as your entire body is being caressed by the water and it is a very lovely, pleasant, sensual feeling (although not specifically sexual)... And then along with this, the more specifically erotic/genital physical sensation which is very difficult to describe if you have not experienced it. Interestingly, you used the phrase "fall short" in describing your experience (or lack thereof). One could interpret that in a negative light; I am not going to, but do you feel shortchanged or unfulfilled by this lack of experience? Or is it more like, you have nothing to compare it to, so you are happy not knowing what you are "missing"?

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LuckyFox

I feel so ignored on the subject now. :cry:

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MetalNun
I feel so ignored on the subject now. :cry:

Um - ?? Do you mean, because nobody is addressing the emotional level as you have so nicely expressed it? My impression from this thread is that the asexual folks DO understand very well the emotion - I love you, I cherish you as a person, etc. What it seems like they are saying is that they don't understand or experience the physical/sexual aspect that goes along with it for sexual persons.

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LuckyFox
Um - ?? Do you mean, because nobody is addressing the emotional level as you have so nicely expressed it?

Something like that.

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MetalNun

Lucky, wow, we were both writing at the same time and you replied before I finished editing my post! Please continue.

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LuckyFox
Lucky, wow, we were both writing at the same time and you replied before I finished editing my post! Please continue.

What can I say, I'm just good like that. :P

Anyways, I would consider myself in the collective sexual crowd in the bigger picture, and that was my point. My mind isn't on the physical attraction, a kiss is so very much more then that. In fact, as I stated, anything physical is far from my thoughts during such a tender exchange as a kiss.

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MetalNun
Lucky, wow, we were both writing at the same time and you replied before I finished editing my post! Please continue.

What can I say, I'm just good like that. :P

Anyways, I would consider myself in the collective sexual crowd in the bigger picture, and that was my point. My mind isn't on the physical attraction, a kiss is so very much more then that. In fact, as I stated, anything physical is far from my thoughts during such a tender exchange as a kiss.

That is very interesting and I guess it just goes to show that for each of us, sexual, asexual or otherwise, our personal experience is unique. So if I am understanding you correctly, for you a kiss is not "sexual" at all? Or perhaps, "sexual" is not "physical"??

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LuckyFox
Blah blah blah.

I'm exhausted Metal, I'll look for a reply tomorrow. For now it is SOoooo totally sleep time.

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LuckyFox
That is very interesting and I guess it just goes to show that for each of us, sexual, asexual or otherwise, our personal experience is unique. So if I am understanding you correctly, for you a kiss is not "sexual" at all? Or perhaps, "sexual" is not "physical"??

A kiss, dear heaven's no. Totally not sexual. I can imagine a kiss giving me the desire to be close to someone, be next to them ya' know... But not to have sex with them. Totally different element COMPLETELY.

-Did that make sense? I always lose my train of thought.... Again, SO TIRED.

G'night Sweetheart.

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MetalNun
This has been very interesting for me. As an extremely-repulsed asexual, I really can't stand even the thought of kissing. I tried it once, with someone I really, really trusted, and (I'm ashamed to admit) I actually pulled away and said, "Yuck!" Right out loud. To his face. (I'm sorry!) So I guess, when I'm kissing, I think, "Having another person's spit in my mouth is completely disgusting. I bet you could spread so many diseases this way..."

I can understand that kissing - for someone who was into it - would be really wonderful if you were kissing someone you trusted and cared about. But what about those people who kiss strangers in bars all the time? I've got a friend who does that; she never sleeps with them or anything. She just makes out with every "cute" guy she meets. What is that about?

First paragraph, last sentence: From a medical standpoint, you are quite right. And the same is true of sex, and more so; as Dave Barry's book says, "Babies and Other Hazards of Sex..."

Second paragraph: I SO agree with you on that! I love kissing my partner or one of my closest girlfriends, BUT I find it completely bizarre and unappealing, the idea of making out with complete strangers in bars. I also find somewhat offensive on these "dating/reality" shows when people who have just met are immediately sucking face and on camera. I mean, I'm not judging them, if they want to do it, that's fine, but I personally cannot relate to it at all. If I don't have a connection with a person I sure don't want to kiss them (on the lips). The peck on the cheek as they greet one another in Europe is a different matter; that's not actually exchanging spit.

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SuzH

The wide spectrum of thoughts/feelings seems to run the gamut from yuck to meh to nearly orgasmic. From repulsed to emotional to sexual. There doesn't seem to be any one answer as everyone is an entity unto themselves. But very interesting!

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Rabger
ISo what is SUPPOSED to be going through our minds?

Whatever you want. There is no "supposed" to answer, and no one is alike. So trying to say that all sexuals think something when they're kissing is as naive as saying all asexuals think something when they are kissing.

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Wolf X Omega

I've never kissed anyone, but i hope that the first time i kiss will be with someone i really like and I hope that when that happens i'll be thinking "I Don't want this moment to go away, never"

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SuzH

I'd also guess that whatever is going thru your mind depends on whether you are being kissed or are participating.

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MetalNun
That is very interesting and I guess it just goes to show that for each of us, sexual, asexual or otherwise, our personal experience is unique. So if I am understanding you correctly, for you a kiss is not "sexual" at all? Or perhaps, "sexual" is not "physical"??

A kiss, dear heaven's no. Totally not sexual. I can imagine a kiss giving me the desire to be close to someone, be next to them ya' know... But not to have sex with them. Totally different element COMPLETELY.

-Did that make sense? I always lose my train of thought.... Again, SO TIRED.

G'night Sweetheart.

Hmmm... again, interesting. Yes, it makes sense - you express yourself very clearly! We obviously just have a very difference experience of kissing, or at least, passionate kissing of one's partner (which as I have stated elsewhere, for me is very different from a peck on the check in greeting or a quick smooch of a friend). When my partner and I kiss, we experience intense physical/sexual attraction almost as if our bodies are literally magnetic! Thanks for the feedback and I hope you got some good sleep.

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LuckyFox
Thanks for the feedback and I hope you got some good sleep.

I did, although now I'm up at 6am, have work at 10am, and won't be going home into LATE into the night. Darn.

-Lucky

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SuzH
Interestingly, you used the phrase "fall short" in describing your experience (or lack thereof). One could interpret that in a negative light; I am not going to, but do you feel shortchanged or unfulfilled by this lack of experience? Or is it more like, you have nothing to compare it to, so you are happy not knowing what you are "missing"?

Very good question. I don't feel shortchanged or unfulfilled, I would have had to have the experience in order to realize I'm not getting something I once had. And it's also not that I'm happy about it. I do see happy couples that have a rich and satisfying sexual life and know that is one of the things they enjoy about their relationship. It enhances the relationship. On the other hand, I know couples who would not be together if their sexual relationship wasn't so fulfilling for them. It's one of the things in life that makes me go "hummm?" But I'd say I'm complacent about it. Curious, but complacent.

I have 3 children and knew that kissing was the way to "get the party started". And, apparently I became good at it as my husband loved to kiss me. I just never got what the big deal was and why he became so aroused. So for me it was a means to an end because I wanted children. To others it seems to be a means to a beginning. I'm pretty sure sexuals don't think "If I can get this over with by 10 I can still watch that program I'm interested in". Or maybe at times they do?

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