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yay

What do SEXUALS think when they are kissing?

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yay

I'm just curious, because there was a large post about what ASEXUALS think about as they're kissing from "I'm bored" to "This is disgusting" to "Did I do the laundry this morning?"

So what is SUPPOSED to be going through our minds? Enlighten me, sexuals. Tell me what's going through your mind as you are kissing someone. I love hearing about what it's like on the other side of the fence in any kind of issue, sexual or not.

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GreyCloud

Thanks for asking, I was wondering the same. Always been afraid to ask my girlfriend though as that would likely result in me admitting my own thoughts and feelings, and I wouldn't want to hurt her.

A friend of mine once said that kissing "makes me want more" and my girlfriend told me today it made her feel fuzzy in the head. :lol:

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M51

Ooooooh, anxiously awaiting sexual replies to this one. Good question, Yay.

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jr1

I guess our hearts are supposed to race and feel warm inside with "I hope this lasts forever" thoughts

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Hayley
I guess our hearts are supposed to race and feel warm inside with "I hope this lasts forever" thoughts
According to fanfiction, yeah. :wink:

I'm also curious about the responses this'll get from sexuals. Maybe they don't think of anything, their brain just switches off? :?

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iff

an annoying thing i've ever seen has been when i was about 18 on ane scalator in Easons (big book store on the main street of Dublin) a man when to the step about his girlfriend to kiss her from the step

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Busrider

:shock: Sure about the racing heart part? - That seems so "flee or fight" to me, that it doesn't blend in.

I enjoy affection but it triggers only the opposite of feelings, like: warm / lazy sleepy daydreaming...

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BunnyK.

Well, there's quite a range of reactions...

If you don't like the way the person kisses, it can be kind of like "Ew..what the heck? Omg, how fast can I get away?"

If you haven't kissed before, and you really like the person, and they don't do anything gross, it can be amazing. Your whole body lights up and you get all the heart-racing, palms-sweating, total arousal feelings. There's typically a thread of "I hope he likes this...how do I react to that?...Wow, this is fun.."

If you've been with a person a long time, a kiss can be anything from very arousing to totally loving or any combination, not to mention various other things like grumpy or hurried or whatever.

I think a lot of the time when I kiss, I'm not really thinking words, but more experiencing emotions.

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Busrider

Thanks BunnyK, now I get it! - These first kisses you're describing weren't that frequent or real (thanks online dating) to make me remember the tension. - Great description of the rest of the cocktail BTW.

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l'héros

My friend has told me that it makes her want more.

I really want to kiss someone though I'm A. I never have before but I actually have a desire to do that... but not as a prelude to anything else, especially sex.

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Hallucigenia

BunnyK summed it up well.

I hafta say, the first few times I kissed a boy I wasn't into it - not because I don't like kissing or wasn't attracted to the boy, but just because it happened fast and I didn't have the hang of it yet. So it was kinda like "Oh, okay, so our mouths are doing this. Hmm. That must be a tongue. How strange. Am I supposed to be more into it than this?"

Sometimes, especially if you've been away from each other a while, a kiss can be very arousing or romantic, which is a case of I'm-not-really-thinking-of-words-now. Most of the time, it's not quite so dramatic, but it's fun, and I'll be having vague thoughts along the line of "yay, this is nice" and figuring out which technique to use and paying attention to what my partner's doing.

And sometimes, even now, I'm just not really in the mood for it, and my thoughts go more in the direction of "hmm, this is kinda wet and not so fun, oh well. But the cuddling (or whatever we're doing) is good, and I don't want to break up the moment, so I'll go along with it for now." It's never truly unpleasant, or even boring the way that asexuals have described, I just kinda miss the point of it on occasion.

My friend has told me that it makes her want more."
In my experience it depends on the kiss. A really long, intense kiss, yes, it can turn people on. Most kisses, though, no.
I guess our hearts are supposed to race and feel warm inside with "I hope this lasts forever" thoughts
An intense kiss, like many other forms of affection, can raise my heart rate a little, but I wouldn't describe it as "racing" and it's not something intense enough to really think about much. It's just a "yay, exciting/fun activity time!" type increase, perhaps coupled with an increase from sexual arousal.

Warmth - again, it depends on the kiss. A really romantic type of kiss can make me feel warm and fuzzy, but it's not a requirement.

As for "I hope this lasts forever", I'm gonna have to say no. If I'm into kissing, I'm not also spending my time brooding over where the relationship is going - I'm going to be busy enjoying the activity at hand. I might think that before or after kissing on occasion, though.

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Placebo

Thanks for your description, BunnyK, that was helpful.

I particularly liked this part:

If you haven't kissed before, and you really like the person, and they don't do anything gross, it can be amazing. Your whole body lights up and you get all the heart-racing, palms-sweating, total arousal feelings.

Why did it never occur to me that kissing and arousal were connected before? That's remarkably stupid, even for an asexual. ;) I always thought of kissing as being relatively separate from other, more intimate activities. I don't know why, but I did. Thanks!

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l'héros
Thanks for your description, BunnyK, that was helpful.

I particularly liked this part:

If you haven't kissed before, and you really like the person, and they don't do anything gross, it can be amazing. Your whole body lights up and you get all the heart-racing, palms-sweating, total arousal feelings.

Why did it never occur to me that kissing and arousal were connected before? That's remarkably stupid, even for an asexual. ;) I always thought of kissing as being relatively separate from other, more intimate activities. I don't know why, but I did. Thanks!

I thought it different than arousal too, don't worry.

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yay
Why did it never occur to me that kissing and arousal were connected before? That's remarkably stupid, even for an asexual. I always thought of kissing as being relatively separate from other, more intimate activities.

Me too! I guess because I don't get aroused when I kiss someone... I'm just indifferent to it. I never have thoughts of wanting more or even connect kissing to sex. I guess because people kiss in public or on tv, and it mostly doesn't lead to sex. Plus, people kiss their relatives or children... I just don't see kissing as part of like "foreplay" or preparation for sex.

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Tool1989

:) Just knowing how close she is to me, feeling her hair, hugging her close, feeling her skin gently and softly....

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!zzy

It really depends on who you're with, how you're kissing, and thousands of other nameless things.

It can be comforting, it can be as simple as a smile, it can be stimulating, arousing, invigorating... There are so many things it can be. For me, it typically serves as an emotional amplifier, or a source of comfort.

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Nameless
an annoying thing i've ever seen has been when i was about 18 on ane scalator in Easons (big book store on the main street of Dublin) a man when to the step about his girlfriend to kiss her from the step

Cool another Dub here! Waves. Anyway I always think people kissing in puplic look extremly wierd, never got the point at all.

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Shinnok

Not worth the emotional pain afterwards, meaning a "I'm gonna turn my back on you now" attitude from the other person. That did it for me. It ain't worth it at all.

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Kallan
I guess our hearts are supposed to race and feel warm inside with "I hope this lasts forever" thoughts

Well I'm asexual, but that's what it's like for me. Of course that's true of any physical contact with someone I love.

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ConspiracyDawg

I gess it ges like this:

asexuals: "ooh, i'm kissing!"

sexuals: "ooh, i'm kissing, therefore sex is soon to follow!"

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Hallucigenia
I gess it ges like this:

asexuals: "ooh, i'm kissing!"

sexuals: "ooh, i'm kissing, therefore sex is soon to follow!"

No, that's not accurate at all.

Well, okay, maybe that's what's happening to sexuals on an unconscious biological level, but as a sexual I can guarantee you that most sexuals enjoy kisses even if they know they aren't going to get laid that day.

Why? Because they feel good and are expressions of various emotions, some of which are sexual.

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Arwen

Personally, I love kissing. It is like oral sex you can have in public without getting arrested. It is close, warm, intimate and arousing. What's not to like - either as a prelude to more or as an end in itself?

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-V-

I don't kiss much, any open mouth kissing generally turns my gf on too much and she gets annoyed at me if sex isn't going to be immediate.

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WendyO

I love to be deeply kissed. To smell the face of the person kissing me. To taste his tounge. Knowing that this may be the time that something more may come to me via his tounge. That is what Im thinking.

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Truth07

I'm a sexual that is engaged to an asexual and have wondered about this subject for a while... the difference between what a sexual and an asexual thinks during an intimate moment.

My fiance and I have barely held hands, let alone kissed. I have told him I will never force him to do something he is uncomfortable with, and I have kept my word. I say this and all the while I feel like I am dying inside because I crave his touch and his lips on mine but I would NEVER want him to kiss me out of obligation. I know that it will be hard, but he is amazing and quite worth it. But, oh! what I would do for just one kiss!

For me, a kiss is something so incredibly intimate and I absolutely agree with the person that said the thing about their head getting fuzzy. It's everything combined that makes the moment... the smell of their skin, the taste of their lips, their hand on my face. For one brief moment you forget the world and think only of that person and your heart begins to race until you feel it will beat out of your chest.

Not all sexuals think a kiss is a prelude to sex. Some are quite satisfied with a small dose of affection and (if done correctly and not out of obligation) it can be quite beautiful, really.

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mdw

I don't think, I feel.

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zoes ken

and if you're in love and aroused it can be "I have to get closer to her."

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Nastuki

I wouldn't know since I get understand how eople WANT to have sex... but then again a quick question, how do asexual are suppose feel when they kiss compared to sexuals??

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baleyn07

Ooh, I like this topic! I've always wondered what I was supposed to be thinking about. I've often, in the midst of that passionate, pre-coital kissing, simply thought "this heavy breathing thing is so unattractive!" and frequently, "does s/he really think this is turning me on?" Lol.... I think that everyone thinks different things while kissing, and that's what makes it what it is with each different person. :shrug:

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mouri_shin

ppl sometimes ask me what i'm thinking when they're kissing me and i guess i was hoping for a canned answer from you guys... o.O

as for me... depends on the person more for me than maybe for others... if i feel that they're kissing me in a desperate attempt to 'save' our relationship or get closer to me than i care for then i get that disgusted shiver...

back on topic: actual / welcomed/ initiated kisses are emotional to me so i can see where purely sexual ppl would want to attribute it to emotion rather than straight 'arousal'.

i think we've reached an interesting point in that even sexuals seem repulsed by the idea that kisses are an 'ok, we have sex now' *in really poor Russian accent* more than a 'squee happiness with person' o.o

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