Does Longing Fade with age? need some help

[violeteyedsoul]

BAH! I'm 26 years old, male, and I have so much love to share, and no one to do so with on a personal level. I'm going insane over it, I have stomach trouble over it. I drive with the windows down and scream over it. I throw myself into my work to drown it out. I really don't know what to say to you, but if you do long for someone, repressing it will make you explode! Just look at me, I'm so close to that now.

You sound like a DEAD STAMP of me.

*SIGH!*

Esp. the way I was just a bit ago.

Now that I've been hurt so badly I'm THANKFULLY N U M B.

JUST N U M B.

I'm RELIVED AND GRATEFUL for the Numbness,now.

*BIG HEAVING SIGH!*

...

...

Usually I'd say that maybe WE should like keep each other company.

It'd make my Mom happy. I know.

LOL!

:-D

*goes off to corner to cry* lol :-D

[Ryan Pawz]

I try not to cry unless Ive fallen to the very edge of hopelessness. I have cried once in a depressive state. I came close right before I found AVEN.

I want to right now, but I wont for some reason. I'm too strong sometimes, its a burden.

Ive been looking to friends for comfort, and tho they say they are happy to hear my woes, I feel like I really shouldn't be dropping my problems on them.

I have one friend that dumps on me, and he tells me that he is sorry for it. Well you know, I really enjoy being a problem dump, and I tell him to let go if it, and tell me all about whatever he needs to get out. Then I try to give out the ancient wisdom I have floating around in my head somehow.

GAH! Anyway, lean on me, I'm here.

Cheers luvly!

[drivenbynature]

Well, I have to say it's far worse to be with someone and feel lonely than vice versa. Sometimes I've never felt lonelier than when my spouse is home and I can hear his TV blaring and we have nothing in common anymore. I personally love being by myself, holidays or not. I prefer the companionship of my pets over anyone human. But there was a time (I am now 50) when the opposite was true. I think I've just matured out of it. I think it would be nice some times to have someone with my interests who just happened to be male and not have testosterone problems who I could garden or travel occasionally with without the baggage of ?sex? hanging over our heads.

[des3]

With me it has been the opposite. I didn't want a relationship but IF I could have one without sex I would want one. I thought the whole thing was absurd before. But I realize at an older age it might be more possible. Some older people lose the drive for sex and don't miss it so much.

But it is not a longing fo the sort that maybe you are describing. I have Asperger's so I am not sure maybe I have just developed to where I want to have a more committed relationship.

OTOH, there is nothing worse than a bad relationship like this. Just about everyone I know has been divorced.

--des

[rhyven]

for me, as the years clip by, i have come to enjoy my loving friends all the more but i still hold out hope for that ONE who will embrace the me that i am.

but even as the years flow by and show that the a's i have met are mostly female, that silly hope still prevails.

tonight it is raining and i sip wine alone.

as i sip through the hazy night, i cannot help but wonder if it is true what people say = that there is someone for everyone. i want to think that there is a someone out there like me who will appreciate my warts and three heads... i'm crossing my fingers through the years. i am still holding onto hope.

[Aquarius]

I'm nearly 41 and still wishing I weren't so alone. I don't think that will ever stop for me. I do think it's partly a personality thing.

However, it may have a lot to do with how happy you are in other areas of your life. If I had a life that made me happy, I probably wouldn't dwell on being lonely.

[baleyn07]

I'm like Ryan Pawz. I'm young and full of love. Wishing desperately for someone to let me love them, and for someone to love me. Love is so grand! My advice would be to give it out like candy--to everyone you meet and just revel in the love that you have to give. Make sure to keep some for yourself! ;)

[Sally]

I placed this on another topic page yesterday but think this is more appropriate (although as I said yesterday, they're all appropriate in some way or other). Apologies to those who are reading it twice or who may have already replied on the other page.

So---some months ago I wrote a letter to a sexual man I've had a 30+-year relationship with (which was off and on for years and rather troubled for many reasons) describing my rather late discovery that I'm an asexual, and have had all the signs of that since I was a child. He did not take it well. I can understand that since he probably can't believe anything that happened with us now, since he didn't realize that was the case. (I was a pretty good actress, I guess.) I've tried to explain that I didn't know there was such an orientation, that I was trying to be "normal" because I wanted to continue to be with him, and that I still love him and want to be whatever I can -- hopefully friends, if not a significant other.

Tonight -- News Years Eve -- he decided that he didn't want us to be together because he just can't deal with this, and New Years just reminds him of what he thought was "real" and apparently wasn't, and isn't.

I can't think of what to do. I almost wish I hadn't told him, and yet I had to -- I just couldn't keep up the sex business anymore. He's quite a self-involved guy, and even though he's pretty old now still sees himself as a very sexual being. He says he feels that he's been forced into a "reevaluation" of his entire life as a man. I feel he's making it all about him, especially since he's presented me with a number of rather difficult situations over the years. I've assimilated what I've learned about him; why can't he do the same? And yet I know that's not realistic.

Any advice? I think I've read that others have faced this. Yeesh.

[roddy9uk]

.......... I feel he's making it all about him, especially since he's presented me with a number of rather difficult situations over the years. I've assimilated what I've learned about him; why can't he do the same? And yet I know that's not realistic. ............

Basically that says it all to me. It can take a long time before you see that give and take ,means you give and he takes (or vice versa..my wife of 16 years divorced me for much the same reason).

What can I say but that in time the pain recedes? If you can look at yourself in the mirror and know that you were being honest then it will fade faster.

roddy

[Sally]

Thanks, Roddy. I think the hardest thing about this is that I am close to being truly old and was hoping that he and I could be together the rest of our lives. He is my oldest friend, along with being my significant other. I'm unfortunately a romantic A -- so I really miss that kind of feeling. Over the many years I've "managed" to keep the relationship going because I apparently need it, or think I need it. Now it seems I'm in a situation where I can't manage it anymore, all because I was honest as soon as I learned this new (but old) thing about who I am.

But then who said life was fair.

[roddy9uk]

Sally

I had to "re-start" life at 50 with two no-longer resident children (they are 17 now) to consider.

I might add that a few "personal gifts" that I discovered in my office over a period ened up in the nearby river. Some things just have to be cleared out. :)

roddy

[deb]

For some of us longing doesn't ever seem to disappear completely. I'm 55 and it seems like it is most difficult around the holidays, most holidays are so couples oriented. I Spend time with family, but you don't have any one to share intimacy (not sexual intimacy) with. I'm getting at the age where my two very dear friends and lifelong mentors have passed away. It would be nice to be able to connect with someone else on a much deeper level. I agree with one of the other posts, that a lot of us are antisocial as well. For me, that comes mostly from difficulties that arise when trying to meet someone in the general population because if a relationship is established than the other one most often will have the expectation of sex. So it's just easier to stay home, do things alone because I don't want to deal with that constant pressure to have sex.

[AngelLepus]

I'm 50 years old and I've been married to my husband for 18 years. We have two sons, the youngest is 17 and almost on his own. And I can tell you that the grass is NOT always greener over here. I have been unhappily having sex for the last 10 years and just today found this site. OMG, there are other people out there like me. But you're right, the married couples look at the single people and envy them and the single people envy the married couples. I often think I am better suited to be on my own rather than gritting my teeth and trying to force my way through the occasional sexual encounter. I long for a day when I won't have the sexual pressure from a partner and I will no longer have to listen to him say, "What's wrong with you? Why don't you want sex?" I just don't. I can't see that ever changing. I don't think there's anything wrong WITH me, I'm just in a situation that is wrong FOR me. You're better off being alone than being with someone that demands something you simply can't give. But then maybe your four-leaf clover is just around the corner and you can find a kind, amusing companion that appreciates you for everything else that you are.

[< retired >]

I once heard someone say that introverts 'energize' when they are alone, while extroverts 'energize' with other people. This struck a chord, because I've always loved being alone. On the other hand, I haven't had any trouble sustaining LTRs as long as I've had a 'refuge' where I could get away from my SO for awhile. So, I don't pine for a SO, but I'm open to the possibility.

[Sally]

Love that Shandling quote!

I changed my "avatar" from elephants to Tatiana, the gorgeous SF Zoo tiger that was killed after she escaped and attacked three men who were taunting her and throwing stuff at her. Everyone's at fault except Tatiana: zoo for having a low wall enclosure; guys for taunting her; cops for shooting her with bullets instead of something that would put her to sleep. Really makes me sick.

[< retired >]

...I am close to being truly old...

Some people are trying to fix up my 95 year old grandmother with a guy who lives nearby. He's 105. When my grandmother heard about the plan, she spat out in disgust, "Forget it. The guy just wants someone to take care of him."

Old? Well, everything is relative... :lol:

[Tanwen]

And your relative is pretty old... :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Sally]

OK, I'll not call myself "old" anymore. Great that your grandmother ahs enough of a mind left at 95 to know she doesn't want to take care of some geezer.

[< retired >]

...Great that your grandmother has enough of a mind left at 95...

Talking to my grandmother is fun. Example conversation:

Me: "Grandmother, what do you think of George Bush?"

GM: "He's an idiot."

Me: "What do you think of the Iraq War?"

GM: "It's a complete disaster."

Me: "Who do you like for President in 2008?"

GM: "Obama. Clinton isn't electable."

She's an opinionated lady. :lol: :lol:

[Sally]

Wow -- I completely agree with your grandmother on everything! I certainly hope she votes in November.

[KetchupKid]

I'm 36, and despite hating 'claustrophobic' companionship, would have been very upset indeed in my 20s at the thought of never falling in love/finding a 'soul' mate. Thankfully, I am somewhat less romantic now and can live without it, and sometimes feel decidedly aromantic.

But...........every now and then, usually when lying in bed at night, the longing all comes flooding back with a vengeance, and stabs me like a dagger in the heart for a few seconds or minutes..... then quickly disappears again. In a funny kind of way I'm glad of those moments, but thank god they don't last.