Perspective question on partners

[Aisha]

Hi all - 

I'm curious how those of you looking for a romantic relationship would respond to someone who does not identify as asexual by orientation, but is exclusively looking for an asexual partner. There are many topics about the relationships between asexual and sexual people, or asexual and asexual people. But not much on the relationships between those who are asexual by orientation, and relationships with people who are not asexual by orientation but may not be interested in sex for other reasons. 

Thoughts? 

[,.,]

,

[ubereatsme]

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all because I've found that matching someone on the desire for no sex doesn't seem to correlate with People who use an asexual label. I'd just tell them that I have found better matches when I seek out people who are content not to have sex in their relationships. 

 

Not all of those people use an asexual label, and weirdly, not all people who do use the label asexual want a sexless relationship. They want sexual intimacy with their partner. 

 

It's a pretty meaningless term now, sadly. 

 

I get why a person who isn't asexual but doesn't want sex might think asexuals are their best bet, though.

[Aisha]

Quote

 It would be too much of a risk to be in a relationship with someone where suddenly, a year or so in, they decide that they want sex after-all, and then the whole thing would fall apart.  And then if you can't provide them what they want they might start looking elsewhere for that satisfaction...

I thought this might be a concern. And I can see why, if the preference is temporary. 

But there are plenty of other reasons someone may be permanently not interested in sex, other than asexuality, that is not a fad, and will not change. Take those myriad illnesses or other conditions which make sex ununjoyable to painful to impossible. In such cases there is often no cure, and the person may even have been born with the condition, and may not have known any other way to be. It doesn't necessarily make them asexual by orientation, because there may have been no way to know. Others may have had injuries which put them in the same position. These people may struggle with relationships with sexual people for the same reasons as asexuals. Sex just isn't enjoyable or possible, but sexual oriented partners will always want it and will eventually leave/not be interested in them if they're not getting it. 

There may also be those whose life experiences have turned them off it completely, to the point of not wanting anything to do with it. Then there's those who choose to abstain for a whole host of lifestyle choices and philosophical reasons, from religion to mental and even physical health preferences. This category may also struggle in relationships with sexual people. 

None of these groups necessarily aren't interested in love, though. In intimacy, or companionship, or having a life partner. 

I often think though the dating pool of asexual people may be small, there may be others who don't identify as such who want the same things for different reasons. 

[,.,]

.