Race Play

[Eutierria]

I didn't know it was standard for some people to share their kink list on dating sites & learned that race play is a thing - it makes me feel very uncomfortable. 

 

I try not to yuck other people's yum but as someone who recently was in a meeting outside of my professional life in improving equality, diversity & inclusion where decisions will be made based off of these discussions on a UK & potentially international level...it makes me feel ill. 

 

Trying to learn more about the sexual world is my way to desensitise myself to such reactions but I don't think I can with this one. It feels so deeply rooted in racism & hatred. 

 

Interested to learn from findings by others where something has shocked you & whether you felt a dilemma within your life & also perspectives from the other side where you may practice a certain kink that might be considered taboo by others & how it works for you. 

[Guest]

I'm going to have to say this one is weird to me too. And im a jaded, cynical bastard!😂 Since a lot of kink deals with power relations, adding race seems...unseemly? I don't like what this one seems to point toward. 

[Guest]

But then turn around the power dynamic and you could get some weird catharsis, where the person who is in the less powerful position gets revenge on the more powerful person...I don't its just baffling to me. 

[iff]

2 hours ago, Eutierria said:

I didn't know it was standard for some people to share their kink list on dating sites & learned that race play is a thing - it makes me feel very uncomfortable

For me, it would be a dating red flag

[Snao Cone]

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

 

It's kind of moot for me to not like it from a relationship standpoint, but even talking or hearing about it makes me uncomfortable. I have a very high tolerance for TMI subjects, including kinks, but this is not a TMI subject so much as it is a potential excuse for people to act out power fantasies. I think people should be very concerned and cautious going into this, especially if it's a white person (or other ethnicities in different parts of the world with their own inequalities).

[Ceebs]

Man, where do I start. There are so many kinks I've found pretty disturbing, but none have actually led to personal dilemmas. More just deep discomfort at the idea.

 

I can very much understand why race play is a difficult kink to get one's head round, and I sure as hell wouldn't ever be comfortable with it on a personal level. I just couldn't do it. Very hard no.

 

Anything involving poo is one I have trouble comprehending. And age play where one person acts very... er, underage. Another hard no. Even terms like 'daddy' and 'mummy' make me uneasy in that context, and they're super common. 

 

I guess some people probably feel uncomfortable with some of the stuff that I like, although it's all pretty common when it comes to the world of kink and not particularly 'out there' compared to a lot of other things. I've found certain feminist spaces online really hostile towards BDSM, especially the D/s part, with a man being more dominant and a woman being submissive. You know, stuff like women who are into that are totally brainwashed by the patriarchy and don't even know their own desires because what they think they like is just the product of male sexuality dominating our culture. Frankly I don't care what it's a product of lol. If it's a product of that, fine, but that doesn't make me brainwashed. I know I'm consenting and I could not possibly be more safe and it's fun to play around with, and if my brain happens to get off on some slightly taboo shit it doesn't mean anything about me otherwise (or about my partner, and honestly I've been more the one to initiate that dynamic, so). It's been really helpful in becoming even more comfortable with my sexuality and parts of myself I used to suppress and be afraid of.

[Windmills of My Mind]

I'm obviously very very green in all things kink. I totally misinterpreted the term "race play" and imagined it to be a race between partners (like towards orgasm), in a playful way.

 

For one thing I could not understand why anyone would do that (I strongly prefer to take the time, draw things out). But also, in the OP I did not find clues about an entirely different interpretation. Homonyms can be bitchy. Only several posts down things began to dawn on me. It was like one of those pictures in which one can see two entirely different things, depending how you look at it. First time it switches around can be rather confusing.

[Eutierria]

2 hours ago, Windmills of My Mind said:

strongly prefer to take the time, draw things out

Is that called 'edging'? 

 

2 hours ago, Windmills of My Mind said:

Only several posts down things began to dawn on me. It was like one of those pictures in which one can see two entirely different things, depending how you look at it. First time it switches around can be rather confusing.

I might need to figure out how to make posts even clearer...🤔 How would you re-write the OP so that it's easier to understand? 

[Karekare]

I try not to kinkshame to the best of my ability, and so does my partner, but race play is definitely something that leaves the two of us really uncomfortable, especially considering we're both POC (he's black, and I'm mixed southeast asian and native american). Like you said, I don't wanna yuck on other peoples yam, but something about the concept of getting aroused by racial dynamics is extremely unsettling to me, and I feel like in a lot of cases it's used to justify and reinforce certain dynamics OUTSIDE of a bedroom one. Not to mention both me and my partner are from racial+gender demographics that are highly sexualized on its own.

 

Definitely a hard no of involvement for me and hopefully my friends as well.

[Skycaptain]

Given that interracial sex is fetishised in the porn industry, that it happens in kink and role play doesn't surprise me. It's an extension of artistes "blacking up" (a now frowned upon practice in the entertainment industry).

Can't say that I'd want to get involved, but if done between consenting adults in private then each to their own 

[Windmills of My Mind]

19 hours ago, Eutierria said:

Is that called 'edging'?

Not necessarily. The next bit may be a bit TMI for some. Please skip if you don't want to know the nitty gritty details.

 

Spoiler

Edging is indeed one way of drawing things out, but it refers specifically to where a person brings him/herself to the edge of orgasm but just about there and not crossing that thin line, the point of no return which inevitably leads to an orgasm. I do like that, for me it is a very intense and enjoyable state to be in, staying there for a while longer is nice (that is an understatement). And the delayed orgasm can be way more intense compared to one that is reached at a much faster pace.

 

But extensive foreplay and/or prolonged and very easy going intercourse, where both partners remain aroused for a longer period of time but not necessarily on the brink of orgasm, that is very enjoyable as well to me. Edging is a bit more risky, more specifically when you are not one of these people who can continue straight through an orgasm and then keep on going at it. Way back when I was younger this was easy. Now, as for most penis owners, I have a more distinct "refractory period". This means I cannot maintain an erection after an orgasm (just for a short while, and that takes continuous stimulation, which is tricky because my parts are then also quite sensitive). And once the erection fades away, it will take a while before I can do that again. Vulva owners see more variety there. Some can just keep on going from one orgasm onto the next, repeatedly. Others are done after one, with the body parts involved being too sensitive for quite a while. And the mind satisfied to completion. Cuddle and sleep may often follow.

 

19 hours ago, Eutierria said:

I might need to figure out how to make posts even clearer...🤔 How would you re-write the OP so that it's easier to understand? 

Perhaps I am the only one for which this applies, so perhaps you need not bother. All the other responses in your thread indicate that people know what you are talking about. But none of the other posts contains a clear definition of race play, either. I kind of deduced from the wording of the entire thread, still not entirely sure though. It has to do with race, as in colour of skin and eyes and such, and dominant/sub dynamics.

 

And just to be clear: I did not mean to criticize you, it was just an observation. But if you'd want to be sure, you might want to include a definition or description of what race play entails. I had no idea. But then again as mentioned I am green in most things kink. And I am not a native speaker, which doesn't help either when discussion strays away from mainstream subjects. Let's just say that AVEN has seriously extended my vocabulary 😄

[Eutierria]

1 hour ago, Windmills of My Mind said:

Not necessarily. The next bit may be a bit TMI for some. Please skip if you don't want to know the nitty gritty details.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Edging is indeed one way of drawing things out, but it refers specifically to where a person brings him/herself to the edge of orgasm but just about there and not crossing that thin line, the point of no return which inevitably leads to an orgasm. I do like that, for me it is a very intense and enjoyable state to be in, staying there for a while longer is nice (that is an understatement). And the delayed orgasm can be way more intense compared to one that is reached at a much faster pace.

 

But extensive foreplay and/or prolonged and very easy going intercourse, where both partners remain aroused for a longer period of time but not necessarily on the brink of orgasm, that is very enjoyable as well to me. Edging is a bit more risky, more specifically when you are not one of these people who can continue straight through an orgasm and then keep on going at it. Way back when I was younger this was easy. Now, as for most penis owners, I have a more distinct "refractory period". This means I cannot maintain an erection after an orgasm (just for a short while, and that takes continuous stimulation, which is tricky because my parts are then also quite sensitive). And once the erection fades away, it will take a while before I can do that again. Vulva owners see more variety there. Some can just keep on going from one orgasm onto the next, repeatedly. Others are done after one, with the body parts involved being too sensitive for quite a while. And the mind satisfied to completion. Cuddle and sleep may often follow.

 

Perhaps I am the only one for which this applies, so perhaps you need not bother. All the other responses in your thread indicate that people know what you are talking about. But none of the other posts contains a clear definition of race play, either. I kind of deduced from the wording of the entire thread, still not entirely sure though. It has to do with race, as in colour of skin and eyes and such, and dominant/sub dynamics.

 

And just to be clear: I did not mean to criticize you, it was just an observation. But if you'd want to be sure, you might want to include a definition or description of what race play entails. I had no idea. But then again as mentioned I am green in most things kink. And I am not a native speaker, which doesn't help either when discussion strays away from mainstream subjects. Let's just say that AVEN has seriously extended my vocabulary 😄

Thanks for explaining - your one sounds pleasant (also thanks for hiding it for TMI people). I *love* to learn about anything so it tends not to bother me so much. 

 

Re the wording, don't worry, I didn't see it like that. I didn't want to add in a definition as I only learned about it recently & not sure I'd get it right but assumed those who are in the know will be able to inform what I need to know (which has happened here). 

 

My vocab for ace-related terminology has also increased because of AVEN 🥳

 

 

[Windmills of My Mind]

49 minutes ago, Eutierria said:

Thanks for explaining - your one sounds pleasant (also thanks for hiding it for TMI people). I *love* to learn about anything so it tends not to bother me so much.

You're welcome. Yes, for me it is beyond pleasant indeed. It can be very intense, in a very positive way

 

49 minutes ago, Eutierria said:

My vocab for ace-related terminology has also increased because of AVEN 🥳

 

My thinking was mostly along the lines of my vocab for sex-related terminology 😄