What am I? Confusing attractions & little desire for sex

[satinnyx]

Sorry, I know this kind of question probably gets old but my research is confusing me.

 

Basically I'm AFAB, cis, realised my attraction to women about 5 years ago, so have been identifying as bi since I was 15.

 

Around 6 months ago I realised that if I was ever "talking" to men, I didn't want anything to progress past the initial meeting and exchanging of details (which was usually chatting at a club) so the few times I've started texting with men to "get to know them", about a day later, I'm suddenly uncomfortable and I immediately block or ghost them. So since that epiphany I've identified as a lesbian, because I've always been happy to talk to women in that way, I don't enjoy the idea of a relationship with a man and I like kissing girls lol

 

But my sexual attraction...I've never met anyone who I've wanted to have sex with, even if they "turn me on" I wouldn't want to do it, whether they're male or female or other, whether I've been romantically attracted to them or not. I have this one really intense celebrity crush (a man) who is basically the only person I can imagine wanting sex with. I'm thinking that's just some kind of parasocial relationship thing (is it, if I'm self-aware?? anyway) so I'm not sure if that counts. I get horny when watching or reading sexual material and masturbate fairly regularly, but the thought of sex with anyone (except that celebrity 😭) grosses me out.

 

Please help :")

[Curious Crow]

Hi satinnyx

 

I'm not sure I can help you answer your question because I am also really new to this line of thought, this forum and to the very concept of asexuality - still very much questioning.

 

I just replied to say: I totally understand (and I'm sure a lot of people here do). I get sexually aroused as a result of particular media, but I cannot imagine partnered sex, it makes me uncomfortable. 

 

I guess I just want to say that it's alright to take time and figure it out slowly. In fact, the kind people on this forum are making me realize that. 

 

Here are some things I've been thinking about at the moment:

 

I'm not sure it's a very direct path to discovering your sexuality. I believe some individuals 'try on' associating with a sexual orientation (for ex: graysexual) that seems to fit right and then try to see how well one's experiences match the same (well, close) and either stay with it it try to find out what fits better. Or maybe one could make up a set of questions for oneself and try to answer them based on experiences and reactions to situations. 

 

I thought of putting a set of my questions to myself, but I do not want to bias you in any way. But if you wanna talk about it, newbie to newbie, DM me. 

 

Take care

[satinnyx]

Hey @Curious Crow thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I think you've helped me see an issue with myself in that I often immediately try to label myself so I know which lovely little boxes I fit into, but you're totally right - it's a journey. If I end up wanting a chat I'll definitely reach out, for now thanks again for putting my mind at ease!