Tool1989 Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Hey! Normally I wouldn't post this, but I got the time and not a lot of other things are being posted. I came to this realization today that I have lost a lot of my friends because I don't really go to parties and don't do a lot of the stuff they do (get drunk by sending somebody older to get beers, dancing with random girls, talking about which girls are hot and what girls aren't, etc). Yes I do want a relationship, but I just guess I'm gonna give up. I seriously doubt that there are people out there for me just because of how different I am from society and how strong my beliefs are. I can barely hold up friendships because they don't have the same beliefs as I do! So yeah.....I don't know what to do anymore cuz I feel so alone. Every girl that likes me I don't like cuz they are almost the complete opposite of me and every girl I do like doesn't like me! Link to post Share on other sites
BleedingThrough Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 What you just said describes me too. I don't drink alcohol which is what so many of my friends do all the time. They love to party. Even on school nights. Somehow they manage to get good grades though. It's hard to find people to start a relationship with. Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted October 8, 2007 Author Share Posted October 8, 2007 I know.....I want to find people on here that want to go out with me in Hamilton, but nobody really does. One has completely opposite beliefs than me and the other doesn't like me....but the one that doesn't like me still wants to be my friend :) I guess thats an upside. But still.....I want to share my life with somebody who loves me and I love them back and we both respect each other and nobody live near here. I live in Hamilton Ontario (which is in Canada :P). Link to post Share on other sites
VicariousScot Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 You basically described me. I have lost almost all of my friends because of this. I am a fairly introvert person...but only because they do stuff I really don't care about. Just last week I was asked if I wanted to go into the City Centre to hit on random girls...erm, no thanks. Oh and hooray for Tool :D One of my favourite bands! Link to post Share on other sites
AliceInWonderland Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Hi tool and Bleed. I don't mean to be a busy body, but I can't help it. Ontario and Mass. aren't that far away from each other on a map - hint, hint. :D Link to post Share on other sites
User Name Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 One has completely opposite beliefs than me and the other doesn't like me....but the one that doesn't like me still wants to be my friend :) I guess thats an upside. You obviously don't mean that she hates you, she just doesn't have romantic feelings for you? In any case, be friends with the ones that you like that don't have the same feelings for you, be friends with the ones that have feelings for you that you don't have for them, don't be friends with the ones that have different interests than you as that won't do you any good. You never know what could happen, as they have friends that you'll potentially meet, and who knows... I have romantic feelings for my friend that she doesn't return, but she's the best friend I could ever ask for in my life, she unfortunately is like me with only a small group of friends. It sucks having those feelings for someone knowing that she will eventually meet and end up with someone else, but I'll be happy as long as she's a part of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted October 8, 2007 Author Share Posted October 8, 2007 Yeah....do any girls/guys live near Hamilton/Ontario? I really wanna meet friends (or a girlfriend...maybe) that think the similar things that I do cuz in truth, this website is pretty much all I have. Link to post Share on other sites
jr1 Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Maybe you could join or start a new club at school. you could go to meetup.com and type your interests in with your area code Link to post Share on other sites
endplusone Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 I'm from Hamilton! Not currently living in the city though, but I was just home to see the family. I know exactly how you feel. I came to this realization two years ago when my group of friends got together for a farewell party, as we were all parting to go off in different directions. I reflected on the situation and realized that I didn't feel like I belonged. I was there physically, but not necessarily emotionally, because I couldn't open up to them fully and felt like I couldn't relate. Quite a few of my friends did the whole drugs and alcohol scene, and I felt left out of that as well. It was really hard to realize that the past decade was shallow, and somewhat of a relief to know that I was moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 I don't know your believes, but I want to spread a little bit of hope. Once you get older the avoidance of alcohol becomes more "normal". Dancing: If you don't like the random girls, start learning the ball room stuff or rock 'n roll / whatever on competition level and get a partner for that. It aint wrong, raises your general attractivity and usually there aren't any sexual strings attached... - 2 decades ago in Germany males were rare in the teen dancing scene and girls seemed far from slutty there. About believes: OK I have only few, but I have my limitations like the law or ethics. I respect others (read: I accept their lack of my limitations) and act humble, trying hard to laugh about myself before the others do. If necessarry I sell my lack of criminal or sinful energy as a light case of mental disability. Link to post Share on other sites
BleedingThrough Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Hi tool and Bleed.I don't mean to be a busy body, but I can't help it. Ontario and Mass. aren't that far away from each other on a map - hint, hint. :D Ooh cool. Where are you from? Link to post Share on other sites
Haunter Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 You basically described me. I have lost almost all of my friends because of this. I am a fairly introvert person...but only because they do stuff I really don't care about. Yep! It's like reading my own post. :P I completly relate to that... Link to post Share on other sites
AliceInWonderland Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Hi tool and Bleed.I don't mean to be a busy body, but I can't help it. Ontario and Mass. aren't that far away from each other on a map - hint, hint. :D Ooh cool. Where are you from? Hi BleedingThrough. I was hinting that maybe you and Tool could meet up, but I think I should have worded it better than I did, though - sorry for confusion. I hope you and Tool can find new friends on this site. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Shouri Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I'm so there with you. Everyone at work ignores me now when making plans since they know I don't like bars or parties ><it>< Link to post Share on other sites
BleedingThrough Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Hi tool and Bleed.I don't mean to be a busy body, but I can't help it. Ontario and Mass. aren't that far away from each other on a map - hint, hint. :D Ooh cool. Where are you from? Hi BleedingThrough. I was hinting that maybe you and Tool could meet up, but I think I should have worded it better than I did, though - sorry for confusion. I hope you and Tool can find new friends on this site. Good luck! Lol sorry. I'm a spaz. :P Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted October 10, 2007 Author Share Posted October 10, 2007 Isn't the USA kinda far away though :? Link to post Share on other sites
BleedingThrough Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 I think so. :P Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted October 10, 2007 Author Share Posted October 10, 2007 Well I'm only 18 and I don't got a car :( so if you wanna visit, you'd have to come all the way up here! Link to post Share on other sites
Apophyllite Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Hey Tool. I can definitely relate to not being into partying, drinking, talking about "hot" people, etc. Back in highschool (before I'd completely given up on having friends) I was different from the ones I had because I couldn't relate to their interest in guys (I wasn't completely uniterested- I had crushes, rare as they were, but it was about the actual person himself, not his "hotness" or the fact that he's male and it'd increase one's social status to have a bf). I was the one with "extremely high" standards, in that I valued things such as equality and who the guy is as a person (why those are considered high, I'll never know..but I wouldn't settle for less, that's for sure). I never tried to sexually attract a guy, as I wouldn't want someone I could get in that way. It seems like a lot of the girls I went to school with could bond over things like thinking the same guys were hot and trying to attract them- something that seemed completely superficial and pointless to me- but it gave them something to talk about. I never had anything to say in those conversations... As annoying as I thought the people I went to school with were at the time, I was never presured to do anything I didn't want to do. I don't know if the majority just weren't that bad, or if people just knew that I wasn't into that stuff and didn't even bother trying..or maybe you have to actually be friends with people before they'll try to peer pressure you, and the ones I were friends with weren't like that. Yes I do want a relationship, but I just guess I'm gonna give up. I seriously doubt that there are people out there for me just because of how different I am from society and how strong my beliefs are.I can really relate to this too- feeling like there's no out there because I'm so different from society; and at the moment I'm really not sure what to do about it. I think for me a lot of it is that I haven't actually been able to believe that there can be someone out there for me- I mean, theoretically, yes, of course it's possible. But do I think it will actually happen? I think a part of me doesn't believe it to be so...but that's just me...Have you tried getting to know some of the girls who like you? Maybe they're not as opposite as you think? If you really want a relationship, be open to different people, as you could end up having a connection with someone you didn't expect (but of course, you'll have to be compatible). Link to post Share on other sites
Chiaroscuro Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 I felt much the same as you do when I was 18, Tool. The difference is I was desperately sexual. I didn't like drinking, or parties, or any of that. I had a small circle of friends (other guys mostly, and some girls who I liked but wasn't "interested" in). I was shy and felt very lonely and sad a lot of the time. I'm sure identifying as asexual makes it that much harder (as it would identifying as homosexual, I imagine), but you're living through difficult years right now. I know it's hard to imagine, but you won't always feel this way. And with asexuality becoming more well-known in the general public, hopefully it won't be so hard to hook up with folks who feel the same way. *hugs* -Chiaroscuro Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 I'm just very amused when you consider: http://asexuality.org/discussion/viewtopic...p=744939#744939 Is this a dating website or something? http://asexuality.org/discussion/viewtopic...ghlight=#744547 sheesh is this a dating website or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted October 12, 2007 Author Share Posted October 12, 2007 Sometimes it seriously feels like it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaronTheCat Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 I don't like parties either, and yes, not going to parties is an easy method to lose friends :? When I meet new people they often seem to think I'm a nice/fun person until they find out that I A)don't drink and B)don't fuck. I guess they believe a person must be either boring or inhuman if (s)he does't like such things. Link to post Share on other sites
BleedingThrough Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 ^I don't drink or have sex either. Stupid men keep pressuring me to do both at parties so I don't go. Parties usually aren't fun anyway. It's just for people to get drunk and hook up! Link to post Share on other sites
Blueflare Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I can't stand parties normally, but if I drink then they're fun (though almost everything is fun drunk). Though if you're not into that I can see how it would be hard to find friends who would understand... I have friends who don't drink and I would never dream of trying to make them. I guess you just have to find someone who respects your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Nugan Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 ^I don't drink or have sex either. ... Parties usually aren't fun anyway. It's just for people to get drunk and hook up! Ditto. Parties and bars are also oppressively full of people and the noises that people make. Dealing with one person at a time in an unstructured environment is often too much for me. Dealing with a swarm is just unbearable. Link to post Share on other sites
Reconizize Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 When I meet new people they often seem to think I'm a nice/fun person until they find out that I A)don't drink and B)don't fuck. I understand completly. I'm usually the only sober person at parties and somethimes I think I'm the only virgin left in New York. UHHH... But I don't really loose friends over it because I don't let that stop me from meeting people and getting to know them outside of thier "habits". Sometimes that person who is drunk everynight might not be that bad when the're sober - considering that they do take the time to get sober. Link to post Share on other sites
Apophyllite Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 ^I don't drink or have sex either. ... Parties usually aren't fun anyway. It's just for people to get drunk and hook up! Ditto. Parties and bars are also oppressively full of people and the noises that people make. Dealing with one person at a time in an unstructured environment is often too much for me. Dealing with a swarm is just unbearable. agreed. ..though I used to like parties, back in middle school when I would have them (but that was before everyone starting drinking and having sex) Link to post Share on other sites
BleedingThrough Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 ^Yea parties before all that were fun. Sometimes I still wish I was little. Link to post Share on other sites
reptilelover Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Well, firstly I have to say that I think you have a rather strange definition for the term "friend". :? People that leave you because you do not "really go to parties and don't do a lot of the stuff they do" are not (and never were) your friends in the first place. I would actually call that "acquaintances with benefits" :mrgreen: rather then friends. If you lost a lot of "friends" over trivial stuff like that, it seems to me you've never had that many friends in the first place... Secondly, you are not that strange for not wanting to dwell in stuffy, noisy, crowded places or not liking to get drunk, dancing/doing whatever else with random strangers exc. In fact, your behavior is completely normal - it is people who engage in the mentioned activities that do, in fact, have a problem. Just think about it - what was the environment we evolved in? I'll give you a hint and tell you what it was not - stuffy, noisy and crowded. The same goes with strangers - by instinct you should be a bit on guard around people you do not know, not engage in intimate bonding rituals with them! You are most certainly not the only (asexual or otherwise) one who thinks like that. 8) And thirdly to adress the "I like her but she doesn't like me" part. Um.. How long exactly have you known the person you "like"/"don't like" (by the way, you should define here what you mean by "like"). We've already established you do not have much friends so I am just curious. I certainly hope it's not one of those "I don't really know anything about the person in question" sort of "like"/"not like" because if it is it would actually be a wonder if you had a good "relationship" (should define this as well) in the first place. And just for the record, "completely opposite people" (I am using the term here in "I like/don't like SF" sense since you were also not clear on this) can form wonderful relationships together, not to mention people change so even the one who is not "opposite" of you in the beginning might end up (actually that is very likely as far as my experience is concerned) that way in time. What then? :P Link to post Share on other sites
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