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Does Your Body Betray You?

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Sideos

I don't know if I'm alone in thinking this, but everytime I feel myself getting 'turned on' as it where, I get an emmense feeling of betrayal from my own body.

I KNOW I'm asexual, it's one of those things that you can feel in your mind and heart and such, but my body, or really my *yuck* groin *yuck* doesn't seem to agree.

For example. I'm watching a movie and suddenly, the sex scene comes on. Now, my mind is going "BORING, fast forward please" but below the belt my body gets turn on by it all.

AGH, this annoys me to no end and I feel like some kind of pervert for being like this. I hate even the idea of having sex, yet my natural bodily instincts keep making me hate myself.

I don't WANT to hate myself or hate my body for it's reactions at the sights of naked people (dispite my usual 'EW!' reaction to such) but I can't help but constantly feel betrayed by myself.

So, does anyone else feel this way? And does anyone know any way to fix this?

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BleedingThrough

I get that way too sometimes and I'm asexual. It's normal so you really can't stop it from happening I don't think. I think some asexuals can find things in movies that turn us on but the difference between us and sexuals and that we wouldn't act on our feelings.

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Dargon

I get the physical response, but it doesn't bother me in the least.

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Hallucigenia
I think some asexuals can find things in movies that turn us on but the difference between us and sexuals and that we wouldn't act on our feelings.

Not completely true. There are some sexual people who wouldn't act on their feelings either, and of those who would, most wouldn't do it every time they have those feelings. We know how to pick and choose when it is appropriate / advantageous to do so and when it is not.

Besides, there are asexuals who act on their feelings of arousal - it's called masturbating. ;)

The real difference between asexuals and sexuals is that, while asexuals may get physically turned on, sexuals experience mental sexual attractions that cause them to desire actual sexual experiences. Asexuals, needless to say, don't do that.

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Baldur

I've felt that too sometimes. It's annoying because I don't often experience it and then it happens and I think "Ehhh... I don't understand it". I have never hated my body because of that, but I've felt insecure and have wondered if it happened to any other person. I'm glad I'm not the only one. :D

I don't think there's a way to fix it... Maybe a lot of concentration? I have no idea.

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Lucy Locket

I don't have a sex drive, but as detailed in the thread in Asexual Q 'n' A, I have had sexual dreams that I'm really not sure how I know they were sexual because I haven't got the first idea what sexual feelings are like. And I wake up from them and my skin is all tingly and funny, and it is only my skin and not below the waist but I don't like having that because I worry it is the start of a sex drive. :cry: It's sort of shivery and creepy and weird, like someone dropping ice cubes down my shirt.

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Hallucigenia
I don't think there's a way to fix it... Maybe a lot of concentration? I have no idea.

Male sexuals often learn techniques of reducing their physical arousal by thinking of non-sexy things, such as difficult math or their grandmothers. I'm not sure how this would apply to asexuals, for whom nothing in particular is very sexy, but it could be worth a shot.

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User Name
I'm not sure how this would apply to asexuals, for whom nothing in particular is very sexy, but it could be worth a shot.

Why wouldn't an asexual find anything sexy? Just because I don't want to have sex with every woman on earth doesn't mean I don't appreciate the beauty of the female form.

edit. the rest cut due to being in the wrong thread. :oops:

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CopyFox
I'm not sure how this would apply to asexuals, for whom nothing in particular is very sexy, but it could be worth a shot.

Why wouldn't an asexual find anything sexy? Just because I don't want to have sex with every woman on earth doesn't mean I don't appreciate the beauty of the female form.

edit. the rest cut due to being in the wrong thread. :oops:

Finding something "sexy" usually implies, not an aesthetic attraction/appreciation, but a sexual one, as in a sexual interest in said "sexy" object. So if you can appreciate the female form but don't have thoughts of ravishing it, then it isn't really "sexy" as far as society's connotations go.

The concentration thing might be able to help. Try thinking of things that you like that don't involve sexuality. Like for me I'll start thinking of a story or something, and it makes me forget what is currently going on.

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CrazyCatLover

I read recently that women almost always become wet when present with sexual material, whether or not they are actually aroused. This is believed to be a defense mechanism against rape. I suppose this doesn't really help men that much, but I found it rather reassuring.

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Mysteria
I read recently that women almost always become wet when present with sexual material, whether or not they are actually aroused. This is believed to be a defense mechanism against rape.
That's interesting, where did you read that?

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CrazyCatLover

Here's the url (I think, it took me awhile to find it). The article's main focus is on how to cure a low sex drive which is rather annoying, so I copied the relevant part below:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/10/science/...agewanted=print

For men, there is a strong concordance between their physiological and psychological states. If they are looking at images that they describe as sexually arousing, they get erections. When the images are not to their expressed taste or sexual orientation, however, their genitals remain unmoved.

For women, the correlation between pelvic and psychic excitement is virtually nil. Women’s genitals, it seems, respond to all sex, all the time. Show a woman scenes of a man and a woman having sex, or two women having sex, or two men, or even two bonobos, Dr. Chivers said, and as a rule her genitals will become measurably congested and lubricated, although in many cases she may not be aware of the response.

Ask her what she thinks of the material viewed, however, and she will firmly declare that she liked this scene, found that one repellent, and, frankly, the chimpanzee bit didn’t do it for her at all. Regardless of declared sexual orientation, Dr. Chivers said, “with women, there’s a discrepancy between stated preference and physiological arousal, and this discrepancy has been seen consistently across studies.”

Again, the why of it remains a mystery. Dr. Chivers and others have hypothesized that the mechanism is protective. Women are ever in danger of being raped, they said, and by automatically lubricating at the mere hint of sex, they may avoid damage during forced intercourse to that evolutionarily all-important reproductive tract.

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jr1

this happens to me all the time

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Lucy Locket
Again, the why of it remains a mystery. Dr. Chivers and others have hypothesized that the mechanism is protective. Women are ever in danger of being raped, they said, and by automatically lubricating at the mere hint of sex, they may avoid damage during forced intercourse to that evolutionarily all-important reproductive tract.

Women are not "ever in danger of being raped". It is pathetic to go through your life being afraid of men. I wonder if this response developed that way because of social whatsits, or if cavewomen got the same thing?

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Apophyllite
Again, the why of it remains a mystery. Dr. Chivers and others have hypothesized that the mechanism is protective. Women are ever in danger of being raped, they said, and by automatically lubricating at the mere hint of sex, they may avoid damage during forced intercourse to that evolutionarily all-important reproductive tract.

Women are not "ever in danger of being raped". It is pathetic to go through your life being afraid of men. I wonder if this response developed that way because of social whatsits, or if cavewomen got the same thing?

Maybe it's because it's not obvious when a female is aroused, so she's never had to do anything about it. With males, having an erection is pretty obvious so he has to learn how to control it to be socially accepted.

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Lucy Locket
Again, the why of it remains a mystery. Dr. Chivers and others have hypothesized that the mechanism is protective. Women are ever in danger of being raped, they said, and by automatically lubricating at the mere hint of sex, they may avoid damage during forced intercourse to that evolutionarily all-important reproductive tract.

Women are not "ever in danger of being raped". It is pathetic to go through your life being afraid of men. I wonder if this response developed that way because of social whatsits, or if cavewomen got the same thing?

Maybe it's because it's not obvious when a female is aroused, so she's never had to do anything about it. With males, having an erection is pretty obvious so he has to learn how to control it to be socially accepted.

That's true ...

As an asexual, I feel let down by the way every damn thing the body does is designed to ensure you will have sex and have lots of children. That is my body betraying me, and yours betraying you, if you feel that way.

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Chiaroscuro
Women are not "ever in danger of being raped". It is pathetic to go through your life being afraid of men. I wonder if this response developed that way because of social whatsits, or if cavewomen got the same thing?

Women are in danger of being raped, the way I'm in danger of being mugged or eaten by a mountain lion. The idea of a protective adaptation makes a lot of sense.

-Chiaroscuro

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Lucy Locket
Women are not "ever in danger of being raped". It is pathetic to go through your life being afraid of men. I wonder if this response developed that way because of social whatsits, or if cavewomen got the same thing?

Women are in danger of being raped, the way I'm in danger of being mugged or eaten by a mountain lion. The idea of a protective adaptation makes a lot of sense.

-Chiaroscuro

Do you live near a zoo? Or in the natural habitat of a mountain lion? The chance is there, but I consider men so far beneath me I really don't care. Not in an arrogant way ie. I am better than half the population of the earth and we could have done without all the things men have invented or discovered, etc. etc. but as in men cannot and do not affect me and I refuse to be afraid of them. Anyway, why is rape just a "women's issue"? Men get raped too, and are apparently less likely to report it.

As for protective adaptation, relating to the original question posed in the thread = I consider anything my body does to encourage or facilitate sex and/or childbirth as a personal betrayal.

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RandomDent
Male sexuals often learn techniques of reducing their physical arousal by thinking of non-sexy things, such as difficult math or their grandmothers.

Man, how filthy would you feel if you came anyway? :lol:

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Chiaroscuro
I consider men so far beneath me I really don't care... as in men cannot and do not affect me and I refuse to be afraid of them.

Lucy... come on, really, nobody's suggesting you should be afraid of men, or even that you should "care" about them. Of course you'd feel betrayed by your body! Any woman would, sexual or not. That's not the point of this.

When I was a young boy, one of my most mortifying moments was getting an erection at the swimming pool. On the diving board. Talk about feeling betrayed! Our bodies "betray" us all the time, pumping us with adrenaline at totally inappropriate moments, demanding sleep when we need to be alert. This is just one of those things. It's not a comment about you being fearful, or men having some kind of power over you that you feel you have to fight against.

-Chiaroscuro

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CopyFox
Men get raped too, and are apparently less likely to report it.

In the context of the earlier talk of rape-protection-lubrication, this wouldn't affect men because they don't have a way to lubricate their anus. XP Sorry if that was graphic, but it's true. 'Course, that's talking about men raping other men.

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CrazyCatLover

Dagnamit! I wish I hadn't brought up the whole rape thing. My main point was that "body betrayal" in women is not even always a result of sexual arousal.

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AliceInWonderland
....Show a woman scenes of...two women having sex...as a rule her genitals will become measurably congested and lubricated, although in many cases she may not be aware of the response.

Would this theory or whatever it is, be stating that most women are homosexual asexual and heterosexual sexual at the same time? I hadn't thought about that being a possibility before.

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Lucy Locket

....Show a woman scenes of...two women having sex...as a rule her genitals will become measurably congested and lubricated, although in many cases she may not be aware of the response.

Would this theory or whatever it is, be stating that most women are homosexual asexual and heterosexual sexual at the same time? I hadn't thought about that being a possibility before.

Subconsciously bi - asexual? No, I hadn't thought about that either ...

I wonder if this has anything to do with those "All women are closet lesbians!" porno cliches? :?

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ratatosk_lemur
I don't think there's a way to fix it... Maybe a lot of concentration? I have no idea.

Male sexuals often learn techniques of reducing their physical arousal by thinking of non-sexy things, such as difficult math or their grandmothers. I'm not sure how this would apply to asexuals, for whom nothing in particular is very sexy, but it could be worth a shot.

Given that I seem to get aroused while thinking about things that I don't think anyone finds sexy--inorganic chemistry for example--I somehow don't think that would work.

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CopyFox
I don't think there's a way to fix it... Maybe a lot of concentration? I have no idea.

Male sexuals often learn techniques of reducing their physical arousal by thinking of non-sexy things, such as difficult math or their grandmothers. I'm not sure how this would apply to asexuals, for whom nothing in particular is very sexy, but it could be worth a shot.

Given that I seem to get aroused while thinking about things that I don't think anyone finds sexy--inorganic chemistry for example--I somehow don't think that would work.

Ouch, that's gotta be tough. I have a feeling the same thing would happen to me in school if I were a guy. My "orgasmic euphoria" is when I understand something new fully. XP

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AliceInWonderland

....Show a woman scenes of...two women having sex...as a rule her genitals will become measurably congested and lubricated, although in many cases she may not be aware of the response.

Would this theory or whatever it is, be stating that most women are homosexual asexual and heterosexual sexual at the same time? I hadn't thought about that being a possibility before.

Subconsciously bi - asexual? No, I hadn't thought about that either ...

I wonder if this has anything to do with those "All women are closet lesbians!" porno cliches? :?

Don't know. Maybe that's why men (sexual ones I suppose, but I think my husband gets excited about this too and he's asexual) sometimes think that women who fight with or are unusually nice to each other are going to have sex, and why we women know it won't happen that way (at least the majority of us, I guess - I mean, I can't speak for all, just for me really).

I also found this on the internet:

"All women may be naturally bisexual, and society shapes most of them into heterosexuals. He says this could be an evolutionary trait, because women didn't have to develop a sexual orientation when men, as the historically dominant species, were the ones always seeking out mates."

"Maltz says that men are also a slave to society, and their response to the porn in the study proves it. Just as straight women were turned on by women because of the female body's cultural implications, straight men were turned off by other men because of America's severe homophobia. Men are taught to avoid the male body, to be borderline repulsed by it, and the straight men in the study did just that, she said. Meanwhile, since women are open to seeing another woman's body, they're free to identify with that woman -- to see her orgasm on screen and physically feel it for themselves, just as they might cry upon seeing people enrapt in sorrow. On a surface level, they are being aroused by the woman on the screen, but Maltz says the real response is deeper than that. "It's not necessarily a desire to be with that woman. It's probably a celebration of their own female sexuality. It's an identification with the woman rather than a lusting after her."

Here's the address:

http://dir.salon.com/story/sex/feature/200...sal/index1.html

Actually, if I'm offending anyone, please let me know. I know this is an asexual site, so I don't want to put anyone off - sorry.

Thanks.

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CopyFox
Actually, if I'm offending anyone, please let me know. I know this is an asexual site, so I don't want to put anyone off - sorry.

Thanks.

No, no; that's quite interesting to hear. It would make a lot of sense. I think I can lean toward the "women sympathizing" thing since the same thing happens to women watching romance movies: they're not sighing 'cause they want the girl, they're sighing 'cause they want to be treated like that by a guy (usually).

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AliceInWonderland
No, no; that's quite interesting to hear. It would make a lot of sense. I think I can lean toward the "women sympathizing" thing since the same thing happens to women watching romance movies: they're not sighing 'cause they want the girl, they're sighing 'cause they want to be treated like that by a guy (usually).

Yes. This is new to me. I mean I know I feel something sometimes whenever I see another female with certain attributes that are bigger and better than mine (I suppose that's the sexual in me that I feel something in the first place), but I never related it to possible feelings of empathy - that if I had those, for instance, I'd feel even more aroused when being touched by a man in that area.

I think it's possible that in situations where you're the "huntee" (as stated above, women are) and you choose to make the man the initiator (my case, historically) you don't learn as much about it and usually don't give yourself the opportunity to become more self-aware. You never dig deeper to find out the inner workings of it (sex/asex and aromance/romance) because you're relying on someone else, the hunter, to do it for you. An analogy might be if you have a cook who always cooks for you, that's nice, but you never learn how to do it yourself, so you're not as knowledgeable about it.

I think I need an attitude adjustment. I shouldn't always look at the male as the initiator, necessarily. I need to explore - I'm not talking about promisciouity necessarily, but rather, being more aware of what's going on, researching it better, not just on an educational level, but on a personal level too. Knowing where I stand and what I want in a relationship. This site has helped me to some extent.

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Hallucigenia

That's an interesting article, Alice, and no, I'm not offended. I would quibble with the person's conclusions in the article, however. He says that the male lack of arousal to other males "proves" that they are homophobic - but what evidence supports that? Has he run the males and females separately through tests that would measure homophobia, such as an Implicit Association Test? Has he gone into other cultures that are less homophobic (since he describes this as a Western thing) and found that men do get aroused by other men in these cultures? Or is he just assuming it because it's an explanation that fits in with his worldview?

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