Sexuals: have you ever had asexual romantic feelings?

[Kawaii4]

Becoming aware of a purely romantic attraction in myself has led me to wonder how common this is in sexuals, how often it happens for individual sexuals, and how sexuals would feel about acting on this attraction. Would you go for the relationship and be quite content to have it be asexual, since that is the nature of your attraction to that person? Would you look for sex outside? If the other person wanted sex, would you go for that? Or would you avoid people for whom you had romantic feelings only?

[Ice Faerie]

*waves*

Yay, a poll for sexuals who have experienced purely romantic attraction!

It started as an online thing for a few months, so that's how it came about that I have the romantic attraction without the physical.

I put that I'd want to act on them sexually, but that wasn't quite true. The person I feel them for wanted to, and I didn't care how I expressed my romantic feelings for him so long as he's happy. I'm happy too though, because after I brought the sexual bit into it he started to care about me a lot more...that makes him sound like a dick, but he's not. Now that I've started that type of sexual relationship, there is some sexual attraction mixed in too, but not nearly as srong as the romantic attraction was/is.

As for your question: Experiencing purely romantic attraction has only happened to me once. I'd be content to have it be asexual, but that's not what he wants, which is fine with me. I wouldn't feel comfortable going outside the relationship even if it was asexual.

[ghosts]

Definitely a relationship topic, but I think I'll move this to For Sexual Partners, Friends & Allies. :)

-ghosts, Relationships mod

[BunnyK.]

If I'm romantically attracted to someone, I'm sexually attracted to them. If I didn't originally think they were attractive before I got to know them and liked them, the process of becoming romantically interested would entail me becoming sexually interested.

If someone is so unattractive to me physically that I couldn't possibly develop a physical attraction to them, I don't get interested in them romantically.

I know the fashion around here is to think of these things as different drives, but for me they are really pretty much the same thing.

[Haunter]

Shouldn't this be in the Census Forum ? Anyways, this poll's not for me. :)

[Tool1989]

I am straight and I will say this: in my opinion you should accept who they are and if you need sex, then you aren't in the right relationship. There are people out there who want sex as much as they want romance. No I would never go to somebody else even if I wanted sex because in a way....if they were to do that, they would be using the other person who they were having sex with. People should be able to deal with it if a person in a relationship doesn't want sex but the other one does. It is hard for both partners when one person isn't "getting enough" and the other person is worried about what will happen if they don't "give them what they want". It's so hard to explain! But yeah.....People hve to realize that when somebody says they don't want sex ever, then they will have to choose to either be with that person without any sex or be with somebody else that does.

[Apophyllite]

yes, I'm not sexually attracted to females, but I have felt romantic attraction towards some. Although I have felt the want to maybe cuddle, kiss, and hold hands, sex seems completely unnatural to me- I have no desire for it at all. But, I have never been a relationship (of that or any kind) so I don't know if sexual attraction would eventually develop or not. I don't know if I would ever act on those asexual feelings- it depends on the situation, but I don't think I could allow someone to commit to me if they really desired something that I was unwilling to give; and I don't think I could agree to commit to someone if I thought there was a chance that I would change my mind and want to be in a sexual relationship with a male. I feel like I would have to be sure of myself and my sexuality before I get someone else involved, and right now, I'm just too inexperienced.

I've also felt asexual attraction toward some males, but I have also felt sexual attraction toward some (though it's mostly toward the idea of males).

But then again, sexual attraction could be all in my mind. I've never actually acted on any form of attraction, so I don't really know how it'd work out.

[Hallucigenia]

My first big, intense, ohmygod sort of crush (in grade seven) was not sexual at all - I was sexual enough to be interested in sexual topics by then, but I clearly remember trying to make myself think about having sex with the boy in question (because, you know, that's what you're supposed to do when you have a crush) and going "ew bleah."

By the second or third crush, though, the sexual attraction had kicked more or less into gear.

I didn't have a real boyfriend until late high school, and while there was definitely some sexual attraction there at one point, we had one of those irritating extended break-ups where you're not officially dating any more but you can still hang out and cuddle and act exactly the same way you used to do and it's very confusing and there's time to sort of gradually grow apart. And I have to say my sexual attraction to him got bored and left a long time before the romantic and physical-as-in-cuddling attractions did.

I also get "girl crushes", which are very confusing.

So yeah, to some extent, I know what it's like, even if it's not my normal preferred mode of having a relationship. And if I felt that way again, I'd want to act on it asexually. Whether I actually would end up doing it that way is an open question. I'd probably just sit in the corner and pine for them like I always do.

[CopyFox]

I'm asexual but I want to know the results of this poll. Can someone post them for me as they are currently so that I don't screw up the results?

[ratatosk_lemur]

There's a "view results" button you can click on to see the results without messing them up. Only five people have responded, though.

[CopyFox]

There's a "view results" button you can click on to see the results without messing them up. Only five people have responded, though.

Oh. Wow, I feel stupid now. XP

You know, if each of us asexuals seeing this would ask a sexual person they know and then vote for them, there could probably be a lot more votes.

[krzysztof]

Gay men actually experience this rather frequently with straight women, although I usually see it referred to as a "non-sexual romantic relationship" in this context.

I had just such a relationship with an old roommate for about a month. We would cuddle, touch each other, and sleep together (literally speaking), but it wasn't sexual in the usual sense.

Then when she got a boyfriend (the straight, sexual kind), our romantic "play" ceased, which was appropriate. Unfortunately, she promptly began to treat me unkindly. I suspect the events are related, so I would hesitate to enter such a relationship again, although I have come close.

-krzysztof

[BleedingThrough]

I voted Yes, but I wouldn't want to act on them. I don't wanna be in a relationship.

[Revenge of Rain]

Not enough options. I get romantically attracted to tons of people. I'm usually sexually attracted to such people for at least a short period of time, and it may stay, come and go, or disappear. Like, I remember at the end of high school I was insanely attracted to a girl I know, and I never imagined anything sexual with her for several months. I was scared when I started being sexually attracted to her too--it kind of came out of nowhere.

[viciouspuma]

I don't think I've ever felt romantic attraction with no sexual component at all, but five years ago I met a woman who sparked such intense longing in me that sex was only a small fraction of my desire. The only thing I wanted to put in her was an absolute confidence that I would take a bullet for her.

"Asexual" probably isn't the right word for that kind of love. She *was* hot. She *did* turn me on. But I adored her so much I would have sworn off sex to be with her without a second thought. "Supersexual" (as in "surpassing sexual") is the best term I can think of.

[CopyFox]

I don't think I've ever felt romantic attraction with no sexual component at all, but five years ago I met a woman who sparked such intense longing in me that sex was only a small fraction of my desire. The only thing I wanted to put in her was an absolute confidence that I would take a bullet for her.

"Asexual" probably isn't the right word for that kind of love. She *was* hot. She *did* turn me on. But I adored her so much I would have sworn off sex to be with her without a second thought. "Supersexual" (as in "surpassing sexual") is the best term I can think of.

Wow, that's pretty cool. That sounds like something that would only happen in a book. Good for you. ^_^