communication question

[binary suns]

I saw a YouTube short where the speaker claimed that when men talk they want to convey information etc... and when woment talk they're seeking to convey emotion... 

 

Is that accurate to some degree? I've autistic, so I don't notice a difference like that. I don't know how men and women differ, asside from some men who are crude too much... and women being more able to talk about themselves intimately than men do. men like to avoid it. But I just assumed that wasn't a "everybody is this way" thing. There is a lot of diversity.. some women aren't open, some men are. 

[camillosan]

I think it's bs that men and women communicate differently because of their gender. I think what likely causes a difference is the way amab and afab people are raised differently. Amab people are often taught to be dominant and rational, to not talk about emotions etc. Afab people are often taught to be quiet and submissive, to not argue and that it's okay to show emotion. I think every human being is able to communicate in different ways and that it's harmful to spread stereotypes that suggest that afab and amab peoples communication "style" is inherently different.

[rebis]

In order for that dumb binary to make sense, no men would ever need/want to communicate about emotions, and no women would ever need/want to communicate information. Since we all obviously need to do both, no -- I wouldn't say that simplistic categorization is accurate.

 

Lots of people just want to be able to separate everything about humans into an either/or category, because --- I don't know, we just love to try to force everything into a binary pattern. Just not so simple, tho.

[binary suns]

7 minutes ago, rebis said:

In order for that dumb binary to make sense, no men would ever need/want to communicate about emotions, and no women would ever need/want to communicate information. Since we all obviously need to do both, no -- I wouldn't say that simplistic categorization is accurate.

 

Lots of people just want to be able to separate everything about humans into an either/or category, because --- I don't know, we just love to try to force everything into a binary pattern. Just not so simple, tho.

I personally just automatically assume statements like this already know that reality exists on a spectrum and it only speaks towards tendencies, not absolute rules. 

 

[ElloryJaye]

Men communicate about emotions quite often—it's just that anger for some reason is treated as "not an emotion" by people who set up stupid dichotomies like this, and anger is the emotion that's most socially acceptable for a man to display.  Likewise, women communicate about information quite often, because doing so is necessary to functioning in society.

 

It may be the case that women are more likely to initiate conversations that do emotional work in relationships, and/or more likely to seek consensus, but I'd really want to see some studies to prove that the whole thing isn't just a case of thinly veiled sexism.

 

[AstrophelDragon]

Maybe? I have noticed that generally when I talk to amab people, it's easier to keep the conversation on some sort of topic I like, like coding or Zelda or something. And afab it's easier to complain to and get sympathy from, and also easier for me to keep talking bc they tend to ask more questions, and then I just keep talking and then it probably turns into a one-sided conversation bc I'm bad at asking people questions. But when I'm closer friends with people then it doesn't really make a difference bc we learn how to communicate with each other in ways we both like

[Sarah-Sylvia]

I think it's possible there's a leaning or small tendency for averages, including not just in how people are raised I mean, since you can see 'some' differences develop in very young kids too (though it's hard to say how quickly influenced kids are, by society's), but even when that's the case I don't think of it as information vs emotion, the guys and gals might be just 'differently' emotional, and convey different types of information. Maybe 'some' men take on more stoicism but most of the time they are emotional, just in different ways. and feelings still influence their thoughts even if they don't 'show' it. Humans are emotional :P.

 

And also emotions can carry a lot of information, it's just different and more relational  (to how someone feels, for themselves and others). Men who aren't in touch with emotions (and this can happen to women too obviously) don't pay as much attention to that type of info, which is actually not great because they also don't realize how feelings matter or are influencing things, including the way they see and go about things. I do think it's mostly society's fault, though it's not to say there isn't some small leaning there too.

 

There was a study I red about where they wanted to see how small children responded to hearing a baby crying. There were differences already there, where girls had more on average a nurturing response, while boys tried to shut out the noise. whether or not society already influenced differences like that, clearly there's something already there where boys are less likely to listen and think about emotion but girls do. I'd argue being frustrated at hearing crying is emotional, not that I know if that's what they felt since that wasn't part of the study. But anyway, when people say that men don't understand women, I see it more as a failure to have learned the importance of emotion. That applies to gals too though, just a bit in different ways.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Just wanna add to be clear that it's oversimplifying to look at it as all or nothing since everyone's different too, though was talking more around averages in the population.

[Abigail Rose]

I think a big part of this question has to be affected by what generation you are looking at too. I am certain that we all see how much less gender stereotyping happens now versus the baby boomers and before. My Grandparents had strict views, on how children are to act, in relation to gender specifically. Maybe that is why they struggled with me. I couldn't give them what they were looking for no matter how they tried. I tried to conform to these notions for almost forty years. When I look back on that, I feel deprived of a life I could have lived, if not for the strict views of my peers. At the same time, I feel intense regret that I failed to live up to their wishes. 

 

Personally, I feel as though I can convey information in small amounts with success. When I write a response on this forum, for example. I am able to be far more articulate, than you would get in person. I can and do take my time, so I am sure I understand my own thoughts clearly. I also know that my empathy for others is through the roof, and I embrace my emotions openly and without fear of how society sees me. I hope to see a generation that can express themselves freely, and without fear, because they were born to a time when the notion of stereotyping and determining the lives of children, based on genitalia, has become ancient history. 

[Slajmy]

12 hours ago, binary suns said:

I saw a YouTube short where the speaker claimed that when men talk they want to convey information etc... and when woment talk they're seeking to convey emotion... 

 

Is that accurate to some degree? I've autistic, so I don't notice a difference like that. I don't know how men and women differ, asside from some men who are crude too much... and women being more able to talk about themselves intimately than men do. men like to avoid it. But I just assumed that wasn't a "everybody is this way" thing. There is a lot of diversity.. some women aren't open, some men are. 

In that case I'm a dude.

[binary suns]

2 hours ago, Slajmy said:

In that case I'm a dude.

right? maybe it's because of autism but I've very literal and direct and I don't have a good grasp on what I'm feeling

[what the face]

Feelings are best felt I think.

When some of us talk about our feelings, or have chosen/ learned not to verbalize how we feel, both are means of separation from the raw core feelings we feel.

Conveying information is a default function for humans which can occupy and distract us from feeling   the moments we are living.

 

Words are powerful symbols and can help us understand and process, but words and descriptions, like love and fear and loneliness are not the feelings themselves.

Similarly silent responses to feelings can carry deep meaning and might be the best means some of us have.  Sometimes feelings are beyond words.