Libido vs Sexual Desire

[Fresco]

Hi everyone!

 

Context:

My name's Symon, and yesterday I started working on a little fact-sheet (of sorts) on asexuality. I know there are a few other sites like this that explain asexuality, but I feel like I need to do this one, even if it's just for me. Honestly, with most of the sites I've seen about this, I still don't understand asexuality after reading, and it just leaves me with more questions than answers, as most of them are very amateur-y. I know that the Trevor Project has one with a FAQ, and AVEN here has one (I'm probably gonna link those both in 😅) but whilst a few define different identities under the asexual umbrella, I don't really get any solid information about it.
Maybe I just still haven't found the right one, but regardless of this, I still want to do my own- even just to pass on to my friends who don't understand it.

 

Topic:

I've written a section on Libido, Sexual Attraction and Arousal, and started off with showing the difference between libido and sexual desire, based off of my own personal experiences and heavy research I'd done a little while ago. But my question is: are they the same thing? I believe that they're not, but when I started looking at articles on it again, they all say that they're one and the same. So what do you all think? Is libido different from sexual desire, or are they the same?

 

Here's what I wrote on it (so far):

Quote

Libido, Sexual Attraction and Arousal

 

What is libido?

Libido is different and separate from sexual attraction and arousal, which is not so commonly known. 

If you throw ‘libido’ into a google search and hit enter, one of the very first things that comes up is the definition that libido is the same as sexual desire. This is a very common misconception, and while many people may believe that they are one in the same, they are not. In actuality, they go hand in hand, but are not the same thing. 

Libido, as opposed to sexual desire, is the level of frequency in which you experience arousal. This can link strongly to sexual desire, however, your libido can make you desire something sexual, though this is not always the case.

Any help would be massively appreciated!!

[Sarah-Sylvia]

It depends if masturbation is included in sexual desire. Though even then some asexuals wouldnt desire to even if they felt arousal due to libido, so not a rule in any case.

[Fresco]

2 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

It depends if masturbation is included in sexual desire. Though even then some asexuals wouldnt desire to even if they felt arousal due to libido, so not a rule in any case.

I wouldn't say it is. In my opinion, sexual desire is wanting to experience sexual acts with another person. I realise I didn't specify any of that, though (I did have a thing above this that explained sexual desire and sexual attraction- but I didn't mention the with another person part there, so I'll add it in). I would say that in the case of aegosexuality, the person may enjoy the idea of sexual activities, but not the reality, and so they then wouldn't experience sexual desire- as they wouldn't want to do anything physically like that with another person. Then again, I'm not sure if I'm aegosexual, so it'd be interesting to hear what others who identify as this have to say /npa /lh

That's just my take on it though, I'm not sure if others feel the same

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Just now, Fresco said:

I wouldn't say it is. In my opinion, sexual desire is wanting to experience sexual acts with another person. I realise I didn't specify any of that, though (I did have a thing above this that explained sexual desire and sexual attraction- but I didn't mention the with another person part there, so I'll add it in). I would say that in the case of aegosexuality, the person may enjoy the idea of sexual activities, but not the reality, and so they then wouldn't experience sexual desire- as they wouldn't want to do anything physically like that with another person. Then again, I'm not sure if I'm aegosexual, so it'd be interesting to hear what others who identify as this have to say /npa /lh

That's just my take on it though, I'm not sure if others feel the same

Ok, Sure. many definitions did maybe assume it though, just like libido has been referred as sex drive a lot.

It's all before asexual awareness tho of course.

 

[Fresco]

Just now, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Ok, Sure. many definitions did maybe assume it though, just like libido has been referred as sex drive a lot.

It's all before asexual awareness tho of course.

 

Yeah, ofc! Maybe I just have a really obscure definition of it all 😅

[MarRister]

17 minutes ago, Fresco said:

Libido, as opposed to sexual desire, is the level of frequency in which you experience arousal. This can link strongly to sexual desire, however, your libido can make you desire something sexual, though this is not always the case.

I think people here tend to have a different view on libido than the general population. Also I think it is important that when you discuss arousal, you discuss what type of arousal - is it just physiological, or also mental? I would say I have a low libido in the sense that my body doesn't get physically aroused much, but mentally I do desire sex, so it is kind of a constant contradiction in my life. When I have a partner I do desire sex with them, and that desire is not born from physical arousal. So I would have hard a hard time saying my libido was the same thing as the frequency of physical arousal, because I see a lot more going into desire than that. 

 

I tend to think of libido as being the level and frequency of desiring sexual situations - so for ace people an active libido may fall more to the masturbation side or just fantasizing (if they are willing to engage with their libido), rather than outright desiring partnered sex, and for sexual people it could be either depending what that individual wants and their current situation. 

 

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

1 minute ago, Fresco said:

Yeah, ofc! Maybe I just have a really obscure definition of it all 😅

I've seen it too, so it's not just you.

[Fresco]

2 minutes ago, MarRister said:

I think people here tend to have a different view on libido than the general population. Also I think it is important that when you discuss arousal, you discuss what type of arousal - is it just physiological, or also mental? I would say I have a low libido in the sense that my body doesn't get physically aroused much, but mentally I do desire sex, so it is kind of a constant contradiction in my life. When I have a partner I do desire sex with them, and that desire is not born from physical arousal. So I would have hard a hard time saying my libido was the same thing as the frequency of physical arousal, because I see a lot more going into desire than that. 

 

I tend to think of libido as being the level and frequency of desiring sexual situations - so for ace people an active libido may fall more to the masturbation side or just fantasizing (if they are willing to engage with their libido), rather than outright desiring partnered sex, and for sexual people it could be either depending what that individual wants and their current situation. 

 

 

Thanks so much, this is super helpful. Now that you say it like that, it does make more sense for it to be that, and I think my thoughts might have derailed a bit while writing it- I couldn't quite find the definition I was looking for (in my head). So I think that's definitely 'more right' I guess than the one I came up with

[MarRister]

It is tricky, because I do hear about people here complaining about their libido because they don't like that their body feels physiological arousal, and don't want to engage with that, so it would be hard to equate libido with a desire for anything in that sense. But that is always why I think the mental component is always super important to break out. If your mind isn't in it, but your body is feeling aroused - some people take that to mean their body is betraying them or 'wants' something they don't want, but it is just a physiological bodily function, and doesn't mean you want anything. Want happens in the mind, it just so happens our body and mind are very much intertwined and inseparable, so things get mighty confusing at times. 

[Fresco]

9 minutes ago, MarRister said:

It is tricky, because I do hear about people here complaining about their libido because they don't like that their body feels physiological arousal, and don't want to engage with that, so it would be hard to equate libido with a desire for anything in that sense. But that is always why I think the mental component is always super important to break out. If your mind isn't in it, but your body is feeling aroused - some people take that to mean their body is betraying them or 'wants' something they don't want, but it is just a physiological bodily function, and doesn't mean you want anything. Want happens in the mind, it just so happens our body and mind are very much intertwined and inseparable, so things get mighty confusing at times. 

Yeah, that's true. I don't know if there's any way I can incorporate both, but I'll see what I can do.

[m8476]

3 hours ago, Fresco said:

Is libido different from sexual desire, or are they the same?

Libido and sexual desire are often used interchangeably, but they can have slightly different nuances. Libido refers to overall sexual drive or energy, while sexual desire is the specific longing or interest in engaging in sexual activity.

[Philip027]

I don't regard them as particularly different most of the time / for most people, but "sexual desire" is something that I would regard as a desire for sex specifically (as in, 2 or more people involved) whereas libido is just a desire for sexual release, which is something most people can accomplish on their own without requiring a partner.

 

Because of that, some asexuals in particular might be uncomfortable with framing their libido as equivalent to sexual desire, particularly if they explicitly don't desire sex.

[Fresco]

15 hours ago, Philip027 said:

I don't regard them as particularly different most of the time / for most people, but "sexual desire" is something that I would regard as a desire for sex specifically (as in, 2 or more people involved) whereas libido is just a desire for sexual release, which is something most people can accomplish on their own without requiring a partner.

 

Because of that, some asexuals in particular might be uncomfortable with framing their libido as equivalent to sexual desire, particularly if they explicitly don't desire sex.

That makes a lot of sense, thank you! /g

[cnsj72]

I think your quote/definition is pretty accurate to my experience. For me, I feel that sexual desire would equate more to wanting partnered sexual contact.

 

Libido (again, for me) is more about feelings of arousal. This arousal is more like a bodily need, if that makes sense? Something I would deal with by masturbating like someone else mentioned.

[Imjusthere]

On 6/19/2023 at 7:03 PM, DemiGreyQuestioning said:

I think your quote/definition is pretty accurate to my experience. For me, I feel that sexual desire would equate more to wanting partnered sexual contact.

 

Libido (again, for me) is more about feelings of arousal. This arousal is more like a bodily need, if that makes sense? Something I would deal with by masturbating like someone else mentioned.

The attraction is the combo of those all with a specific person in mind, I can be turned on by someone, but that wears of in a short time period, and I don’t desire “that thing” in the slightest. I always have imposter syndrome but when I look back on things, it wasn’t about “that thing” and I often skirted around that in 3rd person fantasies. That’s how I knew for a fact I’m aegosexual.