Am I asexual or just confused?

[Copper_]

Okay so this is gonna be all over the place and I hugely apologize in advance.

I hope this is not inappropriate as well.

Anyway I'm 18, and though I'm comfortable masturbating (mainly for boredom or stress, rarely but sometimes arousal I guess???) it has always been to fiction and never actual people, I have never been sexually attracted to anyone, nor have I ever felt the need to have sex. I also don't feel sad or insecure about still having my V-card, but since I wanna be in a relationship sometime I realized that I might have to have sex at some point since it's usually a requirement in relationship I guess? Cause It'd be hard to find other asexuals if I turn out to be one, and what if I end up with someone who's ace but I end up not being that? And like initially I thought I was just very neutral about sex, but I hanged out with someone today and they made some advances and I just felt SO small and just SO weird and I don't even know if it's because I'm unexperienced, scared of that kind of intimacy, if I'm so insecure that I just can't perceive myself as a sexual object or if I could actually be asexual and it's tormenting me.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hey @Copper_ 🍰

 

Take your time, the most important is to know yourself and what you want and don't want. It sounds like you might be able to relate to asexuality but it's hard to say too much yet. Not needing sex is a big one, though not everyone wants to be sexual with anyone, it could take to find someone you like in a way that you want to be intimate, though since you're 18 you maybe have an idea of what kind of intimacy you'd like with someone you like. If you don't think you'd ever be into sex then that's a big sign of being asexual. Someone asexual who isn't sex-averse could still be sexual for a partner but not really want it themselves, though there's more than that to think about too. Really, once you feel you understand more about yourself,  it's easier to find a label that fits how you are. Insecurity can definitely play a factor so it's good to imagine about someone you feel comfortable with. You can always stay open or consider yourself questioning until you find if asexuality fits or not.

Feel free to share more thoughts.

[Rahul Pradhan]

There is no rush, take your own time. Sometimes it can be really confusing, Because it took me 2 years to confirm that I am Asexual. I never experienced Sexual Attraction. I can relate this thing with your experience. I am also Sex neutral or Sex indifferent. You should take your own time. 

 

If you feel any of these, then you are asexual:

 

1. You don't feel Sexual attraction 

2. You experience Sexual attraction in specific situations

3. You experience Sexual attraction after emotional bond.

 

 

[m8476]

On 5/11/2023 at 4:39 AM, Copper_ said:

Okay so this is gonna be all over the place and I hugely apologize in advance.

I hope this is not inappropriate as well.

Anyway I'm 18, and though I'm comfortable masturbating (mainly for boredom or stress, rarely but sometimes arousal I guess???) it has always been to fiction and never actual people, I have never been sexually attracted to anyone, nor have I ever felt the need to have sex. I also don't feel sad or insecure about still having my V-card, but since I wanna be in a relationship sometime I realized that I might have to have sex at some point since it's usually a requirement in relationship I guess? Cause It'd be hard to find other asexuals if I turn out to be one, and what if I end up with someone who's ace but I end up not being that? And like initially I thought I was just very neutral about sex, but I hanged out with someone today and they made some advances and I just felt SO small and just SO weird and I don't even know if it's because I'm unexperienced, scared of that kind of intimacy, if I'm so insecure that I just can't perceive myself as a sexual object or if I could actually be asexual and it's tormenting me.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. It's totally okay to feel confused about your sexuality, and it's important to take the time to figure things out. Have you considered talking to a therapist or a trusted friend about your concerns? They might be able to offer some guidance and support. As for your question about whether sex is a requirement in relationships, it's important to remember that every relationship is different and there's no one-size-fits-all answer. Some people value sex as an important part of their relationships, while others don't. Have you considered looking for other asexuals to date? There are many online communities and dating sites specifically for asexual individuals. It might be worth exploring those options. Lastly, have you considered exploring your romantic attraction to others? You mentioned feeling neutral about sex, but do you feel romantic attraction to anyone? That might be a good starting point for understanding your sexuality.

[clearmurk]

It's really important to know that you never "have to" have sex with anyone. And someone who would pressure you to have sex with them even though they know you're uncomfortable with it is an abuser. Don't date anyone like that.

 

It can be hard realizing that you're sex-averse when you thought you were sex-neutral or thought you could make yourself sex-favorable. I'm not sure if you're at that point after one experience, but please don't hurt yourself trying to force yourself to be okay with sexual scenarios, or trying to explore things past the point where it makes sense.

 

Of course you can date other ace-spec people, but you can also date allosexuals who are okay with not having sex (I have done it). They might be non-monogamous or monogamous. Yes, your dating pool will likely be smaller than a sex-favorable clone of yourself would have, but that doesn't mean you won't find loving partners. Relationships are really complicated and people always have to sort out their different needs across a variety of dimensions.

[Kizith]

I really relate to your feelings of being ok/not insecure with not having sex yet, as well as feeling like you'd 'have to' have sex if you got into a relationship with someone.

For what it's worth, I didn't lose my virginity until later in life (26), and when I did, I was the one who started things off. If your first time is anything other than on your own terms, especially if your partner is pressuring you, that's not a safe space to be in, no matter what they say.

And if you never have that want, that is totally OK too. All folks are valid 👌