Lawrence Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 My ace wife and I have been married for thirty years. I have what one would call an average libido….a sexual of the moderate level. My wife finds sex/intimacy mostly repulsive. Our sexual/intimacy troubles began on our honeymoon. We were both naive. Before getting married we both agreed to refrain from sex until marriage….but for different reasons (of which we did not know at the time). For the next twenty years I thought our sexual challenges were my fault….my problem. I felt I wasn’t physically attractive enough for her. So I would frequently go to the gym to try to enhance my appearance to be more appealing to her. I also put forth great effort at romance, kindness, gentleness, adoration, gift giving, listening, etc. After twenty years of marriage, I finally learned what asexuality was. It blew my mind. I was relieved to find out what our great challenge was all about. And that it wasn’t my fault. But,…. it was incredibly daunting now knowing that this a forever situation. Sex and physical intimacy was not a gift that was for us. Yes, my wife agrees that she is asexual but she hates being labeled that. Over the years, because of our differences and lack of sex and intimacy, I experienced great loneliness, rejection, isolation, and a continued decrease of confidence in all that I did. I felt emasculated. I cried out to God for help. I begged God for help. After we learned about asexuality, we communicated a little. Not a lot, just a little. She didn’t like talking or thinking about anything sexual. I eventually came very near to cheating on her so we sought counseling. Nothing helped as she became incredibly defensive and aggressive during sessions. My wife grew up in a loving family…but a family that showed very little affection, communication, and touch. Everything was about work and duty. My wife and I do have “sex” about once a week or so, but it is all about her “servicing” me. No intimacy, No closeness. No giving and receiving. No romance. No planning. No preparation. No spontaneity. No exciting anticipation. She also hates being touched in intimate areas. This is our life. There is great love, but….. I now have pretty severe depression and anxiety. I have broken. Communication is vitally important…. but for a “mixed” relationship to work it requires not just great love, but great strength, great discipline, and great perseverance. The sexual will always have to deal with great temptations from outside the marriage. Communication is great…. but it does not bring the differences closer together. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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