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I need some advice big time [TMI]


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I use to think I was ace, but now I am not so sure. I have started to get a lot of different feelings as of late, and the label just does not work anymore. But now I have no clue what I am! It seems like nothing fits, and when I think I found something that works, something happens to make me doubt that! Below is a compilation of what I know and I am hoping you could use this to help me find a label that describes how I feel.

 

How I feel about girls:

I can find a girl pretty, but I would not want to kiss one or have sex with one either.

I get aroused from clothed girls, but not naked ones nor do I like naked girls.

I have never felt attracted to a girl in any way or had a crush on one.

And weirdly enough, I can only really get turned on by them if i imagine myself as them. (I am a weird individual.)

 

How I feel about guys:

I think I have had a crush on several guys. I first find them handsome and cute, then I get warm and giddy, then I get sweaty and nervous if they come close to me and I feel like a magnet in my chest is dragging me toward them. I think this is a crush, but it only lasts a few days. This could be becasue I never see them after a day. (This almost always happens at a store or event, and because I don't want my parents thinking I am not straight (We are christian but they think that lgbtq+ people will go to hell which is absolute bs) I try not to look at them or exchange socials.

I get aroused by guys, but not as much as with a clothed girl.

I do like naked guys and feel what I think is sexual attraction toward them.

 

What does all this mean? Does anybody know what I could be?

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nanogretchen4

You could be gay. It sounds like you are probably still a minor and living with your parents, and it also sounds like it would be unsafe to come out to them. That's a tough situation to be in. Just remember that you will eventually be an adult. Start making plans so you can get as much independence from your parents as possible as soon as possible after becoming a legal adult.

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1 hour ago, Craig W. said:

I use to think I was ace, but now I am not so sure. I have started to get a lot of different feelings as of late, and the label just does not work anymore. But now I have no clue what I am! It seems like nothing fits, and when I think I found something that works, something happens to make me doubt that! Below is a compilation of what I know and I am hoping you could use this to help me find a label that describes how I feel.

 

How I feel about girls:

I can find a girl pretty, but I would not want to kiss one or have sex with one either.

I get aroused from clothed girls, but not naked ones nor do I like naked girls.

I have never felt attracted to a girl in any way or had a crush on one.

And weirdly enough, I can only really get turned on by them if i imagine myself as them. (I am a weird individual.)

 

How I feel about guys:

I think I have had a crush on several guys. I first find them handsome and cute, then I get warm and giddy, then I get sweaty and nervous if they come close to me and I feel like a magnet in my chest is dragging me toward them. I think this is a crush, but it only lasts a few days. This could be becasue I never see them after a day. (This almost always happens at a store or event, and because I don't want my parents thinking I am not straight (We are christian but they think that lgbtq+ people will go to hell which is absolute bs) I try not to look at them or exchange socials.

I get aroused by guys, but not as much as with a clothed girl.

I do like naked guys and feel what I think is sexual attraction toward them.

 

What does all this mean? Does anybody know what I could be?

It is possible you find women aesthetically pleasing. Its possible to like looking at something nice looking just because its very nice looking. 

It sounds like you have a sexual inclination towards men though. 

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Hooray for self-discovery! One of the things I like most about being ace is that it's a great transitional label. Some people strongly identify as ace their whole lives, and that's great. Some people spend some time strongly identifying as ace and then their feelings change or their understandings of themselves change, and that's also great. It sounds to me like you're feeling some measure of attraction towards boys and girls, with a slightly stronger lean towards boys. Something in the ballpark of bisexual or pansexual might work for you as a label? There's lots of internet dickering about the difference between the two, so reading more about that might help you find some clarity about your own feelings. If you don't want to get too caught up in the question of whether you're really feeling sexual attraction or not, just calling yourself "bi" or "pan" can also provide a nice layer of ambiguity: you could mean bisexual or biromantic, but you don't have to be more specific if you don't want to.

 

I'm sorry your folks are holding on to some shitty religious beliefs; that sounds like a really tough environment to be figuring yourself out in. Good luck, and remember: you've got an awesome life ahead of you and a queer community who cannot wait to meet your grown self. Take all the time you need :)

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nanogretchen4

Unless you start having crushes on actual girls or feeling attracted to actual girls or have any interest in kissing or having sex with them, you don't really sound bisexual or pansexual. Getting aroused by imagining yourself as a pretty girl is not the same thing as being attracted to girls in a way that makes you want to date them. Meanwhile, on multiple occasions you have had dramatic crush reactions to specific guys you had just met. Unless or until you start feeling that for girls, all available information sounds like you are into guys exclusively. However, regardless of what label you may privately identify with, you shouldn't come out until you are a legal adult, living on your own, and financially independent of your parents. 

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Sounds like asexual, but maybe homo- or biromantic. Not sure.

 

But don't label yourself if you can't. Just try things out and see if you like it or not.

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