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Would this class as greyromatic?


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Hello all. So I have been trying to find the best label for my romantic orientation and some advice would be greatly appreciated. I am fairly confident I am asexual as I don’t think I’ve event felt sexual attraction for anyone. I have however felt what I thought was romantic attraction, all be it very rarely. I’m 34 and never had a relationship, although I have dated a fair bit online and had some crushes over the years. The first not being until I was about 18 however. Before that I was fully aromantic. I’ve had about 4 crushes in my life that lasted longer than a fleeting fancy, and 2 of those I never met in person and only really felt the crush like feelings after our communication had stopped. They were certainly not sexual but could have been romantic, although I’d have equally been happy being friends. One of these men I still think about after years, even though I never met him.  I only ever seem to develop attractions for those who don’t have feelings for me. If anyone I liked ever showed a hint that they liked me back my feelings went away. I have thought I may be aromantic but I love romance novels and fictional characters, so I would class myself as aegoromantic. I think I’d like a QPR one day but I see this being with a woman and not a man.  Would having the odd crush over the years and even feeling slight infatuation still allow me to be aromantic or would be this be greyromantic?

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34 minutes ago, NerdyBirdy said:

had about 4 crushes in my life that lasted longer than a fleeting fancy, and 2 of those I never met in person and only really felt the crush like feelings after our communication had stopped.

 

35 minutes ago, NerdyBirdy said:

only ever seem to develop attractions for those who don’t have feelings for me. If anyone I liked ever showed a hint that they liked me back my feelings went away

Look up Frayromantic & Lithromantic to see if you relate at all. 

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8 hours ago, NerdyBirdy said:

They were certainly not sexual but could have been romantic, although I’d have equally been happy being friends.

I'd second what @Eutierria posted in terms of the potential microlabels under the aromantic spectrum. Also maybe look into types of attraction, specifically alterous as I've read it being somewhere between romantic & platonic & maybe what you described here fits that.

 

I actually relate to a lot of what you described & also identify as aegoromantic (anegoromantic) for sure. I'm still not 100% sure about romantic or alterous feelings myself, though. (I can recognize romance in tv/movies, books, etc, but I don't know whether I've actually experienced both or either myself).  

 

8 hours ago, NerdyBirdy said:

feeling slight infatuation

There are many reasons folks can experience infatuation including (but not an exhaustive list): a crush, squish (platonic equivalent of crush), mesh (alterous equivalent of crush), or a special interest to name a few. 

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Thanks for you’re replies  @AceArospec and @Eutierria. That pretty much sums up what I thought about myself. I do find it hard to differentiate between romantic/platonic/alterous, especially thinking about feelings I felt for someone a long time ago before I even knew about all the different types. I think a lot of what I felt was due to the pressure to start dating and couple up with someone in a romantic sense.  I think I’m greyro for the most part, but I haven’t had those feelings for someone in many years at this point. 

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DarkStormyKnight

I just want to emphasize, if you resonate with any aromantic micro-label, then try it out and see if you like it! From your description, sounds like that fits, but there's nothing wrong with playing around with what terms you want to use!

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