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Attraction by habit


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So I was thinking about how when my girlfriend is near I want to hug her, lean against her, etc. I believe that would be called sensual attraction. 

But I found myself pondering how I think it's a little bit some inherent I love you and thus want hugs and cuddles (the way I want to hug all the people I care for) and more a slowly built habit over the years. We started cuddling in college because we were both far from home and sisters and parents and discovering what it was like to be touch-starved and lonely for it. It was platonic. And it's been years of that. So now my body associates her with cuddles and automatically wants more. 

 

I dunno, it's not much of a thought, just the beginnings of one. A musing, if you will. 

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To me sensuality is nice for itself but also a way to share affection. That's about it xD. If it's a romantic partner then I'm more likely to share affection like that, by a lot :D. And also it can mean more but I think it can be casual too.

 

 

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2 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

To me sensuality is nice for itself but also a way to share affection. That's about it xD. If it's a romantic partner then I'm more likely to share affection like that, by a lot :D. And also it can mean more but I think it can be casual too.

 

 

I mean, I quite agree. A way to show affection. Hugs!

But the attraction, the difference between "it'd be nice to hug you" and "you are over there and we haven't hugged yet and it is distracting and frustrating" is what I was thinking of. How it was a constant frustration when we took a walk early on during covid that I couldn't tuck my hand in her elbow. Because that's how we usually like to walk and being denied that was weirdly upsetting. 

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23 minutes ago, Thujaplicata said:

I mean, I quite agree. A way to show affection. Hugs!

But the attraction, the difference between "it'd be nice to hug you" and "you are over there and we haven't hugged yet and it is distracting and frustrating" is what I was thinking of. How it was a constant frustration when we took a walk early on during covid that I couldn't tuck my hand in her elbow. Because that's how we usually like to walk and being denied that was weirdly upsetting. 

That would be annoying to me too.

 

I don't think of it has habit for me, more so just that I can crave sensuality in general xD. Maybe it would be worse if it is something im used to though,

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6 hours ago, Thujaplicata said:

want to hug her, lean against her, etc. I believe that would be called sensual attraction. 

With close friends I can do this with, it's more of a comfort thing.

 

With a long-term partner, it feels different. It's more intense, lasts longer & romantic feelings come with it. 

2 hours ago, Thujaplicata said:

was a constant frustration when we took a walk early on during covid that I couldn't tuck my hand in her elbow. Because that's how we usually like to walk and being denied that was weirdly upsetting. 

I don't think that's weird.

 

I haven't figured out why but I feel taken care of by the men in my life who've then put their hand over my hand that's tucked into their elbow. It's like a 'I've got you, you're gonna be OK'. 

 

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I'm a very touch averse person and generally try to avoid it. However, there are some friends that ask if they can touch me and I will sometimes find myself saying yes. I also notice that the more they ask, the more likely I am to say yes. For example, I met this girl on a trip and told her since I'm touch averse I'd appreciate if she ask first to touch me. In the beginning I said no a lot but towards the end of the trip I found myself actually enjoying it when she wanted to hold my hand. 

 

I wouldn't necessarily describe it as a habit. I would describe it more as though your comfort level with that person is increasing to a level where you are seeking out another persons touch and can enjoy it. At least this has been my experience. 

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I wouldn't say I'm touch averse, but there are times where I don't really like to be touched. I have no problem hugging friends or family, but if someone touches me randomly or unexpectedly, I find myself self-conscious of it for a while after. 

 

With potential partners I was in the habit of always wanting to holding hands, and I do like a good hug. But I haven't done much cuddling, and I honestly don't know how I feel about that.

 

I think it's a matter of comfort and context.

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