Surreaster Posted January 27, 2023 Share Posted January 27, 2023 Hello all. I'm nervous about giving too much about myself away because I'm not open to anybody about my sexuality, I'm pretty open about things like not wanting a family but it's relatively easy to just pretend you're straight and a bit useless or scarred from bad dating experiences. I actually found AVEN almost 20 years ago when I was a depressed and angsty student. I was so worried that my life was going to be terrible, that I'd never be able to hold onto friendships because I was terrified people would stop speaking to me when they got partners ( a very teenage mindset! ) and was in a bad place mentally. I'm in a better place now but the exhaustion is back a bit, especially post pandemic, with the cost of living going up so rapidly. It's making me feel frustrated because it feels so unfair that people who are Aro/Ace are just... at such a disadvantage at times like this. I can't move in with a partner to cut the costs down a bit because I have no desire to get a partner, and the more people around me I see getting married and having kids the more nervous I feel that I'm not blending in - less that I feel any pressure from people asking me 'when I plan on doing those things' and more that I'm worried that people will notice something is 'off'. Things are far more open than they used to be when it comes to people feeling comfortable to talk about their gender and sexuality, but I don't have the energy to try and explain myself to people. At times when I've tried to explain it, it's always messy. I've had moments where I've felt things strongly for people who I've been close to as friends, but It's more of a strong mental fantasy, and a desire for connection on a somewhat abstract almost spiritual level. I've gotten myself and others confused when I try to explain how I feel, because it's always a surprise when a crush happens and its hard to find the words to try and explain how I don't actually want to 'be' with a person but the very intense fantasies make it very difficult, and my heart still breaks when they push me away either way. I came back here to lurk a bit and to get this off my chest. Angst and stress aside, I feel like I've dodged a bullet not being Allo, dating apps werent a thing when I was a teenager and the way how they have swept through the lives of the allonormative people in my life is wild to see, I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that, I just wish I wasnt also at a big financial disadvantage for something which isn't a 'choice'! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tom71 Posted January 27, 2023 Share Posted January 27, 2023 Welcome I think many here may fear others will find them odd Quote Link to post Share on other sites
alto Posted January 27, 2023 Share Posted January 27, 2023 I too am dismayed at the financial disadvantage to our kind. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted January 27, 2023 Share Posted January 27, 2023 Hello. Welcome back! Thanks, for sharing your experiences. [a pic of a round, vanilla frosted cake (with a small strip of rainbow sprinkles all around the side) topped with melted chocolate dripping down the side and various colored gumdrops, macaroons; and green, white, and red lollipops; pink and white lollipops; and a large rainbow lollipop. A round, white candy says "Welcome back!" in black font.] Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Latestarter Posted January 27, 2023 Share Posted January 27, 2023 Welcome. Your fears about the cost of not being able to share bills are affecting so many and as you say, it’s not possible to start a relationship with someone, move in and then say… oh, by the way… Not that it in any way invalidates this, I think the same applies to many allos too. They can’t just establish a relationship where they can move in with someone and sleep together with a relative stranger they met on a dating app. I think that’s the reason why a lot of adults have moved back in with their parents, not a situation anyone would want. It doesn’t make you feel any better but you’re not on your own, either here or in the general population. I hope you can manage to find a way to feel a little more positive about things soon as it is awful to feel so insecure. All the best. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
arianadama Posted January 27, 2023 Share Posted January 27, 2023 Hi and welcome! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Typhoon Posted January 27, 2023 Share Posted January 27, 2023 Welcome to AVEN! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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