MamaSwan Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 Hi! I'm a 47 years old woman, mom to an adult son. Single but dating at the moment. I have just realized that I'm asexual. I did not just find a word for something I knew am; I actually only now realized that I don't have a desire to have sex with anyone. It's been 30 years since I had sex for the first time. I have since dated, been married, been even somewhat "promiscuous". All that without sexual attraction and without realizing I don't have it. How can that be? Well, this is ny story. When I was young I liked cute boys and I had crushes. I figured sexual attraction would be a part of the package when I got older. I had no idea that it could be missing. Eventually I started dating and relationships. And having sex. But somehow it never felt quite right. I often liked sex physically, once I had it but still it felt unnecessary, and I didn't desire it. Sometimes I had a very strong sex drive for a couple of days (the "baby-making" days of my cycle). Men were handy then but more like means to an end than target for my desire. Masturbation worked better anyway. Often I would see a cute guy and imagine something with him. But when it would get real, I just... would not really feel it. I've liked things leading to sex but don't care for sex itself. But I used to think I felt sexual attraction but it was broken somehow. I found ways to go round my problem though. I learned to play my role. I played it well. But I felt like a fraud. And I felt I was violated (by myself). I finally gave up on relationships and was happy. Really. But the "unresolved energy" was still there. I was probably once again drawn to a man to figure it out. I did a lot of meditating and shadow work and then the truth just was there: I don't have sexual attraction and never have had. I've had other attraction and misconcluded that that was it. And pushed myself into a role that wasn't me. So I realized I'm asexual. Or at least greysexual. There is still a lot of questions. For example regarding my relationship. But luckily I have a supporting partner. We'll see. Nice to be here! 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Samaro Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 I’m glad you figured yourself out! Romantic attraction, libido, and sociocultural pressures can make that really difficult, huh? I hope the questions you still have about yourself and your relationship(s?) get answered. There are a lot of places here at AVEN to ask ‘em, and lots of people with many, MANY different experiences to help out. Maybe you’ll make some friends! Good luck and have fun! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
awadama Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 Hi and welcome! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Latestarter Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 Welcome @MamaSwan. Many of us have felt very similar to you and there are plenty of places where thoughts are shared. Look around and follow what’s appropriate for you. Nice to have you here. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Typhoon Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 Welcome to AVEN! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tom71 Posted January 26, 2023 Share Posted January 26, 2023 Welcome 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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