Tool1989 Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 Yesterday my friend argued with me about how strict I was when looking for what I want in a girl. I said I wanted trust, loyalty, caring, independant, stubborn, not wanting sex (he was like WTF at this point), loves to be cuddled, loves poetry, loves going on walks and watching sunsets, loves watching the stars and moon while lying on a blanket cuddling outside under the clear and dark sky, blunt, understanding, reasonable, doesn't drink/smoke/do drugs and one of the most important things: keeps me out of trouble :P.....I'm just wondering if that is too much to ask for. Cuz like everybody wants sex all the time and so many people don't like romantic stuff. I'm a straight guy (I think).....is it the world that is insane or is it me? Link to post Share on other sites
Usernamecolonasterisk Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 Wow. When anyone asks me what my perfect girl would be like it's: "Just so long as she's not blonde (blond?) hair, blue eyes. Because that creeps me out no end. Oh and she must like the Beatles. Gotta like the Beatles." Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 Don't worry. The world really is insane. It's not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dame du Lac Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 Well, it might be hard to find girls who don't want any sex, or don't drink at all, but the rest of it you should be able to find! Link to post Share on other sites
Lucy Locket Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 Well, it might be hard to find girls who don't want any sex, or don't drink at all, but the rest of it you should be able to find! Hey, I'm one! There is hope! Link to post Share on other sites
jr1 Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 Just be yourself. We've been conditioned by the entertainment industry that we should be sex crazed like Charlie Sheen's character on "2 and a half men" Link to post Share on other sites
Ten Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 I think that's reasonable by definition. If you have terms that have to be met to be happy in a relationship, that's fine. Everyone's different. If you were complaining about it, though, I'd say that you were picky. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Alchemist_of_Ice Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 Well, it might be hard to find girls who don't want any sex, or don't drink at all, but the rest of it you should be able to find! Hey, I'm one! There is hope! I'm one to. Link to post Share on other sites
yellow Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 Aside from the occasional drink, I'm one as well. There's nothing wrong with being selective as long as you're ready to deal with the consequences of being selective. At least that's the conclusion I've come to. Wise advice from my mom.... better to be alone than to wish you were. Yellow Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted September 17, 2007 Author Share Posted September 17, 2007 Alot of people don't need sex, they just feel they do need it. Everybody I've asked has no real reason why they have sex. All I know is that it is not needed to love and have a healthy relationship. I sometimes wonder if I would be closer to an asexual partner than I would be with a sexual partner because I feel that it would be more emotional and forming a closer bond between me and my partner. I have never gotten THAT close to somebody emotionally but I know somehow that a romantic relationship without sex is way better than having a romantic relationship with sex. I don't get along with alot of people cuz they are so one sided. Especially when it comes to asexuality/bisexuality/gay/lesbians. I am participating in a GLBT group at my college and I hope that other people are in those sort of groups too. Link to post Share on other sites
Yuri_Hara Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 lol.... i think most people want most of all that. I don't think it's too much to ask for nor are you insane. The world is made out of different kinds. If not, I think it would be rather boring, don't you think? though "stubborn"? haha.. you sure you know what you're asking for? Link to post Share on other sites
Chiaroscuro Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Alot of people don't need sex, they just feel they do need it. Everybody I've asked has no real reason why they have sex. All I know is that it is not needed to love and have a healthy relationship. There are a lot of absolute statements in there: A lot of people don't need sex. I can only speak for myself and those I've spoken to on the topic, but, with the exception of my exceptional wife, they all feel sex is an important part of a healthy adult life. So if a lot of people don't need sex, a lot more do. And saying "they don't need sex, they just feel they do" is condescending. Everybody I've asked has no real reason why they have sex. Why do you feel love? Why do you yearn for things you've never known? Why do you get angry about stupid things one day, and not the next? All I know is that it is not needed to love and have a healthy relationship. I love my children. Sex is not required for that relationship to be healthy. I love my wife, but the lack of mutual desire changes that relationship (for ME), into something very like my relationship with my children. That's fine for what it is, but it is not what my heart yearns for (has always yearned for). So, for me, sex is needed in order to have a healthy sexual relationship. That said, of course you should, as clearly as possible, find a partner who's expectations are similar to yours. Sexuality is one of the few non-negotiables in a relationship. -Chiaroscuro Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted September 18, 2007 Author Share Posted September 18, 2007 Then why is there such thing as sexless marriages? If you trly feel like you NEED sex to have a healthy relationship, then you can! I just feel it isn't essential and that its more optional than anything. And you can love your partner without having sex. I see where you are coming from, we have different perspectives and I like that you posted with decentcy and respect. I am sorry for condeming people and I guess I only know the people I have been around. So yeah....you are full of information and you seem wiser than most people. I've met who argue sex is necessary in a relationship. Keep in mind that saying that is also condeming. You a moderator? Link to post Share on other sites
Chiaroscuro Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Then why is there such thing as sexless marriages? If you trly feel like you NEED sex to have a healthy relationship, then you can! You're right that there are a lot of sexless marriages. Many, many more, I think, than folks realize. When I became concerned that my marriage was not a healthy place for me to be, I went on-line looking for support. I found several sites dealing with the subject, and hundreds of people feeling desperate, trapped, hopeless, frustrated. Sexless marriages, 99% of the time are unintended.. they begin with the expectation that they will be "normal" (I use that loaded word carefully). A sexless marriage in which both parties go in with their eyes open is one thing. A marriage in which one party is expecting a sexual relationship and one isn't is a different thing altogether. It's usually an unhealthy relationship (for both people, generally), because there's so much room for shame, resentment and hurt to fester. There are couples that seem able to overcome the divide, but they are by far in the minority. -Chiaroscuro Link to post Share on other sites
AliceInWonderland Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 You seem to be more in touch with your feelings than some people are. I believe that increases your chances of finding the right girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted September 19, 2007 Author Share Posted September 19, 2007 Thank you Alice. A lot of you here can easily get a guy because you are more in tune with your feelings that other people are and can describe a lot of things I didn't know or couldn't describe. Link to post Share on other sites
ZeroAtTheBone Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 I said I wanted trust, loyalty, caring, independant, stubborn, not wanting sex (he was like WTF at this point), loves to be cuddled, loves poetry, loves going on walks and watching sunsets, loves watching the stars and moon while lying on a blanket cuddling outside under the clear and dark sky, blunt, understanding, reasonable, doesn't drink/smoke/do drugs and one of the most important things: keeps me out of trouble :P That's my ideal girl as well! And I think the world is definately crazy, not you. Girls like that do exist, and none of those qualities is some sort of crazy-unreasonable expectation. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf X Omega Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 I'm all that you said XD you can see how the world is fucked up in distributing people around it. I'm a little more... how can I put it... less restrict, I just want to find someone who understands me. Link to post Share on other sites
Bethsheba Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 That's what I'm looking for, except I'm looking for a male! Oh, and he has to be able to deal with my being "macho" every now and then. I'm not a "girly girl." :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 I live in Hamilton, Ontario in Canada. It's not too bad until you get into college with getting drunk and feeling the pressure of having sex before you get out of college and it just bugs me that people say that. Link to post Share on other sites
l'héros Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 I live in Hamilton, Ontario in Canada. It's not too bad until you get into college with getting drunk and feeling the pressure of having sex before you get out of college and it just bugs me that people say that. on a « dry » campus it's just as bad. the people that i talk to about wanting someone romantically have told me to find a drunk girl to be with though, and i don't understand what kind of low life asshole would take advantage of an intoxicated person. i hate people and i can't wait until i'm an ocean away from this place. Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 OMG!!!! I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HEAR THAT FROM A GUY!!! Seriously like none of my friends have ever agreed with me on that. I HATE it if girls hit on me when they are drunk. brb Link to post Share on other sites
Hallucigenia Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 It's not too bad until you get into college with getting drunk and feeling the pressure of having sex before you get out of college and it just bugs me that people say that. I'm in college and I've never felt pressured to do either of those things (mind you, I drink, but not very often and never more than one in a night). Then again I'm very socially reclusive so that could explain it. Or maybe you are just hanging out with the wrong crowd? Link to post Share on other sites
SpirallingSnowy Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Besides the occassional drink im one of those girls as well! Most guys ive dated have tried to go for the sex within 2 months of going out *sigh*. And its damn near impossible to find a guy who likes romantic stuff that isnt useing it to get sex :( Oh and im at uni and i steer clear of most people at uni cos they get drunk, think they are hot shit, and bore me stupid. I like the friends i have already, dont need some idiots who think with only their penis to harrass me. no thanks lol Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 I live in Hamilton, Ontario in Canada. It's not too bad until you get into college with getting drunk and feeling the pressure of having sex before you get out of college and it just bugs me that people say that. when i was at college, during a break time with classmates, the conversation moved onto masturbation and sex. the people i was with could not believe when i said when the conversation came to me that i didn't masturbate Link to post Share on other sites
Chiaroscuro Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 Most guys ive dated have tried to go for the sex within 2 months of going out *sigh*. Ha ha! If someone was dating me and after two months didn't try "going for the sex", I'd be seriously worried (as a sexual person, of course). Showing two months of restraint is showing iron restraint, in my opinion. And pretty atypical. -Chiaroscuro Link to post Share on other sites
mdw Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 I'd have to agree with Chiaroscure on this one, unless I knew the person had specific reasons not to (religion, etc). Link to post Share on other sites
Tool1989 Posted September 25, 2007 Author Share Posted September 25, 2007 :shock: Really? Cuz even after 2 years I still didn't want it. Link to post Share on other sites
l'héros Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 :shock: Really? Cuz even after 2 years I still didn't want it. Yeah, a lot of people seem to expect it on the first or second date. Two months would be a long time for a sexual person from what I hear. I was pretty suprised too when I first heard it, but then again it helped me to find AVEN (because i obviously wasn't sexual !) Link to post Share on other sites
Enkai Posted September 26, 2007 Share Posted September 26, 2007 And statements like that make me convinced I'm asexual. I was with my high school boyfriend 2 1/2 years and we never kissed once. That had very little to do with my religious beliefs, I just never felt any desire to. Add in I was 16-18, when hormones are supposed to be driving you crazy. Plus, I think there was one point in our relationship where I was the closest I've been to truly in love with somebody. And supposedly (at least the joke is) that a lot of Christians get married early because their relationship is "missing" something. Drunk guys bother me. I avoid that scene when at all possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.