Does sexual attraction always require certain conditions?

[Snarkyaxolotl]

When people describe to me sexual attraction, it always seems to be triggered by specific combination of characteristics and conditions. It often seems to be a combination of certain other forms of attraction, especially  the aesthetic one. 
 

so I guess that’s how sexual attraction works? Lol I feel like a similar thread to this must already exist 

[Fangorn]

To me, it doesn't feel like a combination of different types of attraction; it has some similarities, but it's still something separate. Otherwise I wouldn't have any distinction between aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction.

Could you explain more about what you mean by it requiring certain conditions (or give an example of what you mean)?

[Ceebs]

2 hours ago, FaithSapling said:

It often seems to be a combination of certain other forms of attraction, especially  the aesthetic one. 

That's the least important component to me, and isn't required for sure.

 

Every instance of something that could be described as sexual attraction doesn't involve the same components for me. 'That actress is gorgeous/hot/whatever, I'm kinda into her' is one manifestation of it, but so is sexually desiring my partner because he makes me laugh a lot and feel safe and we can talk about absolutely anything and nerd out over our favourite music together and he's compassionate and supportive and smart and he's my best friend. I like his character and that's what makes him sexually attractive to me.

[MarRister]

Does romantic attraction always require certain conditions? You wouldn't expect people to want a romantic relationship with just anybody right? You likely wouldn't want to be friends with just anybody either. Why would someone want to have sex with just anyone? It is always going to come with conditions. 

 

Maybe some people have more conditions and some less, some of these conditions are partly choice and some are absolutely involuntary. Everyone's attraction is going to be different and the things that personally factor into that for them. 

 

Attraction is a very broad feeling to try and put into a box or define how it works for all people. Many people wouldn't break out different types of attraction at all, it all just falls under attraction and how that attraction makes them feel towards the person they are attracted to. 

 

If you mean someone has to feel "aesthetic attraction" as a condition for sexual attraction to occur, maybe some would agree with that, but some would not. And I wouldn't always say one has to be a precursor to the other, sometimes they can be simultaneous, or maybe aesthetics actually comes later for some or is just generally unimportant to that attraction.

 

I tend to think of sexual attraction as being an attraction that draws you to a person in a way that you feel that could lead to a desire for sex with that person should the conditions be right (and when I say conditions here, I don't mean some specific combination of attractions, I mean more so, are they available, are they interested, are you comfortable enough with them yet, etc.). This type of attraction can be mingled in with all sorts of other feelings too though, like you'd also like to pursue a romantic relationship with the person, or you think they are so amazing looking you can't stop looking at them, or none of these things. So even for myself, when I am attracted to someone it is not the same thing every time because the people I am attracted to are different, we interact differently. Sometimes some things will factor in a lot with one person, and then with another those same factors are not present in the same way or are quite different. 

[uhtred]

Its...complicated.   There is a huge range from person to person, and even for an individual its complicated.  For me (straight sexual male) even the term "sexual attraction" is not simple. There are women who I think are extremely attractive in a sexual way - BUT that doesn't mean I actually want to have sex with them.   The women I would actually consider having sex with, need to have a personality that is a good match.  There are some people who's appearance is sufficiently off putting that that over-weighs everything else, but that is pretty uncommon.   In general the people I can actually imagine wanting sex with (in the right circumstances) are people I already know and like.

 

For me sexual and romantic attraction are pretty closely coupled, but there are many people where that isn't the case.

[Libellule]

Seconded what's already been said. I will say that aesthetic attraction plays a part for me because I've never felt sexually attracted to someone that I didn't find attractive at all, but it's not the most important thing. Having a personal connection to the other person is more important to me. I don't really feel sexually attracted to people that I think are 'out of my league' or that I don't know at all. Doesn't mean I have to be in a relationship with them or have known them for a long time, though. Like I might see an attractive stranger at a party and I will acknowledge that they're attractive, maybe think that I'd like to get to know them but nothing further than that. And if I end up talking to them and feel comfortable enough around them and they also seem interested in me, then I might feel sexually attracted to them even if I've just met them that day.

 

I suppose the mutual interest is also quite important to me. That's probably not the case for everyone, but I've only felt sexually attracted to people who also felt attracted to me in that way.

[MarRister]

6 hours ago, Libellule said:

 

I suppose the mutual interest is also quite important to me. That's probably not the case for everyone, but I've only felt sexually attracted to people who also felt attracted to me in that way.

Oh yeah, this is the same for me too. I can’t really feel one way sexual attraction or if I do it is really fleeting as soon as I feel there is no mutual interest there. I do feel like I need that back and forth interaction of mutual attraction for my sexual attraction to truly develop into anything strong. 

[Fangorn]

Based on the other replies and what I've heard people generally describe, I think my experiences with sexual attraction are a bit different than most people. Personality has pretty much no effect on if I'm sexually attracted to someone; it's only physical. I'm at least somewhat attracted to the majority of men. Rather than needing a reason to be attracted to them, I usually need a reason not to be. It's like my default is being attracted to all men, but there are certain traits that I don't find attractive which can make me less attracted to someone or not attracted to them at all. Romantic attraction feels unrelated to me, because I wouldn't want romance and sex to have any crossover in my own relationships.

[Fangorn]

10 hours ago, Libellule said:

I suppose the mutual interest is also quite important to me. That's probably not the case for everyone, but I've only felt sexually attracted to people who also felt attracted to me in that way.

I'm the opposite of this; if someone is attracted to me, I don't want to hear about it. It immediately makes them way less attractive to me.

[Ceebs]

I can definitely experience one-way attraction, sexually and romantically. I mean, I've been attracted to straight women and gay men lol, so. And I had feelings for my partner before he realised he had feelings for me that went beyond platonic friendship. Only once have I ended up developing interest in someone I wasn't particularly attracted to and perhaps never would've been if they hadn't shown interest in me first and kind of... love-bombed me. I think I was excited about the fact that a woman who was actually gay was very clearly attracted to me and flattered (if rather confused at first) by the attention she was paying me... perhaps I also thought it would be my only chance at a same-sex relationship, I dunno now... that I kind of got swept up in all of that. It took me a while to figure out what I felt, not because I wasn't sure if I was into women (I'd had very strong feelings for another woman before that -- a straight one 🙃 -- and some other same-sex crushes), but because it all sort of came out of nowhere. It did become reciprocal eventually, but I think that's the only time where I didn't have feelings first that I assumed were going to be one-sided on my part.