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Not sure how to feel about stbx husband’s comments?

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Sounds like it's really time to get that lawyer. Find out what he really can and can't do, don't take his word for it.

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If you don't think he is a physical danger, you can just tell him that you have decided and you want a divorce.  That you would like to work with him on a fair settlement, but if he doesn't you will get a lawyer and he should too.  Make it clear that you are not willing to have sex with him - that you did for many years, and you don't blame him because you never told him how you felt, but you do not want it again.


Or something like that. Make it absolute, make it clear this isnt going to change

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